


Prises de Fer

by ThroneofMist



Series: Two Sides of the Same Coin [2]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo still needs that hug, Dark Reylo, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Finn also has a storyline because this is also a rewrite, Finn and Poe will be getting together now, First Kiss, Force Dyad (Star Wars), He's surprised and she's surprised, Kira Ren is hot, Kira saves Ben, POV Finn (Star Wars), R9 is an asshole and I love this droid, Rewrite, Rey Needs A Hug, Seduction to the Dark Side, Slow Burn, ben knows it, dyad flirting, he's going to start calling her Rey boys its coming, last one wasn't really a rewrite but this is where it gets good, maybe they skip the friends part in enemies to lovers, they're finally going to fuck, we know it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-07-18
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:49:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 64,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24112336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThroneofMist/pseuds/ThroneofMist
Summary: Kira Ren feels more lost than ever, her control on the Dark Side slipping with every day. A raging hurricane, she is power incarnate. So why can't she stop seeing Han Solo's face in her own reflection. And why does Ben Solo's grief play on repeat in her own heart?Ben Solo has taken up the mantle of his family's legacy. Now Colonel Solo, he leads the Resistance at his mother's side. But the darkness of Kira Ren still whispers in his mind, and he's starting to trust her more than his allies. He's starting to be unable to differentiate between his own heart and hers.Finn has forgotten what it feels to not be holding a saber, the Force coursing through him now more than ever. Saying goodbye to his family for now, he finds his way to Luke Skywalker, finding his own way at the same time.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: Two Sides of the Same Coin [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1739779
Comments: 6
Kudos: 35





	1. Epilogue

**Author's Note:**

> hello again :) and if you're new, hey, this won't make a lot of sense if you haven't read the first work in this series so maybe read that first :)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "For Han."

Ben

The wind sings a low song as we stand, the last ship left to evacuate behind us. I stand at the back, but I stand tall. 

Glancing around, my chest rises and falls heavily. Poe stands a little to my left, far enough to give me space and also to offer a steadying hand. He stares forward, watching my mother with a hard look on his face. His dark hair waves in the wind and he brushes it out of his way before he clasps his hands together in front of him. BB8 is at his side, comforting him as his fingers twitch.

Ackbar watches from the front, standing beside a pilot I don't recognise. The two of them stand with their backs straight and arms folded, nodding in silent support for my mother. Caluan Emat sits against a rock, eyes lined with tears as he keeps his eyes on the ground. I remember Emat from my childhood, from the many times he came to have dinner with my family. He taught me how to uncap a bottle of malt with my teeth when I was thirteen. His hair was darker then, not the light grey it is now. He looks up, eyes latching onto mine, and offers a somber nod. Chewie stands beside him, towering over the human man as he wraps his furry arms around himself.

Commander D'Acy is with her wife, head resting on the pilot's shoulder. I heard that Tyce almost died on Starkiller. I watch as they hold onto each other, D'Acy burying her face in Tyce's neck as she silently sobs. Throat bobbing, I look away from them when someone bumps my shoulder. I glance to my side to see Kaydel beside me, offering an empathetic nod.

I've known Kay as long as Poe, the latter the one to introduce us. She was always easy to hang around with, being one of the rare people my age I hadn't actively disliked. I actually liked Kay so much that I didn't object when she kissed me when we were sixteen. And then I didn't protest when we slept with each other regularly after that.

We didn't keep in regular touch after I left the Resistance, and seeing her now, with her kind eyes, I feel like a prick for never trying. She smiles again, patting my arm before she goes to stand beside Poe, muttering something to him I don't catch. Poe just nods, eyes still on Leia as she starts to speak.

"Han would've hated this," my mother starts, a wistful look on her face. "He had no patience for speeches or memorials. The only ceremony he ever willingly attended was our wedding," she laughs lightly, the sound like stars shooting across the sky. "But we all knew that about Han. What else could you expect from a man who was allergic to politics? I once told Han that it was tiresome watching him do the right thing only after he exhausted every other alternative." She spins the ring on her finger as she looks down. "But sooner or later he'd always get there," she continues, looking up to smile at us all. "Because Han hated injustice and cruelty more than anything else in the Galaxy. And when confronted with them, he couldn't stand down. Not in his youth on Kryia, not above Yavin, not on Endor and not at Starkiller base." 

Her eyes flash to me, understanding glistening in the silent and stoic tears that fall down her face. "Han fancied himself a scoundrel. But he wasn't. He loved freedom – for himself, certainly, but for everyone else in the galaxy, too. And time after time, he was willing to fight for that freedom. He didn't want to know the odds in that fight – because he'd already made up his mind that he'd prevail. And time after time, somehow he did."

She pauses, glancing down at something in her hand before she looks up again, face determined. "Han wasn't the best husband. He wasn't the best father." My breathing catches. "But he was one of the best soldiers the Galaxy has ever seen, because he held his ideals above all. Han has taken a part of me with him to wherever he's gone now, and I know he's taken a part of all of you too. But now we must listen to Han and finish what he fought for. For the end to injustice and cruelty. We will never forget Han. Just like we'll never forget anyone we've lost in this fight. But we _must_ keep fighting."

Everyone around me nods, unyielding in their strength. "For Han," she says finally. I smile to myself, watching my strong mother before I hear Kay talking to Poe. "We really need to go," she whispers, worry painting her face. He nods, looking up to meet my eyes. I give a tight lipped smile, gesturing to them both to round up everyone before I walk over to my mother. She's facing a tall pine tree, the sunset light casting shadows across her face. 

"I asked him if it was meant to be an Ewok," she laughs softly as she opens up her palm, revealing a wooden figurine in her palm. I think it's supposed to be of her. Well, her thirty years ago, with her two buns and wearing some sort of primitive dress. "I think this is a spear," she tells me, looking up to meet my eyes as she points to the sharp end of the carving.

"He wasn't that great at art," I snort, hands in my pockets was I stand beside my mother. "Always hated when Chewie tried to get me into painting." She nods, a nostalgic smile on her lips. "It was before Endor," she muses. "He was embarrassed. Threw it away."

"And you went back to get it," I finish. She nods, biting her bottom lip before she bends down, placing the figurine against the tree. 

"I tried to find his dice in the Falcon," she says as she hugs her arms around herself, rays of light shinning down on her like an ethereal goddess. "He must've sold it. Probably gambled them away," she adds, brown eyes twinkling in amusement. I just shrug, fingers touching the dice in my pocket. I can't leave them here. I need at least something solid to hold onto him with.

"He was really proud of you," I tell her as I wrap an arm around her shoulders, lightly pulling her closer. "He always admired you. I think he always knew he was punching," I murmur as she wraps an arm around my waist. She laughs, shaking her head lightly. Standing there together, I let myself properly breathe for the first time since Starkiller. Breathing in the air that's so fresh it almost hurts, everything else fades to a muted drone, and I just smile as I see those soft eyes the colour of whiskey. 

I hear him in my head, almost as vividly as I remember him ruffling my hair as a child, every night before bed. _See you around, kid._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments make me smile :)


	2. Rush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Just a child in a mask."

Ben

Sliding down onto the bench beside Finn, Poe drops his tray down onto the table. He crinkles his nose at his bowl of minced nerf stew, making a gagging sound. "You're so dramatic," I roll my eyes as I twirl my own spoon in my fingers. The chatter of the mess hall echoes around the cave walls as Poe sticks his middle finger up at me. I only stayed at the D'Qar base for a day, but I can tell everyone likes the Klosslands better, even just from the way they all sit without hunched shoulders while having lunch.

The hallowed out caves are a safer base, and the massive broadleaf forests provide complete cover for our ships. Last month, when we entered Ajan Kloss' orbit, I commented on the green trees, saying they looked like splashes of paint dripped across a canvas. Mum had murmured wistfully, saying they reminded her of the Isatabith forest on Alderaan. 

"I never thought food could taste this different," Finn says, eyes bright. He always gets this way when he talks about food. It's pretty charming, especially when he wolfs down his food, talking with his mouth open like he can't imagine waiting until he's finished to speak. But it's also a stark reminder that all he ever ate for twenty four years was grey gruel. Just enough nutrients to fight, but the blandest tasting thing in the Galaxy. Poe said watching him try actual food for the first time was like watching a child at a Festival of Life party. 

"Are you going to finish it?" Finn asks Poe, eyebrow arched. Poe just gives a huff of amusement before he slides the bowl over to him, shaking his head. 

"How's your back?" I ask as Finn enthusiastically shoves his bread into the soup. 

"Fine," he shrugs, not meeting my eyes. I glance at Poe who bites his bottom lip. Fin woke up a week after we arrived here, confused and panicked. He calmed down pretty quickly when Poe found him wandering around the caves, eyes wide. But he refuses to talk about Starkiller, Kira and the Force. I tried to ask him about it after he woke up, but he just shook his head, dismissing it. 

"Finn-" Poe starts, face gentle as he places a hand on Finn's arm. His eyes go wide at the contact, nostrils flaring slightly. I resist the urge to roll my eyes. They also clearly haven't talked about _that_ either. Surely they can't be that oblivious to each other's feelings. Finn must notice how Poe sits up straighter when he walks into a room, or how he's started combing his hair and keeping his uniform clean for the first time ever. And Poe must see how Finn gulps every time he so much as walks too close to him, or how he covers his mouth with his fist whenever Poe speaks so no one can see him smiling. They're both idiots. 

"I said I'm _fine_ ," Finn cuts him off, brows furrowing in annoyance. Sighing out exasperatedly, I stand up. I tell them I'm going together something to drink, but now they're too busy bickering to even notice. Tilting my head at the drink stand, I glance over my options even though I know I'll pick up a Rush. I just need to wait out Finn and Poe's arguing before I can safely return.

"Hey." I turn to see Kay beside me, arms folded across her beige uniform. "Why are you standing staring at the drinks?" she asks, eyebrow arched in amusement. I grin before I turn around, gesturing to Finn and Poe with my head. "Ah, I see," she laughs. Kay does this thing where she tips her head back when she laughs. It's cute. "Everyone can see that they're completely into each other. Even the arguments are mostly them just flirting."

I nod in agreement, "It's better to just leave them to it when they're like this." 

"I'll bet," she laughs again, eyes bright as she cocks her head at me. "That works out perfectly then," she adds, pretty smile on her face. "Because I need you to come with me. General Organa's called a meeting." I nod, slinging my hands in my pockets as I bite my lip, glancing back at Finn and Poe. I debate telling them I'm needed elsewhere, but they probably won't even notice. When I turn back to face Kay, she's holding a can of Rush out towards me.

"How did you know?" I ask, surprised. She shrugs as I take it from her, turning it over in my hands.

"It's your drink," she explains before we start to walk out of the mess hall. "It's been your drink for twenty-six years." 

"I'm really that predictable, huh?" I ask her as we walk through the caves, our footsteps loud against the rocky ground. 

"You're many things, Ben Solo," she muses, tapping her fingers against her arm as she grins up at me, revealing her perfectly white teeth. "But predictable is not one of them."

Kira Ren

I slowly scratch down another tally on the inside of my wardrobe door. Thirty-three tallies.

Thirty-three days since I've seen or heard from Ben Solo. I still feel him. I feel him constantly, in my mind and against my ribs. I feel him more vibrantly than before. His emotions slam through me, over riding my own sometimes. 

I've also started to hear his thoughts. Loud and brash against my head, pulsating against my mind. I put up a shield for the first couple of weeks, his thoughts too painful against my own. And I couldn't risk him catching any of my thoughts, if this bond goes both ways. So I kept my thoughts to myself, and forced him to keep his too. My mind was still again, unwavering and calm.

But I slowly realised his absence was worse than his stormy presence. So I lowered the shield slightly, just so his brightness is now more of a constant background noise. My temples clench as his happiness floods through me, a bright tsunami.

I stand up as there's a knock on my door, throwing my shield up to shut Solo out. But not before I catch the glimpse of a girl in his mind. She's pretty, and he thinks so too. Blonde hair up in two buns, closely resembling the way his mother used to wear them. She's smirking, and my fists clench at the invitation in her eyes. Directed at him. I don't think he even realises. Another knock raps on my door, and I cast the girl from my mind.

"Snoke requests a meeting with you, Commander," the messenger boy says after I throw open my door. I don't reply, just nod before I dismiss him. _Requests_. Snoke doesn't request anything. Frankly, I'm surprised he's waited this long to reprimand me. I thought he would've called on me sooner. He's been on the ship for at least a week, he summoned Hux last week. It was beautiful watching him limp into the control room afterwards, a mask of cold indifference on his face to hide the embarrassment he felt. But not it's my turn. And I know I'll be walking out with worse than a limp.

I walk through the empty halls of the Supremacy, sighing when I reach the lift that'll take me to the throne room. Swallowing, I take a deep breath in. Instantly, fear slowly spreads out across my body as I try and stride up to Snoke on his throne, dropping to my knee in front of him as I bow my head.

"How's your wound?" Snoke questions, his deep voice husky as he leans forward, one hand grasping the armrest. 

"It's nothing," I say after a couple of moments, swaying on my knees slightly. It is nothing. It barely even hurts anymore. And I've been training through the pain, teeth gritted. I've done it before. The only thing is knowing that there will forever be a permanent scar on my body that Solo managed to put there. I will always be reminded that he bested me. At least until I finally beat him. It will only serve as a reminder until he is dead.

"Hm," Snoke muses, and I can hear the anger dripping into his voice. I hold my breath, chest tight. "The mighty Kira Ben," Snoke chides as he rises from his throne, golden robes dancing. "When I found you," he recounts as he comes to the edge of his throne, arms out. "I saw what all masters live to see. Raw, untamed power," he exclaims as he moves closer towards me, fists clenched. "And beyond that, something truly special."

"The potential of your bloodline." I look up at him at that, confused. Throat bobbing, I shake my head, mouth falling open as I struggle to find the words to say. "A new leader," Snoke continues. "Now, I fear I was mistaken."

"I...I don't understand," I try, panic and confusion rising up in my throat. Snoke's never mentioned my bloodline before. I was found abandoned, orphaned. I don't have a bloodline. "I have given everything to you," I plead, voice wavering inside the mask but cold and metallic outside. "To the dark side."

Snoke is silent for a moment before he sneers, pointing a long and gnarled finger at me. "Take that ridiculous thing off," he spits. Jaw trembling, I slowly reach up, unclasping the helmet before I lift it off my head. Snoke's eyes flash to the plastered scar that peeks up over my collar. "You have too much _emotion_ in you," he frowns, shaking his head as his pointed finger turns to a clenched fist. "I have tried to teach you control," he snarls. "And you do not listen."

"I have done everything you've asked of me perfectly," I object, anger ripping through me. "I killed Han Solo!" I add, shaking my head in disbelief.

"And look at you now," Snoke mocks, eyes narrowed "You are unbalanced," he seethes. My heart slips. I look away, trembling in rage. "Bested by a smuggler, who hasn't held a sabre in ten years." His voice rises, spit falling from his mouth as he roars. "You failed!"

Something snaps in me at that. No matter how hard I try, no matter what I do, I can't ever seem to succeed in his eyes. In anyone's eyes. Flying to my feet, I shoulder my cloak off, fingers reaching towards my saber to strike. But before I can grab it, my body jolts and I yelp out in pain as electricity courses through my veins, shuddering as I fly through the air. My back screams in agony as I land on the floor. The Praetorian guards all move instantly, drawing their weapons and aiming them at me. 

I rise onto my elbows, breathing ragged as I glance around at them. "Skywalker lives," Snoke hisses, voice now dangerously quiet. "The seed of the Jedi order lives," he continues as he turns towards his throne again, dismissing me like a pathetic insect. "As long as it does, hope lives in the Galaxy," he rants as his guards retreat back into their resting position. I scramble quickly to my feet, ignoring the protest in my bones. "I thought you would be the one to snuff it out," he sighs as he falls back into his throne, leaning back.

"You're no Sith," he shakes his head, eyes heavy with disappointment. "You're no Vader. You're just a child. In a mask," he adds, tone dangerous as his face contorts with wrath. He watches me for a moment, lips pursed before he shakes his head, waving his hand for me to leave. Nodding quickly, I turn on my heels, desperate to get back into the turbo-lift.

As soon as the doors shut behind me, I crumple against the metal wall, breathing loudly as my chest rises and falls quickly. My eyes water as I glance down at the helmet in my hand. He's right. I'm no Vader. Not yet. But I will be. Letting out a scream of frustration, I slam the helmet into the wall. Glass splinters and metal bends as I smash it over and over and over again. When the doors slide open, two lieutenants gasp at me and the partially destroyed turbo-lift behind me. "What are you-" one of them starts before their eyes fall to the ruined helmet in my fingers. "Commander Ren," he splutters, saluting me. 

"Ready my ship," I spit, letting the helmet fall from my fingers. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments make me smile :)


	3. Bloodline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You're all I knew."

Finn

I watch from the side as Poe trains with his squadrons, arms folded as I lean against the cave wall. Poe stands in front of the lines of pilots doing push ups, clapping his hands as he motivates them. I think this might secretly be Poe's favourite part of being a pilot. I know he loves the rush of adrenaline as he flies straight through enemy lines, the perfect mix of stupidly courageous. But his face lights up so beautiful as he trains with his fellow pilots, as he teaches them and laughs with them.

"That's it, Jess," he nods encouragingly as he squats down beside the female pilot as she strains under her own weight. "If you tighten these muscles," he says as he places a hand on her stomach. "You should be able to..." his voice fades as I glance away, feeling the blood rush to my cheeks. Jealousy unfurls in my gut, ugly and hungry. I ignore it, pushing my tongue into my cheek. Poe and I are great friends. But that's all we'll ever be. I know that, I'm not stupidly optimistic. Poe flirts with any living thing that passes him. He could have literally anyone in this base. He isn't going to choose the stormtrooper that got annihilated by Kira Ren in under a couple of minutes.

My stomach clenches as I let myself remember that. Remember the feeling of the sabre slashing through my skin, brain exploding in pain and thinking that this is what death feels like.

I can't believe I even consider the possibility of becoming a Force-user. I hadn't even realised I was Force-sensitive until Maz had beckoned me forward after the destruction of her castle all those weeks ago. After the Resistance made the First Order retreat, and I'd somehow just beaten a trooper with a long shard of metal. I let it drop to the ground as I'd sighed heavily, hands on my knees. "How did you do that?" Maz asked, big eyes blinking as she took off her goggles to stare up at me. 

"Do what?" I asked, confused as Han and Chewie came up behind me. Han had opened his mouth to speak, but Maz had shushed him, her eyes never leaving me. She walked towards me gingerly, nose crinkled. "You fought off a trooper who had a Z6 Riot Control Baton with a piece of metal," she had said, pronouncing each syllable carefully. I'd glanced back at Han, who'd just shrugged, clearly impressed at Maz's vast knowledge of weaponry. "I got lucky," I said, turning back to Maz. 

"Extremely lucky," she mused, scratching her chin as she watched me. Then something _clicked_ in my head and I yelped out in pain, face crumbling as I gaped at Maz. "What are you doing?" I'd called out. "What is she doing?" I'd asked Han and Chewie, who had both just shrugged again, watching me in awe. I remember thinking that I should really have gotten on that fucking ship with the pirates because all of these people were fucking mental, when the tightness in my head had faded and Maz had nodded her head slowly. "As I thought," she'd affirmed. 

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I demanded but Maz had just ignored me, instead rifling around in her pockets. "I'm sorry, can you please explain what..." I trailed off as she had held her hand out to me, a sabre glistening in the bright sunlight. "Why are you-"

"You're Force-sensitive, Finn," she'd breathed, pressing the sabre into my hands. My mouth and gaped open and I'd gone to shake my head, laughing. "Think about it," she insisted. "You and Ben escaped from the Finalizer? Two against an army of thousand? Finn, _think_ about it."

"It's just luck, I don't-" I cut myself off, staring down at the sabre in my hands. For some reason, it had just felt _right_. The weight almost felt comforting, the cool metal sending a shiver through my whole body. I started to forget what it felt like to not hold a sabre. "How do you know for sure?" I breathed, voice suddenly young and quiet.

"You know," she'd said, looking up at me. "Don't you?" I nodded slowly, fingers tightening around the sabre as I held it up in front of me, heart thudding as I lit it, the blue light marvellous and beautiful. "Also, I can't access the deepest part of your brain with the Force, so you definitely are." She laughed when I had glared at her, rolling her eyes as she pulled her goggles back down. "Finn. Stormtrooper turned Jedi. Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it?"

I blink when a drop of water splats onto my shoulder. Looking up, I frown, wiping it off of my uniform. That's one of the downsides to living in a fucking cave. Turning my attention back to Poe, I watch as his pilots roar with laughter, heads tipped back. Poe's face is tainted pink as he scowls at his pilots on the floor, clapping their hands as they snort. He glances over at me, shrugging as he runs a hand through his hair. He does that when he's nervous. It's cute.

I'm about to wander over and ask why they're laughing at poor Poe when someone calls my name from behind me. I turn to see Ben and he grins widely as he gestures for me to follow him. Waving bye to Poe, who doesn't even notice as he's too busy, hissing quietly to his squadrons, I jog over to Ben. 

"And why am I needed in a meeting with your mum?" I ask as Ben leads me through the caves, arm leaning on my shoulder. I hate it when he does this. He likes to constantly remind me and Poe of his height by bending down to our eye level or lean on us like we're armrests. "We've got a mission for you," he tells me as we come to the cave being used as a conference room. A large circular table stands in the middle, and the Resistance High Command all stand around it, General Organa in the middle. She smiles as I walk in, keeping slightly behind Ben.

"Finn," Admiral Statura nods, lips in a thin line. I nod back, body feeling too stiff to really do anything else. "This is R2 D2," Statura tells me, pointing to the droid beside Ben. "He was a companion of Luke Skywalker and he-" The Admiral is interrupted by the droid beeping erratically, its head whirring. Statura arches a brow at General Organa as she smiles softly. "He says he's Luke's friend, not a companion," she tells Statura, Ben tries to hold back a laugh from beside me and accidentally snorts, trying to play it off by coughing.

"Apologies," Statura says to the droid before he continues. "R2's been in a deep sleep for a couple of years now, but as you can see, he's finally woken up."

"We were discussing the map," Ben says from my side as he leans forward, elbows on the table. " _R9_ ," he narrows his eyes at the droid, gesturing sharply with his head until R9 grumbles and projects the map we all risked our lives to keep safe. "We were discussing the map," Ben starts again, tilting his head to look at me. "And how while although we have this part, the First Order has the rest."

"The Empire would have been looking for the first Jedi temples," Statura explains, arms folded in front of him. "In destroying all the Jedi sanctuaries they would have acquired a great deal of peripheral information. And while we were discussing all this, the droid suddenly woke up. We must've triggered something in him. And C3PO here," he says, gesturing to the golden droid who's standing beside General Organa, head moving awkwardly. 

"I translated for them," C3PO says, cutting off Statura, who sighs and presses his lips into a thin line. "And we realised that R2 might have the rest of the map since he has catalogued the Imperial Archives before."

"We were right," Ben laughs softly as R2 projects a blue map above the table, moving so it clicks into place with R9's map. "We've figured out where my uncle is," he finishes and everyone turns to face me. "That's great," I beam. "When are you going to get him?" I ask, turning to Ben. I mean, I assume it's him who's going. Everyone else is too crucial in the Resistance's work here, but Ben doesn't have a mission yet. And he's obviously powerful enough, having already beaten Kira Ren. And Luke is his uncle. It just makes sense for Ben to go.

"I'm not," Ben says, straightening up. Clicking his fingers, his droid whirs over to him, extending something from its side. Ben bends down and takes it from the droid before he walks over to me, hand on my shoulder. And then he reveals the sabre, blue light humming in the still air. The sabre that I know now is his.His family's. His bloodline. 

"You are." 

Ben

Me and Finn walk back towards the training room together. The wide grin hasn't left his face yet. "I still can't believe it," he shakes his head wistfully, clutching the sabre in both of his hands. It took me about an hour to persuade him to accept the mission. He just flat out refused at first, arms folded. He couldn't take that away from me, he insisted. I had finally managed to explain to him that I have no desire to see my uncle again, and I have work here. 

When we reach the training room, I watch as Finn nervously glances in, biting his lip when his eyes fall on Poe. "He'll be happy for you," I tell him as we watch our friend throw a punch, knocking the training dummy's head up. 

"I know," Finn nods, a hint of a smile on his lips. Laughing at Finn silently, I stand up straighter when I notice Kay cross the room to Poe. He pauses as he turns to her, one hand on his hip as he brushes the other through his damp hair. She laughs at something he says, hand on his shoulder. "Hey," Finn starts, running his tongue over his teeth. "Did Poe and Kaydel ever..." he trails off as he drags his eyes away from Poe to look up at me. 

"No," I shake my head, patting him on the shoulder. "You're good to go, buddy." I bite back a laugh as Finn's face falls and he instantly start shaking his head, shrugging innocently. "I mean, I don't- I was just wondering if they had ever - me and Poe are great friends," he splutters, scratching the back of his neck.

"Just do yourself a favour and tell him before you leave," I say kindly, telling him I'll see them at dinner before I walk off, leaving Finn desperately clutching the sabre as he glances sideways at Poe and Kay.

I nod in acknowledgment as I pass people in the cave halls, making my way towards the outside. I still don't know half of these people's names. I've never been great at remembering shit like that, it all just passes by in a blur. I don't need to show the watchmen my ID as they shove open the door for me, the outside sunlight streaming in. I squint, arm above my face as I walk into the forest. That's another thing about living in caves, your eyes start to forget what the sun looks like.

My head pounds as I make my way to the Falcon. I've been fixing it up for the past month, making small modifications where I can. Grabbing the toolbox from where I left it last time, I pull down the ramp, and it falls down with a weary creak. Nose crinkling, I rub my temples as the thudding continues. Mum thinks I'm not drinking enough water, and Poe says it's just from living under a rock for weeks but I know it's coming from Kira. 

I haven't heard from her since I saw her gash against her neck. Not even one flash of that darkness. Just headaches that come and go unpredictably, screaming against my mind. And this one's the worst so far. Dropping the metal toolbox at my feet, I fall down onto the sofa, lying on my back as I place my hands over my face. I'll just wait it out. But as I clutch my head, my ears twitch. A soft, melancholy humming sound brushes past my ears. Lifting my hands from my face, I slowly sit up, breath catching when I see Kira.

She's sitting on the seat across from me somehow, legs to her chest as she buries her face in her knees. Her long hair is unbound, falling down her back like a waterfall of whiskey. She hasn't noticed me yet. Throat bobbing, I stay still, scared to move. If I frighten her it might break the connection. Scowling at myself, I furrow my brows. Good. I shouldn't care about not seeing her. I don't care about not seeing her. 

It's been easier to sleep, knowing there isn't a monster in a mask listening to every thought you have. But there's something inside me that softens at the sight of her all bundled up, muffled humming stretching across lightyears. Where is she? None of our spies have reported seeing her for a month, and there's been no warnings of an insane war lord wreaking havoc on planets like she was doing before.

"I didn't know you liked dirge," I finally say, commenting on the mournful song she's murmuring. I sit still, unable to move as she slowly lifts her head up. Her eyes go wide at the sight of me, like she didn't recognise my voice at first. I'd recognise her voice anywhere.

"You don't know anything about me," she quips back, brows furrowing as she slowly unfolds her legs, standing up off of her chair. She instantly looks less somber, slipping straight back into her threatening demeanour. "I know _everything_ about you," I hiss as I jump to my feet. "You were in my head for five fucking years!" I yell, arms flailing. "You were all I knew."

She rolls her eyes, folding her arms. She looks up at me from lowered brows. "What's my name?" She says it so calmly, eyes not moving from me as she takes a step closer. "What?" I ask, unsettled at that. She takes another step forward, head tipped forward. "What's my name?" she breathes, only about a hair's breadth away from me. My heart rattles against my ribs like a stone against a wooden box.

"Kira Ren," I shrug, hating the way my voice wavers. She laughs cruelly, shaking her head. She takes a step back from me before she turns away. "I don't need to know your name," I protest, fingers clenching into fists. "I know _what_ you are."

"Do you?" she inquires without turning around. I watch as she leans on something, slowly turning her head to meet my eyes. She watches me carefully for a moment, dark eyes swirling with gold. "Ah, you do," she nods, pursing her lips. 

"You killed my _father_ ," I shoot, hands instinctively going for the dice in my pocket. Her throat bobs and for a split second, remorse seems to flash across her sharp features. But as quickly as it appears, it fades, leaving behind a face painted in alienation. It looks like something snaps in her at the mention of my father because she snarls, stamping towards me.

"Your Resistance killed my parents!" She yells back, pointing an accusing finger at me. "And I was aiming for you anyway," she snaps, nose crinkling. 

"That doesn't make it _better_ ," I hiss in frustration and annoyance. She rolls her eyes as she looks up at me. Leaning forward, she frowns. If I moved an inch, our foreheads would be touching. My mouth goes dry as the smell of rain and lavender drifts towards me. "You wouldn't take my offer," she says simply, nostrils flaring. I don't reply, just shake my head softly. The rage seems to dissolve from her eyes slightly as her throat bobs and she glances away. "People die in war, Solo. This is what you signed up for."

"I didn't sign up for anything," I murmur. "I was thrown into this as soon as I was born. I've never really had a choice."

"Everyone has a choice," she disagrees, biting her bottom lip. She looks like she's about to say more, sighing lightly as she looks up at me from her long lashes, when there's a knock from my end of the bond. Head snapping towards the sound, I take an impulsive step away from Kira. "Who are you talking to?" Kay asks as she leans against the sofa, arms folded as she watches me curiously. 

"I was just..." I trail off as I look back at Kira, who's grinning. She's looking behind me, straight towards Kay and for a second I think she might be able to see her before her eyes move back onto me. "The traitor?" she asks, arching an amused eyebrow. I don't reply, voice caught in my throat. Kira hums softly, licking her lips as she nods. "It's the girl."

"Wait," I start, eyes wide. "How did you-"

"Seriously Ben," Kaydel starts from behind me, voice bordering on worried. I don't move, keeping my eyes trained on Kira. "Who are you talking to?"

"No one," I say tartly, frowning as Kira shakes her head, a cast of amusement on her face. "No one. I was only..." I murmur, throat bobbing as Kira Ren clicks her tongue.

" _Liar_ ," she hisses through her teeth before her figure disappears, leaving me behind with the image of her dark eyes gleaming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments make me happy :)


	4. Orange Boiler Suit

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Not a goodbye."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this one's so short guys, school is really pilling up that google classroom work

Kira Ren

Solo vanishes, the last thing I see his wide dark eyes. Sighing, I let my shoulders drop as I glance around my empty ship. Wrapping my arms around myself, I drop down onto the floor of my fighter, legs dangling into the cockpit down below. I flop down onto my back, arms spread out as I watch the infinite expanse of darkness from the windows. It's always calmed me; the nothingness. The stretched canvas of pure twilight.

That's the one thing I vividly remember from Ladarra, the night sky. I would lie outside in the dark, fingers digging into the sand as I watched the sky breathe out its shadows. This ship's glass roof was the reason why I picked it up from the junk trader's bidding on Tatooine all those years ago. I'd needed a ship of my own for years, tired of using the Order's TIE fighters. So when I'd passed a bidding while on a mission on Tatooine, I'd bought it. 

The junk trader had turned his nose up at me, dubious as to whether a sixteen year old girl had enough credits. He'd laughed, telling me to find a proper playground to piss about in. He'd stopped laughing when my hand shot out, gripping onto his neck with the Force as I'd lifted him up. As I held the writhing man in my grasp, I'd considered killing him and just taking the ship. But I wanted this to be mine. Not bought with blood. So I'd let him go and slammed the money onto his counter, leaving the pitiful planet in my new ship. 

It's taken a couple years to fix it up, but now it runs beautifully. An old Delta-7 Aethersprite-class light interceptor, Snoke had expressed his disappointment in me for choosing what he described as a Jedi rust-bucket. A part of me had wondered whether I should sell it, or maybe even destroy it myself, but that was one of the only times I've ever ignored Snoke. I kept the ship, and renovated it beyond recognition. Now a sleek, black interceptor, with a new hyperdrive system, it's perfect. 

And it's clear roof hasn't been chipped once. One hand on my stomach, I reach out with the other, fingers touching the sky. I frown as I drop my hand back, a shiver breathing down my spine. _You've failed._

Suddenly, I have the overbearing urge to have a shower, scrubbing myself head to toe. Pushing up onto my elbows, I look down at myself, suddenly feeling slightly sick. My clothes stick horrendously to my skin, and my hair feels matted as it tumbles down to my waist, feeling too much like chains. Eyes flicking around my ship, I bite my lip as they fall on a knife sticking out from under a metal counter. 

Squeezing my eyes shut, I see the blond girl in my mind again. Feel the way she'd made Solo feel. Nostalgic and bright, a soft warmness spreading across his body. Jaw clenching, I scramble up onto my feet, grabbing the scissors from the counter. Hands trembling slightly, I can't shove the image of Solo out of my head. His hair was neater. Cleaner. Scrapped back with two small braids. He'd looked like the part of his new position. 

The Galaxy is teeming with whispers of the return of Ben Solo. Son of Leia, nephew of Luke. Prince of Alderaan. The last Jedi. 

If they only knew he could barely hold a sabre.

Finn

It only takes a couple of days for me to get ready. The whole time I wished it would go quicker, the desire to finally train, to finally do something, burning me up. But now, as I stand in front of the small starfighter, my stomach clenches in apprehension. "Well," Poe whistles as he climbs out the ship, landing on the damp ground with a smirk. "She's all ready for you," he says, arms folded as he stands beside me, both of us staring at the ship.

"Poe," I start, biting my bottom lip. I can't look at him. I can't see the rejection in his eyes. Maybe this was a bad idea. Nope, yeah. This was definitely a bad idea. Why the fuck am I listening to Ben Solo? I'm like ninety per cent sure the guy's a virgin. He doesn't speak to anyone, let alone people he can't stop thinking about. Can't stop thinking about the way they smile when they catalogue the ships in the base. Or the way their shirt rode up as they pulled off a jumper once, revealing a sliver of tanned skin. No. Ben Solo doesn't tell people things. So why the fuck should I?

"I like the way you look in your uniform." I looked up to meet Poe's eyes, brows furrowing. "In the orange boiler suit," he tries to explain when he sees my confused face. "You look cute. In the orange boiler suit."

"What are you saying?" I ask quietly, voice wavering.

"I'm saying that I like you. And that you better not die." A grin breaks out across my face as Poe watches me carefully, brown eyes bright. "This isn't a goodbye," Poe smiles softly, holding out his hand. I nod, slowly placing my hand in his. He laughs lightly before he lightly prods between my eyebrows with his finger. "What was that for?" I ask, cocking my head.

He throws me that grin, the same one from when we first met, and my heart slips slightly. "You always crinkle your nose when you think too hard," he laughs, running his tongue along his teeth. "Which isn't often," he adds, head tipped back with laughter as I shove him. I go to step back, rolling my eyes, but he catches my collar, gently pulling me towards him. A dark curl falls into his face and my mouth goes dry as I watch him tuck it behind his ear.

We're standing very close together. Have we been standing this close the whole time? Fuck, this boiler suits isn't clean. I don't think my hair looks nice right now. I blink up at him, listening to my breathing and his breathing as we somehow get closer. I don't know who's walking forward. Me or him. It might be both go us. I don't know.

I shudder slightly when our foreheads touch, Poe grinning widely as he leans in closer. Oh fuck. We lean in closer, and it’s like the air around us is magnetic, pulling us towards each other, heavy and heated with every desire unveiled. Poe is looking at me too, like _really_ looking, and suddenly I'm so annoyed at myself for waiting this long. Three weeks of a heavy heart for nothing. 

My breath catches as he leans in, lips brushing mine and holy shit, I can't believe this is finally-

"Hey!" Someone shouts from above us. "Stop sticking your tongues down each others throats. PDA is prohibited." Sighing, I look up to see Kaydel sitting in the trees above us, Jess giggling beside us. "The fuck are you doing in the trees?" I ask, pinching the bridge of my nose as Poe mutters something under his breath that I don't catch. 

"We were getting firewood," Jess shrugs as they climb down, her long dark hair swishing in the air as she swings some sort of machete around. "We got bored," she adds, grinning widely as she spins the blade in her fingers. I wince as she catches it. Everyone around here acts like they're invincible. Like they can all fly their ships into the face of death without getting even a scratch. Poe's squadron's the worst for it.

"What are you murmuring about?" Kaydel asks as she swings an arm around Poe's shoulder. Rolling his eyes, he lightly elbows her side. 

"TheJawa calls the Ewok short," Poe says louder, grinning when Jess snorts from beside me. When Kaydel glares at her she tries to cover it with a cough, machete swinging dangerously close to me as she covers her face with her fist.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Kaydel says, shrugging casually as she picks up the pile of loose firewood that her and Jess must've collected. 

"Ah yes," Poe muses as he leans against my ship, eyebrows arched. "Watching Ben when he trains is just a fun hobby is it?" I try to bite back my laugh as Kaydel's ears go pink. She spins round to scowl at Poe, shoving the wood into his arms. "It's called picking up tips from someone who's better than you," she frowns, hands on her waist. "You should try it."

She stalks off, the back of her neck tinged red in embarrassment. Jess winces, giving Poe a look before she chases after her friend. "Good luck, Finn," she shouts behind her before she disappears into the caves. "Kaydel likes Ben?" I ask as Poe struggles to hold the wood in his arms, kicking them up with his knee. 

"Kay's liked Ben since we were ten," he smirks, quirking his brows up at me. "They had a casual thing a couple years ago," he shrugs. "Guess she likes the stoic and silent type."

"Who doesn't?" I murmur, leaning against the ship next to me. 

"Is that your way of telling me to talk less?" he asks, mock horror painted across his face. "You know, Finn, if you can't take all of me then I guess you can't have-" Leaning in I press my lips against his. He gasps lightly before he lets the firewood drop from his arms to wrap them around me. Pulling him closer, I repress a shudder, fingers grazing the stubble on his jaw. He tastes like blueberries and fire. He tastes like everything good in the galaxy mixed into one person.

He tastes like something I've been waiting my whole life for. 

"I can think of some ways to make you talk less," I murmur once we pull apart, foreheads together. He laughs breathlessly, chest rising slowly as he looks down at the ground, tongue pushed into his cheek. He opens his mouth but shuts it, head shaking before he lightly pushes me away from him, hands on my shoulders. "Alright," he says, taking a deep breath in before he lets go of me, bending down to gather up the wood. "I'll see you around, Jedi Warrior," he says, grinning brightly, his white teeth shinning. 

"I don't think that's a real thing," I mumble, suddenly apprehensive. "Poe, I just-"

"Nope," he interrupts me, shaking his head as he takes a couple steps away from me. "Not a goodbye," he reminds me, brows high as he keeps walking backwards. 

"You're going to hit a tree," I object as he gets further and further away. He doesn't say anything, just shoots me a sultry grin before he spins on his heels and walks back towards the caves. I don't watch him leave, telling myself I will see him again. Rolling my shoulders back, I pull myself up into my ship. Taking a deep breath in, I look down at the map on the screen. "Here we go," I murmur as I take off, fingers gripping the accelerator tightly. I take one glance at the green planet before I leap into hyperdrive, leaving my family behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comments and kudos make me smile


	5. Let Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "No bullshit, Ben."

Ben

"You need a haircut." I look up from the new reports, arching a brow at my mother. "It's too scruffy," she comments from behind her desk. We're going through this week's reports, sent in from our spies scattered across the galaxy. None of them have answered the question that keeps replaying in my mind. Where do they keep coming from? They have forces across what seems like the whole Galaxy now, and they've managed to scrape this together in a mere six years. A terrorist organisation, everyone keeps saying. But terrorist organisations don't wipe out the Republic, leaving the Galaxy orderless and in chaos. 

"Jerjerrod needs someone to supervise the J-squad's monthly assessment tomorrow," she says as I stare down at the papers I'm holding. My stomach clenches as my eyes fall on the scrawled sentence reading, all reports disclose that the Master of Ren hasn't been spotted for a month. "Get Poe to do it," I shrug as I drop the paper into my read pile, leaning back into my chair. "He loves telling people what they're doing wrong," I murmur as I look up at my mum, met with an unamused face. "I hate kids," I sigh, trying to disappear into my woollen sweater. "They're sticky."

"The J squadron needs to see someone they look up to," she says, narrowing her eyes at me. Sighing, I concede, gingerly agreeing to do it before she stands up, ruffling my hair as she walks towards the door. "I have a meeting with Xiono and the Ace squadron," she says, glancing at the clock on the wall before she says she'll bring lunch back with her. I just nod, looking back down at the reports as the door clicks shut behind her. I stand up out of the chair, stretching my arms out as I look around her office. We've been here for hours already, just ticking boxes and scanning numbers. And my head is fucking killing me.

I fall down into my mother's chair, leaning back as I drop my feet onto the desk. Everything's been so weird since Finn left two weeks ago. Poe's laugh is always forced, the loneliness evident in his eyes. He comes back to our room late at night, falling into his bunk without a word, refusing to tell me where he's been. Kay barely talks to me anymore, brushing me off with a polite smile every time I try and speak to her. And now that Finn's gone I have no one to train with. Poe said I could always train with him and his pilots, but I'd rather train alone than with twenty Poe Damerons.

Sighing, I'm about to go back to reading the reports when I feel her. 

That's another thing that's been pissing me off the past two weeks. Kira shutting me out. It's unbearably frustrating that she's figured out how to control the bond, figured out how to completely shut me out like I'm nothing. Like this is all just a mild inconvenience for her. 

I frown, arms folded when she appears on the floor, legs in a basket. She lets out a surprised laugh, red lips curving up in a bright smile. "I didn't know if that was going to work," she admits as she looks up at me. She's bundled up in a blanket, and my eyes widen as she shrugs it off, standing up. "You-your hair," is the only thing I manage to get out, throat constricting. Holy fuck. I know she's a monster, but I'd be lying if I said sometime I wonder what it would be like to sleep with someone like her. A wild force of nature.

She looks down at her hair, pulling at it with her fingers. She's cut most of it off, so now it just falls down in waves to her chin. "You have a fringe," I murmur, brows furrowed. She frowns, folding her arms as she tilts her chin at me. "You don't like it?"

"No, I mean... it's nice," I stumble over my words before I remember who I'm talking to. I'm not fourteen anymore and this isn't a girl from the Academy. I scowl as she grins, red lips spreading to reveal her gleaming fangs. "What are you doing?" I hiss from my seat, sitting up straight as she saunters towards me.

"Hunting you," she breathes, leaning towards me. Her eyes drop down onto the desk, brows arching. I watch, body still as she tentatively drops her hands through the air, giggling when they don't go through the wood. "Interesting," she murmurs. "What is it? A bed? A table? Are you eating right now?" she questions as her head snaps up to look at me curiously. When I don't answer she rolls her eyes, sighing dramatically. Like I'm the one being crazy here. 

"Where's your girlfriend?" she asks, jumping up onto the desk experimentally. Her legs don't reach the floor, so she just lets them sway as she leans closer to me. I'm hit with the infuriating smell of soft flowers again. "She's not my girlfriend," I snap back. I really can't talk about Kay right now. I know she thinks I'm fucking mental. I tried explaining it to her after she caught me and Kira, telling her most of the truth. That there's always been this darkness in the back of my mind, for as long as I can remember, and now it speaks to me. I just left out the part about the part of me somehow being Kira Ren, the war criminal who's trying to kill us all one by one. I'm glad I kept it short, because I can't imagine what Kay's reaction would've been to that if this is how she acts to the believable part of the story. 

"But you want her to be," Kira muses, leaning back onto her arms as I stand up, slamming my fists on the desk. What the fuck is she talking about? This is Kira Ren; my greatest nemesis. The exact opposite of me in all ways. We both know this will end up with one of us dead, most likely by the other's hand. So why the fuck are we talking about our feelings? "I hear all your thoughts, Solo," she clicks her tongue, short hair swaying as she bops her head to the beat of her own amusement. 

"Get out of my fucking head," I shout suddenly, eyes wide with frustration and fury. She looks quite taken aback, throat bobbing as she slowly slides off the desk, clasping her hands behind her back. "Why are you so angry?" she murmurs, stepping around the desk closer to me. I look for the insult, for the grin, but nothing's there. She's genuinely asking me. And I hate it. I hate her and the way she's always taking up too much space in my head. It's becoming too hard to see past her.

"Because the fucking psychopath who killed my dad won't stop bothering me!" I yell, brushing past her. I run two shaking hands up my face and into my hair as I breathe slowly. "Why'd you shut me out?" I ask suddenly, turning on my heels to face her. She's leaning against the chair, head tilted. Her hands are slung into her slim trouser pockets. She looks so much more unkempt than a month ago. With the chaotic hair and casual uniform. Her shirt also resembles more of a body glove, tight fitting to her lean physique, tucked into her soft trousers.

I blink when she speaks, lifting my eyes from her body as I feel red tinge the back of my neck. "Why do you care?" she asks softly, frowning slightly. Her lips are still painted red, and for some reason she looks more menacing in this get up than her old mountain of cloaks bidding her. Now you can see all her angles, her sharp legs and elegant muscles. 

"Forget it," I sigh, shaking my head as my back hits the wall. "Just... _fuck_ ," I groan, head tipped back as I stare at the rocky ceiling. I want to fucking kick something. Glaring, my eyes dart to Kira as she laughs lightly, the sounds like stars. Stop listening to my thoughts, I shoot down the bond, watching as she shrugs at me as if to ask what else I expect her to do.

"I am," Kira starts, tongue pushed into her tongue. She looks down at the floor as she winces as if she's in pain. "Sorry. About Han Solo."

"No you're not," I sigh, not even angry any more. Just annoyed. And very tired. Her eyes flash with emotion.

"I know what it is like, to lose your parents. And I am sorry that it has caused you pain." When I don't reply, she frowns, arms folded. I have no idea how to respond to that. I know it's genuine, I can feel it in my blood. And I hate it. I hate it so fucking much I want to scream.

"I feel your pain, asshole," she hisses. "I know you miss him. And that you're annoyed at yourself for never forgiving him for leaving you before he died."

"I'm annoyed at _you_ ," I quip, hands shoved into my pockets. "For fucking killing him."

"Don't worry," she murmurs. "I feel it too," she looks up at me, a hint of a smile dancing on her red lips. "The anger. The frustration at this. At all of this," she says, gesturing around the room. I wonder where she is right now. "I already told you," she says. "I'm hunting you."

"Stop listening to my thoughts," I sigh, chest feeling tight.

"I can't help it," she tells me, rolling her shoulders back. "Your thoughts are too loud." Her fingers tap absentmindedly against the sabre at her side as her eyes dart across my body. "You need to block them in," she breathes, fingers reaching forward. My breathing catches when they touch my temples, making contact. Kira takes a step closer, eyes not leaving mine as her body comes closer to mine. Everything around me seems to bleed into nothingness, until all I can see and feel and want are Kira's fingers against my skin. She presses harder, dark eyes wide at the contact. Her hand lies flat against my cheek. "Solo, I-"

"What in the blue blazes are you doing?" I turn to see my mother standing in the threshold, tray of sandwiches in her arms as she watches me, worry painting her face. I don't answer, already turning back to Kira, the fear of her disappearing again boiling up in me. But she's still here, unwavering in her presence. Her dark brows are knitted together, muscles protruding as if she's trying to carry an enormous weight.

"I can't hold onto the connection," she explains, voice cracking. Her fingers fall from my face, turning into clenched fists. "I don't know why," she moans in pain, dark eyes flashing up to meet mine. 

"Let go," I say quickly, her pain replaying in my own mind. She doesn't, just clenches her jaw tighter as determination flickers over her sharp features. "What are you doing?" I hiss. "Let go." I'm vaguely aware of my mother speaking behind me, the sound of her placing the tray on her desk echoing around the room as Kira barks out in pain. 

"Not until you understand that I'm sorry," she hisses, looking up at me through hardened eyes. 

"Let. Go," I growl, moving forward to try and catch her hands. But she steps back, narrowing her eyes at me. "I understand." The words tumble from my mouth before I even realise what I'm saying, and I watch, head shaking as Kira's face relaxes with relief. "See you in my mind, Solo," she murmurs softly before she's gone, the smell of fresh wildflowers remaining.

"Ben Solo." I slowly turn to face my mother, cringing as she folds her arms, nostrils flaring in anger. 

"I can explain," I start, trying to smile innocently.

"Oh, you _better_ be able to explain," she says, eyebrows rising as she glares at me. "Who the hell were you talking to? And no bullshit, Ben," she adds when I sigh, leaning back against the wall. "Kira Ren," I say, frowning when she scowls at me. 

"I said no-"

"I'm telling the truth," I protest. "We can-she-we have this _bond_ , mum," I say, running my tongue nervously across my teeth. "We can communicate somehow through our minds. It has to be something to do with the Force."

"Kira Ren?" she asks, lips in a tight line. "The war lord who killed your father?" I slowly nod, unsure of what else to say. "And what? You can't control this bond? It just comes and goes?"

"I can't control it," I say carefully, clasping my hands behind my back. 

"But she can?" Mum figures it out fairly quickly, light eyes flashing in anger. "Blast it, Ben!" she swears, pinching the bridge of her nose. "In my office? Did she see our reports? Everything that is imperative that we keep secret from the First Order?" she rambles, fist slamming down on her desk. 

"We can't see each other's surroundings," I say quickly, walking towards my mother as I try and calm her down. "It's fine," I say. "I have it under control, I can-"

"Kira Ren is dangerous, Ben," she says, warning lacing her tone. "More dangerous than you realise yet. She isn't like Vader. There is no conflict in her. She is a loose canon. Unpredictable, hot-headed and careless. She isn't political like Snoke or Palpatine. She isn't clever or underhanded. She is just here to kill people. To inflict pain on others as much as she can. She is one of the most dangerous people in the Galaxy, Ben," she says, eyes fluttering shut as she drops down into her chair, head in her hands. 

"I know who she is," I murmur. "I've known who she is for a while." She looks up at that, confused. "Ever since I was young, there's been this darkness in the back of my mind. I just thought it was a fucked up Skywalker thing," I shrug. 

"But it's her," she murmurs, rubbing her eyes with the heels of her hands as she sighs.

"The Republic killed her parents," I breathe, looking down at the floor. "She was left alone as a child. Can we really blame her for what she's become?" I ask. "She has all this power, and she just doesn't know what to do with it."

"Ben, she killed Han. She killed your father. She was trying to kill _you_. She is a grown woman who can differentiate between what's wrong and what's right." She sighs like I'm a petulant child having a strop. 

"You're not listening to me," I object, mouth quirking in anger. She leans back in her chair, exhaling deeply.

"No. I'm not. I have a lot of reports to approve. Now, if you'll excuse me," she orders, gesturing to the door as she looks down at the paper on her desk. I don't say anything, biting my tongue as I storm away. She just doesn't understand yet. It's fine, I'll find a way to explain it to her. "Oh, Ben," she calls as I turn the door handle, shouldering it open. "Find a way to get rid of the bond. It's too dangerous." When I don't reply, she lowers her brows. The face of my mother is gone, replaced with the General. "That's an order, Colonel."

I sharply bob my head in acknowledgment, trying hard to not slam the door behind me. What a load of bantha crap. I get how it sounds crazy, but she's my mother. She should trust me. What does she think I'm going to run off with Kira? And how can she say there's no conflict in her when she's never even met her. It's all that Anakin Skywalker shit. She never got over Luke forgiving him. Thought it was all bullshit. 

Well, whatever. It's not like I was intending to to save Kira's soul or anything. I blink when I find myself standing in the entrance to the greenhouse. I let myself wander in, jumping down the stony steps. There's artificial lights caved into the rocky ceilings, mimicking the light of the sun. I walk past the planters, brushing the leaves before I come to a blue flower. Bending down, my throat bobs. It's a Kewafi flower.

I don't touch it. I'm not really up for having a flower stab poison into my fingers with it's petals. So I just sit down in front of it, bringing my knees to my chest. Beautiful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments make me smile and keep me motivated to write :)
> 
> ps. for Kira's new hair, think Tokyo from Money Heist season 1


	6. Bloodline

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You could have been great."

Finn

I understand why Skywalker picked this place, I think as I enter the planet's orbit, gaping at the rocky island formations. I bring the ship down, the wings skirting the waters as I shoot over the thrashing sea. I stay still for a while after I land on the rocks, heart clattering against my chest. This is fine. This is so fine.

"He's just a man," I murmur as I push myself up out of my chair, grabbing the bag with Ben's saber, no _Luke's_ saber, on my way out. I laugh when the fresh air hits my face, the water from the sea around me splashing against my legs. Shouldering the bag, I look up, grimacing at the steep mountain steps that seem to disappear into the sky. Those don't look particularly safe. Rolling my shoulders back, I clasp and unclasp my fists, and then I walk towards it. 

I'm panting by the time I get to the top, reaching some sort of clearing. Huts made of piled up stones are littered around the clearing. "Hello?" I call but the only thing that answers is the roaring wind accompanied by the sound of the waves crashing against the cliffs. Taking a swig from the water canister at my side, I continue up the stone steps, holding onto the cliffside as support. I graze my hands a couple of times against the rough surface, but I keep on. 

I can feel that I'm getting closer, a tingly feeling shooting through my body as I continue on. I pause as I finally reach the top of the valley, the harsh wind cutting against my skin. My breathing hitches as I see him. Luke Skywalker. He's at the edge of the cliff, looking out across that endless sea. I frown as my eyes fall on the unlit torch in his gnarled hands, fingers tightened. I take an instinctive step forward, brain not really comprehending the magnitude of this yet. If this was Poe or Jess, or anyone from the base they'd be freaking out. I would be too probably, if I hadn't been told that the legend of Skywalker was bullshit my whole life until a year ago. 

Before I can even say anything, Luke's turning around, eyes narrowed at me. "Who are you?" he says, voice low as the wind pushes his hood down. "How did you find me?" he asks, storming towards me. I stumble backwards. This is not what I was expecting at all. It's not like I was anticipating him to invite me to sit down for a cup of cafa with him. But I wasn't expecting this man, with soft wrinkles and a swirling sense of exasperation behind his eyes. I was not expecting him to snarl at me. 

"I was sent to find you," I choke out as I pull open my bag, grasping for his saber. "By your sister. And your nephew." He seems to soften at that, throat bobbing as he rakes his mechanical fingers through his greying hair. But then when he turns back to me, eyes falling on the saber in my outstretched hands, he growls. "Put that away," he says, eyes snapping back up to meet mine as he storms past me. 

I watch him with wide eyes, glancing down at the saber in my hands before I look up again. Scratching the back of my neck, I look around, sighing when I realise that Luke Skywalker's disappeared again. How big can this island be? I think as I stand up onto the small hills of stacked stones. Gulping, I run the saber over my hands as I realise that maybe the island is pretty big. And that maybe this won't be as easy as I thought.

Kira Ren

Snoke leers pulling his hand back. I clutch at my cheek, burning red from his strike. "The potential of your bloodline," he hisses. Shaking my head, I try to stand up, but I'm stuck to the ground, rock scraping against my skin as I try to claw away from Snoke. "You could have been great!" he screams. "It was in your blood." His voice curdles my blood as I gasp, the air in the room thinning.

It's only as I struggle on the floor that I realise I have no idea where I am. It's some sort of cave, flowers snaking their way up the walls. Artificial light shines down too brightly, and I squint as Snoke keeps yelling at me. "What happened to them will happen to you," he snarls as he bends down, picking me up by the throat. I gasp out as his long fingers snake around my neck, legs dangling. As he holds me in the air, he wraps my head, nails digging into my temples as he forces my head around. "It'll happen to you," he hisses as my mouth falls open.

I watch the slaughter of Ladarra unfold before me. Head shaking, tears run down my face, clinging to my jaw as I desperately struggle against Snoke's hold. "No," I beg, fingers digging into his. But he doesn't even flinch. "No. No. No, please. Please," I whine, sounding like a wounded animal. My voice trembles along with my limbs, gasping for air between strangled sobs.

"Watch," Snoke growls and somehow my eyes are forced open wider, prickling with tears. I watch as a five year old me runs from her burning home, screaming for her parents. Her white tunic is burnt, blackened against her tanned skin. Tears run down her face too, mixed with snot dripping from her innocent and terrified face. "Mama! Papa!" she screams as she turns her back on her burning home. I gasp out, arms reaching out to try and help her. But I can't move from Snoke's hold. I watch as the other buildings start to catch fire too, as the Resistance fighters shoot over the sky, shooting in my direction. 

I watch, wide eyed as someone grabs me, running a soothing hand down my hair. I don't remember this. The cloaked person runs, cradling me in their arms as they take cover behind one of the burning dirt huts. "Who?" I gasp out. Snoke doesn't answer, just somehow zooms into the scene playing out in front of us. I still can't make out who's under the hood, but an image of stark blue eyes flashes through my mind. I watch as the Resistance continues to open fire on the village, the hidden figure clutching me close to their chest.

I blink when it disappears, silent for a moment before I start to protest, thrashing wildly against Snoke's hold. "Who was that?" I yell. "Who saved me?" But he doesn't reply, just sneers at me before he lets go. I fall down onto the rocky ground, hissing upon the impact. I try and sit up, gasping when my hand hits something squishy beside me. I scream out, gasping, when I realise that I'm lying in between two corpses. Scrambling to my feet, my chest heaves as I stare down at the two corpses. Their clothes have melted into their charred flesh, their eyes burst and dripping down their faces. "No," I shake my head as I step back. "No. Please," I murmur, wrapping my arms around myself. 

"Yes," Snoke whispers from behind me. "Your parents." I yell out in anger as I spin towards him, summoning my sabre to my hands. It smashes through the rocky cave walls into my fingers, lighting on impact. "I hate you!" I scream as I slash at Snoke with my weapon, snarling as he effortlessly dodges my attacks. "I hate you. I hate you. I hate you!" I keep screaming, my voice ripping through my whole body as I try and bring the crackling red light down onto him. But Snoke just waves his hand and I crash into the wall, rocks jagging deep into my skin. 

I land in a planter overflowing with sharp violet flowers, and I cry out as they all snipe at me, digging into my skin as they drag me down into the dirt. Snoke looms over me as they haul me down deeper, a sneer across his face. "Fuck you," I spit up before the dirt covers my face, watching as he wipes my saliva from his face. Then all I can see is darkness.

I sit up, chest heaving as I squint in the darkness. "Crink," I hiss as I lean over to turn on the light beside my bed. Shuddering, I pull my blanket up over me as I breathe heavily. I can feel tears sliding down my cheeks and I rub the heels of my hands into my eyes. When I look back up, the figure of Ben Solo appears in my room, eyes wild as they land on me. "Are you alright?" he questions, face a cast of seriousness.

"Yes," I dismiss, folding my arms under the covers. "What are you doing here?"

"I don't know," he admits sheepishly. "I felt you, and I just sort of held on." 

"I think we need to stop this," I say, throat bobbing. "Or at least warn each other before," I gesture to the both of us with my hand. "This happens." I'm fine with intruding his personal space whenever I want, but I completely forgot that he'd figure out how to do the same to me soon. Looks like he's figured it out. He nods slowly before he wanders over to me, hands shoved in his pockets. My brows knit together as he drops down onto my bed tentatively. He prods the mattress experimentally until I kick him with my bare foot.

He gives a huff of amusement before he holds his hands up, cocky grin on his face. "I get them too," he murmurs, looking up at the ceiling. I wonder where he is now. If it's night wherever he is, or if he's gazing up at the clouds outside. 

"Get what?" I ask as I pull my knees to my chest. 

"Nightmares," he comments, shooting me a look as if to say don't pretend like you don't know. I don't reply, not really wanting to divulge my dark dreams with this vexing smuggler. "They're mostly nonsensical," he shrugs, moving his legs into a basket. "A couple of them have been about you." I arch an eyebrow, trying to hide the smile that threatens to appear on my face. "About you murdering me," he elaborates and I laugh lightly already feeling a lot more calm than a minute ago. 

"How do I murder you?" I ask, leaning my head on my knees.

"Oh you know," he teases. "Maiming. Beheading. Cutting my dick off."

"That wouldn't kill you," I roll my eyes.

Solo raises his brows at me as he shakes his head like I don't understand. "Taking away my manhood is just as bad," he informs me, smirk dancing on his lips. Before I can say anything, his head snaps to the side, clearly seeing something I can't. "Duty calls," he looks back at me, shrugging as he stands, dusting off his dark trousers. "See you around," he nods before his figure disappears. Sighing, I shuffle back down into my bed, head lying against the pillow as I let sleep drag me back in again. But this time I don't dream about Snoke and my dead parents, but of Ben Solo picking purple flowers in a clear meadow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> totally open to constructive criticism :)
> 
> kudos makes me smile


	7. Cyborg

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Then stop fucking looking."

Ben

She smiled. 

Not because she had me tied up. Not because she was a second away from slitting my throat, an inch away from spitting in my face. Not because she knew she was winning, had me pegged down.

She smiled because I said something funny. She didn't realise I saw. But I did. I saw the way she tried to hide it by covering her face with her covers. She had smiled. With me. And I don't know why I can't get it out my head. Why I want it painted across my mind forever. Tattooed on my body somewhere so I'll never be able to forget that fucking smile.

"Okay you little shits," I clap my hands as the J squad look up at me with enthusiastic faces. "Let's start," I sigh as I slide through their files on my data pad, narrowing my eyes as they run into position. "Give me twenty to start," I say without looking up from the data pad in my hands. Nodding, they all drop to the ground, sweat dripping as they start doing press ups. I'm only half an hour into their assessments when Poe and BB8 appear, Kay at their heels. "What are you doing here?" I frown as he jogs over to me. "Did I say stop?" I cock my head at the teenagers as they pause, watching us from their positions. I scowl as they all smirk at each other before resuming their sparring. "I fucking hate kids," I mutter, sighing heavily.

"Leia needs us," Poe says, shooting me an empathetic look. I didn't tell him about me and my mum's argument yesterday but he can clearly tell something's up. He hasn't pushed me though. Poe never does. "I'm doing their assessment," I tell him, gesturing to the assholes sparring beside us. "The assessment _she_ asked me to do," I add, folding my arms. 

"It might be important," Poe sighs, hands slouched in his suit pockets. "It might be about Finn," he adds gingerly. I resist the urge to roll my eyes. Finn literally only just commed us the other day to tell us he was landing. "If something had happened to Finn," I smile understandingly, clapping his shoulder. "We'd know already."

"You're really not going to come?" he raises his brow at me. I don't reply, just go back to checking off the boxes on the J-squad's forms. "Fine," he sighs dramatically. "I'll come report back to you." I nod before he stalks off, droid whirring behind him as he mutters in annoyance. Pretentious asshole, is the only thing I catch.

"You know you can't just piss about doing whatever you want know, right?" I turn to Kay with a clenched jaw. "You have responsibilities now."

"I know," I frown, clenching the datapad in my hands. "Responsibilities that I am doing that right now," I hiss, gesturing to the J squad who are trying to pretend like they aren't listening. "I'm not a dog to be beckoned by my mother," I growl before I turn back, arms folded. 

"Look, I don't know why you're acting like such an ass," Kay frowns, tilting her head up at me. "I don't know why you and the General are fighting, but you better sort your shit out, Colonel," she spits my title like it's an insult. "If this is about the _darkness_ ," her voice drops down to a whisper as she shoots a sideways glance at the eavesdropping trainees. "You can always talk to me about it. I might not fully understand. But we can try and figure out a way to get rid of it."

"I don't-I don't need to get rid of it," I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose. I really regret telling Kay and Mum about Kira. It was easier when it was just our thing. When I didn't have to defend it to anyone. When I didn't have to think about it too much. When it was just me and Kira. Not even really Ben Solo and Kira Ren, just this thing in the back of my mind. Just a girl who cries when she has nightmares. Just a girl who tries to hide her smile from me.

"I appreciate your concern, Kay," I sigh as I see her fallen face. "But I'm fine."

"You don't look fine," she objects. I scowl at that. Mostly because I know it's true. I haven't been sleeping that well. Living in the caves have taken a while to get used to. I liked living alone, just with my thoughts and my snarky droid. I'm still not that comfortable constantly being with someone. The only time I'm actually alone is in the shower, since me and Poe managed to bag a room with a small bathroom attached. But my showertime is used to mostly walk while trying to shut Kira out so she doesn't actually see my dick. 

"Then stop fucking looking," I snap, instantly regretting it when Kay frowns, face crumbling slightly. "Fuck. Kay, crink, I'm sorry, okay? I just-" she cuts me off by shaking her head, biting her bottom lip. "Get over yourself Ben. Angst time is over. We have a fucking war on our hands," she says, rolling her shoulders back before she leaves, hips swaying. I groan into my hands before I shout after her. 

"I outrank you now," I yell. "Can't just go around saying shit like that to your superiors." She just throws up her middle finger before she disappears into the forest, leaving me alone with a bunch of snickering twats.

"Your girlfriend's hot," one of them says as I turn to face them. I sigh, scratching the back of my neck. 

"Not my girlfriend," I mutter as I lean against a tree, balancing the data pad on my knee as I scrap my hair back into a short ponytail. Mum was right about that at least. I really do need a fucking haircut.

"Is she single?" another pipes up, smirking confidently as his friends elbow him. 

"I don't think _little shit_ is her type," I frown mockingly, ruffling his hair condescendingly as he scowls up at me. "Maybe if you actually pass your assessment she'll give you a chance, Junior."

"My name's Arrakis," he protests, folding his arms as he stands tall in his little orange boiler suit. Oh, this one's like Poe. Doesn't know when to shut his mouth. Can't tell when someone's pissed off. Or just doesn't care. I grin down at him before I look back down at the datapad. "I don't care, Junior," I shrug before I look back up at all of them and gesture to the floor. "Give me another fifty."

Finn

I realise that I'm lost pretty quickly after Luke vanishes. I try reaching out, or whatever it is that Ben's always doing, but nothing happens. Swearing under my breath, I keep making my way across the island, desperately searching for Luke. He didn't even listen to me. For some reason I assumed that Luke Skywalker would be kind and understanding. I think I even thought he'd just understand me instantly, offer to train me and then come back to stop the First Order. Turns out he's more like Ben than Leia.

I drop down another small hill, feeling dejected as I scan the area. Nothing. A part of me considers leaving. Scurrying back to Ben and Leia, running back into Poe's arms. Jaw clenched, I shake my head. No. I'm tired of feeling useless. I have this thing, and I can try and help people with it. And not just help the Resistance, help save the stormtroopers. I know they're not bad people. They were just kids like me. All of us snatched before we could walk.

The first memory I have is listening to the older boys at the base, nodding enthusiastically as they told me stories of the great Darth Sidious. We had no chance to decide for ourselves what was real. We were brainwashed our whole lives. I managed to figure it out. The rest haven't. And it's on me, as the only one who understands, to help them. And if I need this cranky old man to show me how to use this fucking light sword to do that, well, then that's what's going to happen.

With a new surge of determination waving through me, I scan my surroundings again. Eyes falling on a crack in the cliffside, I wander over to it. Something feels off about it. Throat bobbing, I trace the opening with my fingers, rock meeting skin. "Why does everything always have to be hidden?" I murmur as I take a step over the threshold, poking my head into the cave. Mouth falling open slightly, I take in the carved out clearing. It's beautiful. I go to walk further in, fascinated by the mosaic pool in the middle, water completely still despite the slight wind outside. But something tugs on my gut, and I turn, facing a tree.

It's massive, winding branches reaching for the pale skies. Its golden leaves flutter in the wind, murmuring against each other. I decide to listen to them, finding my feet walking towards the tree, away from the cave. Tapping the grey bark, I frown at the seemingly normal tree. But then I walk around it, and find myself in front of another ominous opening. This time I instantly walk inside, trusting the gut feeling. No. Trusting the Force.

I frown when all I find is a couple of poorly binded, fading books, the paper crinkled and ratty. "Great find," I murmur, rolling my eyes. Arm stretching out, I go to pick up one of the ancient books, when someone shouts behind me. "Don't touch them." 

I spin on my heels to see a girl behind me, blaster aimed straight at my chest. "Alright," I say quickly, holding my hands up. I can't get to Ben's sabre quickly, so I'm completely unarmed against this random girl. "I won't touch your crappy books." The girl nods slowly, gesturing for me to move away. I do as she says, eyes trained on the weapon as I side step away. She follows me outside, and I let loose a breath when she shoves the blaster into her thick jacket. "Who are you?" I ask cautiously, actually taking her in now. 

She's short, annoyance painting her soft feature, but she's pretty. She also looks a lot cleaner than Luke did. Not scruffy. Not like she lives on some cliff village in the middle of nowhere with the last Jedi in the Galaxy. "Rose," she says, dark eyes flicking up to me.

"Finn," I nod back. She doesn't respond to that, face completely unimpressed as she walks past me, tucking a strand of hair behind her ears. A small gasp leaves my mouth before I can stop it and Rose's head snaps towards me as I clasp my hands over my mouth. "Sorry," I shrug, gesturing to the side of her head. "Cyborg, huh? Pretty cool. I've never seen a construct like-" My hand instinctively moves towards her, but Rose slaps it away.

"Did no one ever teach you that it's rude to stare?" she asks, cocking her head at me as heat rises to my cheeks. "It's a byproduct of the Aj^6." That explains why she isn't walking around like the undead, blankness and empty. That's what happens to everyone else who has an Aj^6 in their brain. I resist the urge to shudder. I've never understood why people would want that. Would value knowledge over having a personality. Having a life.

"So you can-" I start, but I trail off. Her brain is basically a computer. And judging by the slightly prideful smirk on her lips, there's no need for me to clarify what she's capable of. "Why are you here?" I ask, following her back the way I came. "What's a cyborg doing on Ahch-To?"

"I came with Master Luke," she elaborates before she pauses, shooting me a glare over her shoulder. "And I've already told you my name's Rose. Don't call me 'cyborg' again."

" _Why_ though?" I press her, relentlessly following as she storms up the cliff. She stops suddenly and I almost topple into her. 

"Why are _you_ here?" she questions, arms folded. "I watched Master Luke leave you at the clearing. What did you say to him?" Sighing, I try and think about how I can explain this, when I realise it's probably easier to just show her. I reach for my bag, eyes wide when she pulls her blaster on me again. "What are you doing?" she demands, eyes narrowed.

"I'm not going to hurt you," I say. "I just want to show you something." Nodding slowly, she gestures for me to continue, but doesn't drop her blaster. Turning back to face her, I hold out the Skywalker saber. The sunlight hits off of the metal, casting shadows across us both.

"Holy fuck," Rose breathes, blaster falling from her fingers as she takes the saber from my hands.

"Hey," I protest, going to take it back, but she doesn't even hear me. She sways on the spot, eyes wide as she smiles down at the saber. "It's real," she murmurs, fingers dancing across the metal. "So beautiful." Suddenly, she seems to remember I'm standing here, head jumping up. Gently placing the saber back into my hands with a carefulness that's bordering on insane, she then grabs her blaster from the ground and quickly starts off again. 

"Hurry up," she calls back to me, dark eyes painted in determination. 

"Where are we going?" I ask, as I catch up to her. How is someone so short walking so fast?

"I'm taking you to Master Luke."


	8. Whispers and Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Fuck, Kira."
> 
> *mild smut warning*

Kira Ren

"Ready my ship." The lieutenant nods, scurrying off quickly. As he leaves, Phasma and Hux pass him, stepping into my office. Resisting the urge to roll my eyes, I stay seated, picking at my nails as I look up at them. "You missed the conference," Hux hisses, storming towards me. "You need to get your house in order, Ren. Cut the shit."

I sigh dramatically, arching a brow at him. "I've heard the rumours, Hux," I whisper, slowly standing up as I lean towards him. "The whispers from the troopers when they think I can't hear them. They call me crazy." Hux clicks his tongue, not backing down as he stares at me. "This is why I kept my identity hidden," I hiss, hair swaying as I stand straight. "Because if you're a woman with power, they all try their best to drag you down. They do not respect me anymore. They do not fear me anymore."

Hux shakes his head. "This has nothing to do with you skipping out on meetings. You sit in this office. Refuse to speak to anyone."

Jaw clenching, I tilt my head towards Phasma. "Do they call you a filthy whore too, Captain?" I ask, throat bobbing slightly. Their words bother me. They shouldn't. I am stronger, better, than them. But the rumours and lies that slither through the ship still reach my ears. Phasma doesn't respond, only looking down at the ground before Hux snaps his fingers. I glare back at him, arms folded. "You will attend the meetings," he breathes, voice dripping in warning. "Or I will tell Snoke."

His name sends a shiver through my body. _Snoke_. He is keeping something from me. Something about my family, about my blood. Something about who I am. I know that wasn't the actual Snoke I dreamed about before, but I also know that dreams aren't often just that. The Force is trying to lead me somewhere. And I'm not about to ignore that.

"They're calling me a harpy. My own goddamn soldiers. A blood-thirsty bitch," I click my tongue disapprovingly. "If that's what they want, Artimage. They can have her." Hux stares at me, eyes wide. Opening his mouth to no doubt chastise me more, the lieutenant enters my office again, telling me my ship's ready whenever I am. I nod, dismissing him with the wave of my hand before I bend down to grab the duffel bag behind my desk. Shouldering it, I summon my sabre to my hand, smirking as it shoots past Phasma and Hux, both of them flinching back.

"Where are you going?" Hux hisses, stepping in my way. Sighing, I shove him out of my way without even laying a finger on him. His back hits the wall with a nasty thud and he growls out, a mix of pain and anger. "I'll send you both a postcard from my travels," I wave before I leave, the door sliding shut behind me.

I've had enough of this bullshit. Enough of fighting Snoke's battles for him. Enough of these petty wars, when both sides are wrong. Too busy clutching to the past as a lifeboat to see the truth. But now I have a bigger truth that I need to find. I'll find out who my parents were. I'll find out who that cloaked person who saved me was. That's all that matters now. 

Ben

I watch from the Falcon with Chewie as Poe talks to his squadron, explaining why he'll be gone for a while. I frown as I notice that little shit from the J squad and a couple of his mates hanging around, legs swinging as they climb the trees above Poe and his pilots. "I don't get why she picked me," I say to Chewie as the wookie laughs loudly. "It's not funny," I sigh. "I'd rather stay here and actually help. Not run off with Poe trying to find some spy droid."

My uncle sighs, shaking his head as he reminds me that the droid might have Snoke's location. I concede, nodding in agreement before Chewie stands up from his spot on the couch, ruffling my hair and wishing me luck before he pads out of the ship. Biting my lip, I lean back, head against the wall as I wait for Poe. We do really need Snoke's location, to be fair. There's been no sightings of the Supreme Leader for about a year. It's like he's invisible. 

A part of me wishes Kira had stayed invisible too. After two months of nothing, she's suddenly exploded across the Galaxy. Everyone knows who the Master of Ren is now. Knows that if they see a beautiful woman with a twisted red smile, twin to the sabre in her fingers, they should run. Even though she isn't invisible anymore, we can't manage to track her movements. None of us have any idea what she's doing. She's travelling alone, popping up in random spots across the Galaxy, leaving a trail of blood behind her.

I haven't spoken to her properly since that night she had a nightmare. Sometimes her voice whispers in my mind, but I haven't seen her face in a while. "Hey." Jolting out of me reverie, I look up to find Kay standing in front of me. Her hair's down and she nervously twirls a strand around a finger. "Hey," I nod slowly. 

"I'm sorry," she says softly, sitting down beside me. "I shouldn't have called you out like that. You're my superior and I-"

"No," I mutter, shaking my head as I smile at her. "You had every right. I was being an ass. I was-I was pissed at something else and I took it out on you. I'd also like to think that you'd count me as a friend before a superior, Kay," I add, scratching the back of my legs as she watches me carefully.

"Of course," she nods. "Ben," she breathes after a moment of silence, shuffling closer to me. My jaw tightens as my heart gets heavier. She places her hand onto of mine. I go to pull back but then I look up, meeting her wide and nervous eyes. "Kay," I mutter, head tilting down. I thought she knew that I didn't, feel that way about her. 

"Please don't say anything," she cuts me off, voice thick with emotion. "Just..." she trails off, hand leaving mine, and she just looks so sad that makes me think, why not? Kay's great. She's so great, and we're already great friends, and it's not like we didn't have great sex. So why not? Why don't I at least try to feel that way about her? Why not.

My hands fly out towards her, gently pulling her back towards me. Head turning to face me, her brown eyes lined with tears. She gasps softly when I cup her face, leaning down to press my lips against hers. But she doesn't resist, melting into my arms, hands in my hair. Kay's beautiful. She's whole and she's pure goodness. And I think mother loves her more than even me. She could be perfect. _So why isn't she?_ I ignore the whisper at the back of my head as I pull her closer, wrapping one arm around her waist as she fists her hands into my shirt. 

"Ben," she moans against my mouth, words disappearing as I push my lips back against her's hungrily. Then they travel down her neck as my hands reach up under her tunic, tracing her soft skin. Shuddering against me, she gasps into my mouth when my fingers brush her breasts slightly. "Is this alright?" I ask quickly, pulling back to look at her properly. She nods hurriedly before she pulls me back closer, tugging my shirt off over my head. 

"Fuck, Ben," she murmurs before she presses her lips against my neck, hands in my hair. My breathing's already ragged and these trousers are getting increasingly more uncomfortable. Kay seems to notice that too as she looks down with a pleased grin, quickly unbuttoning them. I pull them off on my own as she throws off her uniform quickly. "Fuck," I shudder as she lies down on the bench, pulling me down with her. We were always efficient. Always right to the point. We haven't seemed to lost our touch.

" _Now_ , Ben," Kay growls, hands against my neck as she writhes under me. Driving into her, my fingers dig into my palms as she gasps out. "You feel so good in me," she gasps happily as she grips onto my back. We move together, and I almost lose my mind as I rock back and forth. I swell and twitch inside her. Fuck, I forgot how good actual sex is. I'm never going back to wanting in the shower again. She moans against my neck as I drive in deeper, a sound of pure pleasure. "Fuck, Kira," I shudder as I feel myself reaching my point. 

"What did you just say?" Eyes flashing open, I look down at Kay, brow arched. "You just called me Kira?" she scowls. I pause, arms straining on either side of her head. "What?" I say quickly. "No, I didn't, I said-"

"You said _Kira_ ," Kay breathes, shock painting her face. I don't say anything and we both stay there for a moment, fear, shock and confusion keeping us in place. "Get the fuck off me," Kay suddenly says, hitting my chest with her fists. Nodding, I instantly pull out, sitting up away from her. Head in my hands, I glance at Kay as she shivers, slowly sitting up. "Why?" she asks, bottom lip trembling. 

"I don't know," I admit honestly, throat bobbing. I honestly hadn't even realised I'd said it until I saw her horrified face. No fucking wonder. Who groans out the name of the monster waging war across the Galaxy as they're fucking someone? I look back towards her and we both just watch each other, the moment completely gone. Even though I was literally just inside her, Kay's looking at me like a complete stranger. Brows knitted, she buries her face in her hands, body quivering. 

"Kay," I start, moving to place a hand on her back, but she knocks me away. 

"I can't stop _waiting_ for you," she breathes, face wet with tears. I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. She looks at me, something like disgust painting her features, when someone yells. We both shout out as we see Poe in the threshold, covering his eyes like a fucking idiot. "What the hell are you doing?" he yells, turning his back on us so he can flail his arms around. "You're having sex on the Millennium fucking Falcon?" 

"Fuck off Poe," I growl as I watch Kay grab her clothes and shove them on, feeling frozen on this bench.

"This ship is a legend!" Poe continues. "You can't soil it with your fucking sex." Running a hand through her hair, Kay doesn't even look at me before she runs out, shoving up the middle finger at Poe. Sighing, he turns around, arms folded. "Caraya's soul, Ben!" he swears before he clasps his hands over his face against, stumbling past me and into the cockpit. "Put your cock away," he sighs before he vanishes.

Pulling my clothes back on, I collapse onto the floor, staring up at the ceiling as the ship hums to life. You've really fucked it now, Ben.


	9. Spies 31 and 82

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'll teach myself."

Finn

I watch as Rose and Luke have a staredown from opposite ends of the stone hut she took me too. They haven't spoken yet. Rose just shoved the door open, folded her arms and jutted her chin out at her master. And Luke just rolled his eyes, hands slouched in his robe pockets as he clenched his jaw. And they haven't moved. 

"Look," I sigh, starting to get creeped out by this speaking with no words. It reminds me of how Poe and Ben interact. Poe's brows knitted together, hands on his hips as he glares at Ben, who stands beside the Falcon, hair slightly frazzled and fingers blackened from ash. Ben blew up the Quadex power core by mistake, kept finding ash in his hair days later. Poe lectured him about how the Falcon is irreplaceable, a wonder of machinery. My heart pangs as I recall how Poe had caved in and eventually helped Ben fix it. Fuck. I can't think about them. Not right now.

"The Resistance needs you," I say, fingers tightening into fists. "General Organa needs you." A whisper of a smile crosses Luke's lips when I say that, a faraway look on his face. But then he shakes his head and anger spikes in my blood. "They've been tracking you for years," I emphasise, eyes wide as I plead. "My-my friend almost lost his life looking for a map for you," I tell him, shaking my head. "And it's not just the Resistance who need you now. Your family does too," I add, watching as Luke runs a tired and gnarled hand down his face. 

"You know Ben?" he asks as he looks up, tilting his head at me. I nod tightly. 

"He saved my life. More than once. Ben..." I trail off, biting my bottom lip. "The Galaxy needs you to come back. They're hoping, _praying_ , for the legendary Luke Skywalker to return. They all think you're going to save them!" I yell, lips curling slightly as I shake my head. "They told me you were a god," I almost laugh, hands in my hair as I watch the old man across from me. "They told me that you-that you saved Anakin Skywalker, defeated the Empire. You're the last Jedi," I breathe. "And you're just going to turn your back on them like this?"

"You don't think I'd go to them if I could?" he yells, anger contorting his face. But I don't think the anger's aimed at me. No, something else is happening here. I quickly glance at Rose, but she's just looking at Luke with something like pity on her face. "What does that mean?" I ask, dropping my arms to my side. He looks at me with his lips pressed together and a dark hint in his eyes, but he doesn't say anything else. 

Sighing, I pinch the bridge of my nose before I shrug. "Fine," I nod, running my tongue over my teeth. "Don't help them. But...I need you to help me." He turns to face me, brows arched before a knowing smile crosses his face. "You want a teacher." I nod, frowning when he laughs without humour. "Well, kid, you've come to the wrong island. I don't do that anymore."

"Why?" I demand, nostrils flaring. "Why did you stop teaching? You cut Ben's training short," I accuse, jaw clenched. "He had to fight Kira Ren barely able to hold a sabre. And that's on you." I point a finger at him as my chest rises and falls in rage. Luke's face flashes with emotion as I mention Ben fighting Kira Ren, but he turns his back to me before I can question him further.

"Not just teaching, kid," he says. "I don't deal with people like you at all anymore."

"People like me?" I question, brows knitted. Rose watches from the side with widened eyes, hugging her arms around herself like she's bracing for impact. 

"Hot headed, force-sensitive children who think it's their fate to be a goddamn Jedi!" Luke yells out, eyes wild. I let loose a huff, taking a step back before I nod slowly. "Alright," I concede. "Don't teach me. I don't need you. I saw those books. The Jedi texts. I'll teach myself."

Luke's mouth hangs open as he watches me carefully. "What?" is all he manages to say as I grab my bag from the ground, turning back the way Rose and I came. 

"You heard me. This whole island is like a safe haven for knowledge about the Jedi. If you won't teach me. I'll teach myself." I start off, gripping my bag as I leave the hut. "No you will not," Luke objects, grabbing onto me in an attempt to stop me. But this man must be incredibly weak because I barely even feel him on me.

"Yes I fucking will," I growl, storming off back down the hills. "You've made yourself very clear, Master Skywalker. I know where you stand. But there is no time for me to try and persuade you otherwise. The First Order keep coming back stronger each time and we don't understand why."

"You can't!" he protests. "Those are the books I used to train..." he trails off, letting me go as he shakes his head vigorously. "Those texts are not the way to teach the way of the Jedi," he says, looking up to meet my eyes. "There's a reason I stopped using them."

" _Why_?" I ask, letting down my guard a bit so he can see the genuine question in my face. But he doesn't reply, just waves his hand before he leans back against a boulder, breathing heavily as his hair hangs in his face. "Finn." I turn to see Rose behind me, placing a hand on my shoulder. "Let me show you to one of the spare huts." I nod slowly, teeth clenched. Clearly nothing's going to change today. I'll figure it out tomorrow. I have to. Everyone in the Galaxy is depending on me to.

So I let Rose lead me down the rolling hills, glancing behind me once. Luke's still against the rock, but his head is in his hands now, shoulders shaking with grief.

Kira

Dropping down from my ship, I land in a crouch, fingers dancing over my saber. Looking down, a smile breaks out across my face as I plunge my fingers into the sand. Letting the grains fall into my palms, I embrace the heat that bounces off of it as I cup it in my hands. I've always loved sand. Love the way it feels beneath your bare toes. But I'm not on this hellscape of a planet to play in the sand. Straightening up, my eyes fall on the decrepit building ahead of me. No, I came for that. 

Making my way across the barren landscape, I unseath my saber as I come close to the abandoned rebel base. Shifting my weight from one foot from the other, I push open the door with my shoulder, peeking my head in. Just an empty room, looks like it was some sort of communal mess hall. I walk in, light on my feet as I loosen my hold on my sabre. I shove it back into place, strapped against my back as I make my way through the hall. I just need to find the files. That's what the old spy had said. Abandoned files, long forgotten, from a back up base on Halm that the fraction of the Resistance had been forced to flee from.

I found the old man on Capra, drunk out of his face. Wasn't hard to push him. He gave up the location of the base after a couple of minutes. He thought it would save him. 

Walking through the base, my nose crinkles at the smell surrounding the place. Smells like death itself. Burying my face in the crook of my arm, I push forward, deeper into the base. It's not that big, so it doesn't take me long to find what looks like an archive room. It's full of old tech though, and most of it looks broken or dead anyway. Swearing under my breath, I brush the dust off one of the computers and bend down. Flicking it open, I scowl at the flickering lights. I've never been great with technology.

Pressing any of the buttons that look even vaguely familiar, I let out a loose sigh of relief when the computer starts to hum to life. Drumming my fingers on the desk, I slide down into the broken chair in front of the monitor, watching as it starts to light up. "Come on," I murmur. "Come on."

It flashes on with an erratic beeping and I panic, eyes wild as it won't stop. Hissing, I bring my fists down on top of it, heart stilling when the beeping stops suddenly and the monitor flashes up with a welcome message. Crink, I can't believe that worked. And I can't believe they didn't sign out of their computers before they fled. 

But as I sift through the files I realise that everything recorded is old, or public knowledge. They deleted all their plans. All the important files. Growling, I keep searching, determined to find something. Anything. I scan the sheets of data, but there's no mention of the raid on Ladarra. No mention of Snoke. No mention of a mysterious cloaked person.

After a couple of hours, my stomach starts to clench. What if this really is a dead end? Head in my hands, I dig my fingers into my hair. Fuck. What am I going to do? Any mention of my past seems to have been deleted. The person I was before Kira Ren, gone. Eliminated. 

_Oh_. Oh, fuck.

Sitting up straight, I look up at the screen, clicking on the search feature. My fingers tremble slightly as I type. R. E. Y. My heart thuds as the screen starts searching the enormous amount of data in the archives. Biting my bottom lip, my heart starts to sink as it keeps going round and round in circles. But then a single file pops up. Gasping, I reach forward and open it. Jaw hanging open slightly as a report flashes on the screen.

_Spies 31 [alias Garm Arrar] and 82 [alias Alana Arrar] have been compromised. We now understand that they are double agents, working for the First Order. An attack is staged for the second month of the year 20 ABY on Ladarra. 31 and 82 must be terminated during the attack. Not just because they know of the 'Sunrise' plans but because of new information revealed by Spymaster Artemis Cody. 31 is a descendant from Palpatine, alias Darth Sidious. Their child [named only Rey] must also be terminated. The bloodline of Sidious cannot be allowed to continue._

_Report on attack pending._

My hands shoot up to my mouth as I feel bile rise up my throat. This can't be real. This-it doesn't make any sense. My parents...they were spies? They worked for the First Order. They were...descendants of Darth Sidious. Which means I'm-it can't be. Snoke told me they just found me randomly. But, it was all premeditated. 

Breath shaky, I rise up from the chair, taking a step back from the screen. Whimpering, I keep walking back, mind feeling like it's imploding. Then I feel something sharp stick into my back. "Don't fucking move."


	10. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Oops?"

Ben

I lift my head up from the table when Poe slams down two trays of food, sliding mine over to me before he sits down opposite me. Frowning down at the nerfburger, I lean back into the booth with a sigh. "What are we doing here, Dameron?"

Poe looks up, taking big bites of his own burger as he looks around the crappy Flanght-2-Go he's dragged me too. We've ended up in Taris, still hunting for the droid, but it's looking to be a dead end. We were about to leave when Poe heard that his favourite fast-food chain had a restaurant in Upper-City. He didn't ask me if I wanted to go, just started strolling off. I know I'm not annoyed at Poe. I'm annoyed at myself, for letting Kay think we're something we're not. And I'm annoyed that I can't scrape Kira Ren out of my mind. It's drowning. The flashes of her eyes. The way I hear her voice without even hearing it.

"I was hungry," is all Poe says, brows furrowed as he shoves a handful of hubba chips into his stupid fucking mouth. "Have you forgotten that we are on a mission?" I hiss as I lean in closer to him. I get even more pissed off when he just rolls his eyes, picking the pepper off of his burger.

"No, Solo," he smirks. "I have not forgotten. But my stomach was distracting me from the mission. Hence," he looks down at his food with a satisfied smile on his face. "Also the waitress told me to pick her up in a couple of hours," he adds, glancing over his shoulder at a pretty girl with brown hair scraped up into a bun. 

_Parted lips painted red. Hair falling in waves to sharp collarbones. Rain and Lavender. Short, dark lashes, paired with burning dark eyes._

"What about Finn?" I ask when he turns back to me, forcing my mind to shut the fuck up.

"I'm not actually going to go see her," Poe sighs. "Was just nice to forget about him for a second."

"What does that mean?" I question, voice coming out a bit more harsh that I mean it to. Poe looks up at me with slightly hurt eyes before he shrugs, picking at the seeds on his burger. "I mean we haven't heard from him in a couple of days, and he promised he would..." he trails off as he shakes his head. "Look, I...I really like Finn. But I can't keep this up," he points to his head. "It hurts too much to worry all the time."

"Poe," I say softly, leaning on my arms as I tilt my head at him. "That worrying, that's not _really like_. And Finn wouldn't want you to worry about him. You don't need to be so goddamn condescending all the time, Poe," I say as I imitate Finn. "I can hold my own, asshole. Just because you can fly fast like any other teenage kid doesn't mean I can't-"

"Yeah, yeah, I get the picture," Poe groans, but there's a smile on his face again. "So, what about Kay?" he asks, innocence painting his face as he shoves more chips down his face. Groaning, I bury my head in my hands. "I fucked up, man."

"Can't be as bad as the time you forgot her fourteenth birthday," he shrugs but his face falls when he sees the guilt on my own face. "Oh shit, Solo. What did you do?" He nods as I explain the whole thing to him, skipping over some of the more intimate details that don't seem relevant to the story. "Who's name did you say?" he asks when I finish. And I also don't tell him I moaned Kira's name.

"Some girl I met on the road, she was no-one, it was just-I've made everything super awkward," I sigh, hands in my hair. 

"Yeah, buddy," Poe nods sympathetically. "You've royally fucked it this time." He opens his mouth to say more when his eyes go wide and he suddenly jumps up from his seat. "Poe?" I ask, brows knitting together when he grabs his blaster, aiming it at a male Torguta who's sprinting towards the exit in panic. "Come on!" Poe yells at me as he sprints after the man. I chase after them, fingers twitching as I clutch my own blaster. The people in the restaurant gasp in fear and surprise as we run past them, the door flying open violently. 

"What the fuck, Poe?" I hiss as we run, feet hitting the pavement as we weave our way through the busy streets. "Who is this guy?"

"There's no time to explain," he says back, eyes latching onto me as we come to a set of stairs, winding down deeper into the inner parts of the city. "But we need him. Trust me, Ben." And his face is so determined, so General Poe, that I can't do anything but nod. Can't do anything but trust him. "Where the fuck did he go?" Poe swears as we wildly search for him over the top of the crowds.

"That way," I point as I notice the man running through a narrow side lane. With laboured breaths, me and Poe chase him throughout the city, scowling as we watch him push over a woman about to get on a speeder, pulling himself onto it. "Fuck," Poe growls, eyes narrowed as he keeps chasing after him. I try to call after him, to explain that there's no way we'll be able to chase after him on that thing, but Poe doesn't listen, just keeps pushing forward.

"Crink," I swear under my breath as I stay rooted to the spot, jaw clenched. He must be trying to get out of the city. For some reason he's clearly a wanted man. And I doubt he'll be wanting to stick around for Poe and me to catch him.

Fuck, I wish I knew about these fucking problems before they blow up in my face. Which they always do. Especially if I'm with Poe Dameron. Wildly searching the air full of ships, I grit my teeth when my eyes latch onto the Torguta on the speeder. Alright, I tell myself as I run to where I know the entrance to Middle City is. Same place me and Poe came in with the Falcon. "Fuck, fuck, fuck," I groan as I pick up speed, feet burning against my shoes. Please let him be a fucking idiot, I beg to any Gods that'll listen as I get closer to the edge of the platform. Please.

My heart sinks in my chest as I jump off. I fly through the air, gravity working perfectly as it drags me down. I resist the urge to throw up before I notice the Torguta below me. But he doesn't see me until I've landed on his speeder. "What the-" he swears as I cling on. I'm balancing precariously on the front, grabbing onto the ridges in the metal. I don't look down.

"Hello, I don't think we've had the pleasure of meeting yet. I'm Ben-" I duck when he pulls out a blaster, aiming it at my head. Rolling my eyes, I rip it out of his hands with the Force, and we both watch as it topples through the air. Okay, I've looked down now.

"Oops?" I shrug when he looks up at me again, before I swing for him. He dodges, purposefully steering the speeder erratically in an attempt to lose me as we catapult towards Middle City. I manage to get to the back: smashing my foot into his chest as I vault over his head, landing behind him. We both struggle and he spits out blood as I land a successful upper cut. He snarls and goes out for my neck but I swerve to the side, grabbing the top of his head before I smash it down into the speeder. 

I cry out in anguish when I realise I just smashed his face into the steering mechanism. And now we're hurtling towards Middle City with no way to steer this fucking speeder. "Oh no."

Kira Ren

"Weapons on the floor. Now." I nod slowly, jaw clenched as the person digs in harder. I feel the blade pressed against my back nick my skin. Nodding slowly, I hold my hands up to show them I mean no harm before I gingerly reach for the saber across my back and the blaster at my hips. I listen to their heavy breathing as I bend down, ready to place my weapons on the floor. Time moves impossibly slowly as I wait for that split second. And then it comes, with the blade against my skin pulling back slightly. Lips curling, I grab onto the opportunity, sweeping my legs out and bringing my attacker down in one move.

Saber lighting, I swing, the light crackling as I aim it at their throat. Eyes narrowing, I take them in. It's a boy, about thirteen. Looks like a scavenger of some sorts. He's wearing worn out clothes, a light scarf wrapped around the bottom of his face and a mask covering the top half. My eyes shoot to the cotton sac beside him, full of scrap metal. Definitely a scavenger.

"I'm sorry," he whimpers, body trembling with fear as he takes in the hissing saber. "I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry. Please don't kill me." 

"You know who I am." It isn't really a question, but the boy nods tightly anyway, throat bobbing in fear. 

"Please don't kill me," he begs, his mask slipping from his face. His eyes are so green. "I was just looking for junk to sell...please, I mean no harm." Swallowing, I look away from the boy, eyes flickering to the monitor. The report is still there. Glaring at me. I don't even realise I'm holding my blaster with my other hand until the computer sparks, bullet hole sending the glass screen cracking. The name Palpatine still blinks up at me through the cracks. My blood boils over before I shoot again, suppressing a scream. I keep shooting until the computer is a mess of wires, glass and metal. _Liars_. They're all liars. I've been living this life, that's never really been mine. I've been silently prepared for something my whole life. And I don't even know what yet. Is Snoke just using me for my bloodline? My fingers tighten around the hilt of my saber as rage spirals through me.

"Please, Miss, I don't want any-" I bring down my saber with a snarl.

I watch as the boy's head rolls from his body, his face a cast of terror. Gasping out, the saber drops from my fingers and I fall to the ground, reaching out for the child. My fingers are slick with his blood as tears roll down my face. What is happening to me? Shuffling away from the corpse, I lean against a bookshelf, silently sobbing into my arms, hands in my hair as I shake. 

I stay there for a couple of minutes, letting myself break as the boy's blood continues to pool down the hall. Then I lean my head on my arms, eyes darting across the room before they land on a small metal bucket. 

Wiping the sweat from my forehead with the back of my hands, I let the boy's legs drop to the sandy ground. Sighing, I crouch down onto my knees, bucket in my hands. Looking out across the barren landscape of pure nothingness, I get to work. The sun is setting as I finish, and I look down at the grave I've dug. My own blood from my cracked fingers mixes with the dried blood from the boy. My breathing is ragged as I drag his body into the hole, dropping his head in beside it. "I-" Cutting myself off, I dig my fingers into my hair, tears lining my eyes as I stare down at the dead boy. "Goodnight."

It doesn't take as long to fill it back up again. Marking it with a hefty rock, I sit down beside the grave for a couple of minutes. He didn't need to die. He just spoke at the wrong moment, setting off my wrath. Can't keep doing this. There must be...there has to be a better way to do this. My stomach clenches as I think of Snoke. This is all his doing. The uncertainty across the Galaxy. Him and the Resistance. They're both as bad as each other. 

Standing up, I brush myself down, sand falling from my legs. I'm a Palpatine. At least, at least I know now. And at least now I know it wasn't just luck. I belong here. I've always had a part to play in this. Now my bloodline just confirms that. Clambering back into my ship, I let loose a breath as I leave the sandy planet. 

I got what I wanted. I got the truth.

Now I just need to use it to my advantage.


	11. Their Voice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I have never claimed that name."

Ben

As we hurtle towards the city, the guy doesn't stop fucking swinging for me. I quickly try and duck, but I end up slipping, foot sliding down the speeder. "Fuck," I hiss as I cling on with my fingers, eyes widening as I watch Middle City get closer and closer by the second. Heart thumping erratically against my chest, he reaches for me again, throat tightening against his fingers. I gasp out, eyes fluttering shut as I try and pry him off of me. Why the fuck is he trying to kill me when we're both going to die anyway. 

I try and dull the roaring panic in my body as I realise that we have about twenty seconds left to live. Ignoring the fire in my throat as the man presses harder, I let my arms fall with the wind, fingers stretching out to one of the buildings we fall past. Eyes focusing on a balcony, I wait, each second feeling like an eternity. Then my fingers twitch, and I push off of the doomed speeder, legs screaming as I Force Jump up to the balcony. I grab onto the man's collar, dragging him with me. We slow down before we reach the balcony, and I start panicking, because I've not force jumped in ages, and I've never done it holding someone. But we land fairly safely, smashing through the glass railing. 

The man groans as he rolls onto his back, and I notice as he reaches out for a shard of broken glass. Before he can stab it in my face, I'm on top of him, knee digging into his throat as I hold him down. "Solo," he croaks out, purple eyes narrowing. 

"Who the fuck are you?" I hiss, hair falling in my face as I hold his arms. He doesn't say anything, just smirks slowly before he lets his head drop to the floor. Panting heavily, I crinkle my nose as I realise I must've cut myself when we crashed, blood clinging to my jaw. What the fuck do I do now? I don't even know who this guy is. But I don't have to figure that out just yer, because the Falcon's suddenly hovering beside us, Poe grinning widely as he leaps onto the balcony. 

"Fuck mate, that was beautiful." Sighing, I push up off of the man, hauling him to his feet. He doesn't fight against me, just lets himself be shoved onto our ship. 

"Shut up, Poe," I roll my eyes as we clamber back on the ship. I fall down against the wall, legs shaking slightly as I feel solid ground beneath me. 

"No, seriously," he says, "I get why you get laid so much now. That was the most attractive thing you've ever done. The way you fucking flew through the air? Damn."

"I didn't fly," I sigh, raking my fingers through my hair. "It's called a Force Jump. Also I barely even get laid," I meekly object. The only answer I get to that is Poe raising his eyebrows. "Are you finally going to tell me who the fuck that is?" I ask, pointing aggressively to the Torguta sitting opposite me, head in his hands. 

"This is Dakis Kassosh," Poe smirks, bending down beside him. "And he's the bastard who's in charge of our droids." Dakis' face bleaches of colour as his eyes shoot up to meet Poe's dark ones. " _Was_ in charge."

"Poe, I didn't mean to lose the droid, I'm sorry, okay? I just had to-"

"He sold our droids to the First Order for protection," Poe tells me before he looks back down to Dakis, folding his arms. 

"They didn't even give me it," he objects, looking up at me. "As soon as I gave them the droids they started shooting."

"Serves you right," is all I say, leaning against the wall as I let Poe handle this. Dakis watches me carefully for another moment before he must decide that I won't be of much help to him. He turns back to Poe with wide eyes.

"You've got to believe me. I'd never-"

"Just tell me where the fucking droid is, Dakis," Poe says, voice bored. Dakis gulps, shaking his head. Watching the man, I start to realise that he's never going to tell us where the droid is. And it's not like Poe's going to fucking torture him. Jaw clenched, I remember how it felt with Kira, how I reached out with the Force, grabbing her mind in my fist. I'm doing it to Dakis before I even realise, eyes twitching shut as I swim through his thoughts. And there it is, loud and clear. 

"It's on Vardos," I say as Poe snarls at Dakis. Both of them turn to face me, Dakis' eyes wide and painted in terror.

"How did you..." he trails off, shuddering as his head drops. Poe doesn't say anything, but his throat bobs as he eyes me carefully. I frown at him, shrugging as if to ask what the harm in doing it was. It wasn't like he was going to willingly give up the location. "That's a violation." Dakis snarls, face a cast of anger.

"Would you rather we beat the answers out of you?" I ask, running my tongue across my teeth as my hands squeeze into fists in my pockets. Dakis quickly jumps to his feet, pointing an accusing blue finger at me. "You are no better than that whore in her mask if you-"

I don't even realise I've moved until my fist connects with Dakis' jaw, watching as he falls to the ground. He spits out blood, looking up at me with disgust and horror. "You bring shame to the Skywalker name," he snarls.

"You betrayed the Resistance," I snipe back, lips curled. "And I have never claimed that name."

Dakis opens his mouth to no doubt spout more shit, but Poe knocks him out with one punch. Silence coats the room for a moment, neither of us moving as we watch Dakis on the floor. Straightening himself up, Poe tilts his head at me. "Help me move him," he mutters, and we both drag him further in the ship, cuffing him to the games table. "Do you think Finn'll be able to fly when he comes back?" Poe asks when we enter the cockpit. A wave of relief washes over me when he doesn't ask me about rifling through Dakis' mind. I knew it wasn't an issue. He had information. We needed it. 

I can't help but laugh, shaking my head as I lightly shoulder him. "Let's get out of here, Dameron."

Finn

I wish I could paint, because the sun rising across the sea is something that deserves to be painted with a heartbreaking tenderness. I watch the light pinks and oranges streak the sky, mouth slightly parted. I've never seen a sunrise before. I can't believe I've gone my whole life never seeing this. Leaning forward, head in my hands, I sigh. There's so much beauty I missed out on. So much beauty all the other troopers are still missing. 

I bristle when Luke sits down beside me, legs crossed as he watches the sky too. "What happened to the temple?" I ask without looking at him. I went looking a couple of hours ago, but there was nothing but ash. I stood there for what must've been hours, swearing as I raked through the burnt trees. But I can't tell if it was Luke who did it. I mean there's no one else here. Apart from Rose, but when she found me, surrounded by the rubble of the temple, she fell to her knees and sobbed. So it's a safe bet it's not her. She actually thought it was me, tried to strangle me through her tears.

"It burned down." He doesn't elaborate but before I can push him further, he speaks again. "Your jacket." Blinking, I pick at my sleeves, frowning down at the black suede jacket. "Where'd you get it?"

"I don't know," I admit. "Ben gave me it before I went. Said it would keep me warm or something." I wanted to take Poe's, but he'd almost thrown a fit when he'd seen it tucked into my bag. He ended up giving me his old training shirt to sleep in instead, chucking it at my head a couple of nights before I left. I wonder if now, he'd have let me taken it if I'd asked again. All things considered.

"It was Han's," Luke murmurs before he looks back out to the sea. "Years ago."

"He was a good man," I say, throat bobbing as I remember the man who helped us on Starkiller. I'd been so angry at myself for missing his funeral. For being unconscious while my family mourned him. "You watched him die," Luke says knowingly. I just nod, biting my bottom lip. Shuddering, the image of Han leaping out in front of Ben is too much to bare. "He did it for Ben," I tell him. "Kira Ren, she-"

"I know," he says solemnly, patting my shoulder to let me know it's alright. "I felt it. In the Force. It was-I've never felt anything like that. I didn't just feel his loss, you see," he says, eyes watering. "I felt Leia's grief. It was controlled, of course. Logical. But it was there, just muted. But Ben..." he trails off, words disappearing on the early wind. "I felt his anger like a punch. His anger and betrayal. It was like an endless siren for a couple of days, blasting through my soul."

"Betrayal?" I ask, brows knitted. Why would Ben feel betrayal when his father died? Luke shrugs, but his eyes are tight. He knows what it meant. Somehow. 

"Han thought you were dead," I say through gritted teeth. "Thought there was no way you'd just abandon your family like that." Luke doesn't reply, but tears line his eyes as his head falls back a bit, staring up to the sky. "Ben told him he was wrong. That he could feel you. In the Force."

"I feel him too," Luke nods grimly. There is definitely something going on that he's not telling me here.

"Is Ben okay?" I ask with a concerned frown. Luke's eyes flick towards mine, surprise crossing them.

"I don't know," he answers honestly. He smiles sadly as I stand up, making my way back towards the crappy rock hut where all my stuff is. "You cannot help him now."

"I can at least try," I protest, spinning around to glare at the old man. "I need to try and help him. He's my brother."

"He does not even know he is struggling," Luke starts, standing beside me, hand on my arm. "It only concerns him and..." he trails off, shaking his head. "And he has clearly not told you. So he clearly does not want your help." I blink at that, but before I can object further Luke's already speaking again. "Why do you want me to teach you?" he asks, eyes narrowed as he looks up at me, orange sky casting shadows across his face.

"I-what?" 

"Why do you want to learn the ways of the Jedi?" he asks, hands clasped together. 

"I was a stormtrooper," I blurt out, scratching the back of my neck. That's the first thing that comes to mind. "I was...we were all brainwashed to hate the Jedi. To hate the Resistance and the Republic. I managed to get out, with the help of your nephew. But there are still thousands of innocent people who are fighting for the wrong side. And they don't even realise it yet. In this war, no one's on their side. No one understands them. They need a voice."

"And you want to be that voice," he muses, wrinkles crinkling as he smiles.

I shake my head, shoving my hands into my trouser pockets. "I want to go somewhere where none of this matters. I want to take Ben and Poe and just run somewhere far far away. But I can't. Not when so many people need this. It's not that I want to, it's that I have to. If I have this power, and I don't use it to help, then what am I?"

Luke doesn't respond for what seems like an eternity, just watches me with his tired and weary eyes before he finally nods. "We start tomorrow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kudos and comments really keep me motivated to write :)


	12. Something Tragic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I can't see anything."

Kira Ren

I land down on Hays Minor, swearing at the broken compressor hissing in my ship. Storming outside, I shoulder my cloak, wrapping it around myself to hide from the icy winds of the ice planet. I'm pretty sure I've landed at the Sebris Alpha complex, where the weapons are tested, but I'm not sure. I can barely see, protecting my eyes with my arm as snow slams into me.

As I get closer to the compound, lights like a beacon through the thick snow, voices start to shout at me. "Stop!" The voices ring out around me as I keep walking, shortly joined by the sound of blasters being cocked. Shuddering against the cold, I bring out my saber, the red crackling light melting the falling snow around me. The voices instantly stop, and I'm met with still air as I clutch my sabre with both hands, lips going blue.

"It's Commander Ren!" I hear before two soldiers sprint towards me. I carry on, feet shivering in my boots. Crink, I forgot how fucking cold it is here. "Master Ren," one of the troopers say when they reach me, arms outstretched to help. I bat them away and trudge on, teeth clattering. When we finally reach the complex, someone tugs off my cape, wet from the snow and wraps a somehow warm woollen blanket around my shoulders. I watch, squinting as I take in the artificial light. I'm in a hangar, standing in the middle as troopers mill around me, fuelling up ships and organising weapons. There must be some sort of raid planned. 

Before I have the chance to enquire more, a man I vaguely recognise starts striding towards me, arms clasped behind his back. "Commader Ren," he nods. He's fairly old, hair grey and slicked back. His face is tight and lean, almost gaunt. I don't reply, just tip my head up at him as I try and not look too pathetic, standing dripping wet as I shudder in my blanket. "General Vilrein," he continues, gesturing to himself. He looks pretty pissed I don't remember him. I don't know why everyone thinks I would bother remembering all these old men's names. They're all pretty much the same person anyway. One could safely assume they're clones.

"To what do we owe the pleasure?" Vilrien asks, eyes narrowing slightly. 

"I was on a mission," I tell him, lips tight. "My ship's compressor broke. I had to land here." He nods before he glances down at the puddle that's started forming where I stand. 

"I'll see if I can get that fixed for you," he says, smiling lightly before he gestures with his head for me to follow him. "Now, let's see if we can get you in a hot bath." 

The bath ends up being so hot it's almost impossible to lower myself into it. I hiss when my toes touch the surface, arms buckling as I slowly slide in. Leaning my head back, I let the warmth swallow me whole, body relaxing against the metal bath. I flick my fingers in the water, humming before I dip my head down under, raking my hands through my damp hair. When I come back up, I gasp, heart squeezing as I meet Ben's eyes. 

"What happened to warning each other?" I hiss at him, annoyance shooting through my veins before I see the red colour work it's way up his neck.

"I never agreed to that," he says, voice low as his eyes stay trained on mine. Blinking down at myself in the bath, long legs sparkling in the crystal clear water, a simpering smirk dances its way up onto my lips. "Like what you see?" I ask, clicking my tongue as his eyes widen. He doesn't reply as I cross my legs, toes wriggling in his direction. 

"I can't see anything," he finally says, shrugging as his throat bobs. Liar. My eyes flash wildly as I bite my bottom lip, leaning my head against the rim of the tub. 

"Why don't you come closer then?" I ask innocently, raising one leg up and throwing it over the tub. 

"I-" he starts, stumbling over his words. Rolling my eyes, I let loose a laugh watching as his face falls. 

"You're so boring, Ben Solo," I purr, summoning the bathrobe left out for me at the side to my hands. As I rise up out of the bath, he spins around, fingers twitching into fists. I watch him for a moment, cocking my head with interest before I slip into the robe. So he isn't interested in those kind of games. Interesting. Loyal to his blonde lover. Perching on the edge of the tub, I clear my throat signalling that it's safe for him to look. He turns back gingerly, surprised to find me actually clothed. 

"So?" I ask, arching an eyebrow as he leans against the wall, arms folded. He looks rugged today. A sudden contrast to the combed Ben I've been used to these past weeks. His hair's unruly, finally free of those forsaken Alderaan plaits he always had it in. His face is streaked with blood, explained by the cut on the side of his cheek. "Did you want something?" 

"I was bored," he shrugs, grinning at me. "Thought you could entertain me."

"I tried," I object, looking pointedly at the still full bath. He just rolls his eyes before he sighs, fiddling with the hem of his collar. "That's deep," I try, pointing to the cut on his cheek. He lightly prods it, wincing when he pulls his finger back. "How'd it happen?" I ask, curious.

"Why would I tell you?" he replies with a smirk, but his eyes are slightly dark. The truth of his words cut me deeper than they should. "Opposing sides, right?" I snort, nodding in surrender before there's a knock on the bathroom door. Both of us glance towards it before we look back at each other. "Duty calls, right?" he laughs, but there's little humour in it. Before I can tell them to leave, before I can press Ben about the gash on his face, he's gone. Growling, I open the door, grabbing my clothes from the woman who stands in my threshold. She opens her mouth to speak, but I just slam the door in her face. 

Next time he disappear like that, I'll track him down and slit him open.

Ben

"Are we going to talk about it?" Poe asks as Vardos starts to slowly appear, the violet planet almost glowing against the dark expanse of space.

"Talk about what?" I ask, glancing over at him as we speed up slightly, the Falcon whirring as we enter the planet's orbit.

"The way you..." he trails off as he tries to find the words, cringing slightly. "Took control of his mind?"

"I didn't take control of his mind," I protest. "I would-I would never do that." Poe nods tentatively, and an awkward silence erupts as we sit in the cockpit uncomfortably. "Do you have any idea of where the droid might be?" I ask, an attempt to diffuse the heightened emotion in the room right now. He shrugs, pushing his tongue into his cheek as we continue lowering through the clouds, mountains appearing below us. "He sold it to the First Order, so probably in their base. The city was destroyed last year, but I think they're rebuilding it."

After a couple of minutes of more strange silence, I push myself up out of my seat, and tell Poe that I'm going to go check on Dakis. He just nods, keeps his eyes forward as his fists tighten around the steering. Sighing, I walk past Dakis, who's still knocked out, head leaning against the table he's locked onto. Pausing slightly, my eyes drop down to his cuffed hands. I would never purposefully take someone's mind like Kira does. I couldn't ever do that. But you could, a slithery voice whispers in my head. It isn't Kira speaking to me. No, it's something else. Shaking m head, I continue towards my old bedroom, leaning against the threshold. I wouldn't. I know I wouldn't. I might not be a perfect person, or always do the right thing. But I'd never do that. 

Shivering as I stand in my old room, loneliness suddenly overcomes me like a suffocating wave. Almost on instinct, I reach out, and there she is. In a bathtub. Breathing hitching slightly, I watch as she falls into the water, long fingers dancing up and down her neck before she resurfaces, a beautiful grin spread over her lips. Holy fuck. I never imagined that she would have so much...skin. Such tanned, smooth skin. And her wet hair sticks to her neck, finger flopping. She just looks so...normal. Like a normal beautiful girl. I'd probably find myself falling for her if she wasn't evil incarnate. But how can someone so cruel have such deep eyes, that seem to change colour every time I see them. 

"What happened to warning each other?" Mouth parting slightly in confusion and surprise when she speaks to me, I can't seem to get any words out. She's sitting up now, back straighter and if I looked down even a tiny bit, I know what I'd be able to see. "I never agreed to that," I manage to get out, keeping my eyes firmly on hers.

Pressing her lips together, she narrows her eyes before she must remember she's sitting completely naked, right before me. A cruel grin dances on her lips as she splashes the water, laughing as she tilts her head up at me, wet hair shinning. 

"Like what you see?" Fuck. I didn't expect her to say that. What is she doing? What am I doing? I should go. She's a commander in the First Order, and I'm a colonel in the Resistance. She's a weapon, held in Snoke's tight fingers. My body stiffens as she crosses her long legs. They're the colour of honey. 

"I can't see anything," I lie, struggling to breathe. Her eyes darken as she laughs at me, not helping the shade of bright red I know my face is turning. 

"Why don't you come closer then?" she breathes, voice heavy and smooth. Holy fuck, I keep my eyes up, because I can't get a fucking boner in front of Kira Ren. She's the pinnacle of all things dark. She's the new Sith. She killed my father. I hate her. And I have Kay to think about. I already accidentally thought of Kira before. I can't do that again. I don't want to do that again.

I start mumbling as she throws one bare leg over the edge of the tub. She's so strong, I suddenly realise as my eyes dip. Carved from pure muscle and power. They say my grandfather was the most powerful Force wielder of all time. I wonder if Kira Ren wants it to be her. She rolls those dark eyes as I stumble over my words. "You're so boring, Ben Solo." I hate it when she says my name like that. Hate the way it sounds like it was made for her mouth. Hate the way it sends a shiver down my spine.

She summons a robe to her outstretched hand, and I turn as I hear her rise out of the bath. I can feel my heart thudding erratically and I scowl at myself. Get it the fuck together. "So?" I turn when she speaks. "Did you want something?"

"I was bored," I grin down at her as she stands against the tub. She seems annoyed now. How does she switch so fast like that? One second she's flirting and the next she's mad at me. I must've not meant anything. She must've been testing me somehow. "I thought you could entertain me."

"I tried," she says and both of our eyes drop to the bath. She's trying to play it off casually, but I can hear the anger in her voice. "That's deep," she says when she turns back to me, eyes glancing up at the cut on my cheek. Nodding, I prod it. I regret it instantly, as a sharp firework of pain erupts across my face. "How'd it happen?"

"Why would I tell you?" I ask. "Opposing sides, right?" I'm trying to test the waters. It doesn't have to be opposing, I try and silently beg. You don't have to do this. But she just laughs, dismissing it before a knock comes at her door. Her eyes flick to it and then back to mine. Her eyes widen at mine, but I don't understand what she's thinking. "Duty calls, right?" I ask, trying my best to laugh. Then I let go of the thread that ties us together, and she disappears from my room. 

Pinching the bridge of my nose, I lean against the wall. Before I can dwell on what happened, on why my throat is so tight, Poe sticks his head in the door, telling me we've landed. "What do we do with him?" I ask as we pass Dakis, still asleep on the floor. Poe shrugs, kicking Dakis' foot before the Falcon's boarding ramp grinds open. 

"We'll figure it out after we get this droid," he says as we both take in the cityscape before us. The violet sky makes the far away city seem even more ominous, and a feeling of dread unfurls in my stomach as I follow after Poe. As we get closer and closer, larger pieces of Debris start to appear beside the gravel road we walk along. 

Kestro, the capital city, is completely demolished, just like Poe said. As we sneak into the city limits, blasters at our sides, we count three stormtroopers groups. "They must be on a rotation," I mutter, Poe answering with just a nod. "They must keep their drones in there," he says, pointing to the towering base in the centre of the city. The tower was clearly taller before, but it's still fairly together, lights shinning from inside. 

"We should split up," Poe murmurs as we continue further into the city, sneaking down backlanes rather than take the main roads. I shake my head.

"Something feels wrong," I tell him, fingers dancing over my blaster. I can't explain why, but something in the pit of my stomach is telling me something's off. We duck down behind what looks like it might've been a toy store as a group of troopers march past us, armour clattering. "We'll cover more ground if we split up."

"And if something goes wrong?" I ask, frowning as Poe keeps pushing forward, darting across an empty room. 

"We'll figure it out," he argues, eyes narrowed as he looks up at me. "We always figure it out. Ben, we don't have time to argue about this. You take the even floors, I'll take the odd." Before I can even object, Poe's running towards the tower, blaster drawn to his chest. Groaning, I rake a hand through my hair, before I follow his lead. We split off when we reach the tower, Poe going in through the left as I take the right. 

I get in easily, no troopers even stationed at the door. Slipping in through a metal grate, I jump up, taking in my surroundings. As I tentatively walk through corridor after corridor, I lower my blaster. Looks like it's completely abandoned. Pausing on my second floor, I glance out a window, checking the outside perimeter. I swear colourfully when I see the three groups of troopers marching towards the tower, ducking down. They must be walking past, I tell myself, but as they get closer, and another group of troopers join them, it doesn't look like they're just walking past. But how could they know me and Poe are here?

Alarms ringing in my head, I try and figure out how I'm going to find Poe, cursing myself for listening to the imbecile. But before I can work out a plan, I hear Kira's voice in my head. "Get down," she hisses, voice contorted in my head. 

"What?" I start, brows knitting together. 

"Get down!" she yells as I look back out the window, eyes widening as I see a fleet of TIE fighters flying directly for the tower. I drop to my stomach, wincing as the wind is knocked from me. But a second after I hit the floor, blasts shoot through the walls, fire erupting as they shoot at me. I crawl through the corridor. I need to find Poe. And we need to get out of here. When I reach the end of the corridor, I stand up on two shaky legs, glancing out another window. 

My eyes widen as I watch Kira's freighter appear over the horizon. "What the brix are you doing?" I hiss out loud, gripping my blaster to my chest as the TIEs continue firing.

"Saving your ass, Solo." The same moment her laugh rings around in my mind, she starts shooting at the TIEs, three crashing to the ground in flames. "Now get the fuck out of there."


	13. Master of Section Nine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You are a dyad in the Force, Rey."

Finn

So I'm not great at using the Force. I mean, I didn't expect to be like Ben. But it's been a couple days and nothing has changed. I don't feel different at all. I can't feel the Force, or listen to it, like Ben always says he can. I'm completely Force inept. Rose knows it. Luke knows it. And it's crushing me.

I was meant to bring Luke back. I fucked that. And now I can't even bring back myself as a trained Jedi. Can't even go back able to hold a godforsaken lightsaber.

Leaning back against the wall of my hut, I shovel the gruel Luke makes every morning and night into my mouth. I might be completely useless with the Force, but being here completely alone, with only a cyborg and an old man for company, means that I've had a lot of time to think. To think about this whole war. There must be a better way to do this. I need to figure out a way where no one gets hurt. Not my family. New or old. Because as much as I resent Snoke for essentially kidnapping me and bringing me up to be used as a mere weapon, I did consider my old squadron my family.

FN-1971 is the first trooper I can remember actually speaking to. He'd sneak in comics and we'd read them together under my duvet, him clutching a flashlight and me flicking the pages. He always wanted us to give each other nicknames. Wanted me to call him Kade, after the comics we'd read together. I never did. Was too dangerous, I'd tell him. He was my first kiss. We were both about to turn sixteen, and he tugged me into a bathroom stall one day between training and quickly pushed his lips against mine. I didn't kissed him back. I just froze, scared of both my confused emotions and at the idea of being caught. We were all separated when the next day into our new permanent squadrons. I never saw him again. He had beautiful green eyes that I still see in my dreams sometimes. And these dustings of freckles across his nose. I don't even know if he's still alive.

Then in my new squadron there was FN-2199, FN-2000 and FN-2003. They all gave each other nicknames as time went on. Nines. Zeroes. Slip. I never got one. Never wanted one, really. Was always too scared one of them would call me it in front of Phasma and I'd be sent to reprogramming. Zeroes was the oldest. She was in her forties, and she was stern and strict. I spent most of my life terrified of her. Nines was alright, but he had an infamous temper that I thankfully never got on the wrong side of.

I got along fine with my squadron, but it was always pretty rocky. And it only got worse, after that simulated training session. We had to blow up this bunker, and Slip fell. And I went back for him. Phasma told me I was weak. Would break the rest of us. I told her I'd stop. I didn't.

Slip was my only real friend in the Order. It took a while for me to trust him, after FN-1971. But Slip was relentless. Wouldn't leave me alone. Would constantly talk at me about dinner, or how he saw the Master of Ren in the corridor, until I caved and started speaking back. Slip actually always said he thought she was a woman. He used to swear that he'd seen her in her office once, napping at her desk, lightsaber right beside her head. He said she was beautiful. No one believed him. He shut up about it after a while. 

Ben killed Slip. That night in Jakku. Just shot him. I don't think he even realised. I don't think anyone did. 

I can't let that happen anymore. Not on either side. 

And I've started to think, that if troopers can be brainwashed, just like I was, could Kira Ren have been brainwashed too? Is she really pure evil, or was she also just a lost kid who didn't manage to escape Snoke's grasp. Was she just in the wrong place at the wrong time? Could I somehow get her back? 

Shaking my head, I place my bowl down on the ground and dig my fingers into my hair. Kriff. What am I doing?

Ben

"Poe?" I scream out as I run through the levels of this godforsaken tower, taking the stairs two at a time. "Poe!" I yell frantically. I've never felt panic like this. I can't lose Poe. Not Poe. Not now. "Poe! Come on buddy," I mutter as I stick my head into the tenth floor, scanning wildly for my friend. Sprinting through the halls, my feet hit the floor with a rhythm of thuds. All the signs in this place are in a language I don't recognise, so I'm flying completely blind here. I need to not let myself get lost either, I think as I pass a room that looks like some sort of lab.

The _droid_. Shoving open the heavy metal door, I stumble into the wall, desperately looking for the spy droid. Poe described it to me so many times I could probably find it blind. A TC-SC infiltration droid. Red sensors. Two meters tall. The TC-SC droids have the technology to chance appearances, assuming the appearance of a human in a couple of seconds. Great for espionage. Not for finding a lost one. Praying that the droid isn't in disguise, I keep rooting through the lab, my eyes finally landing on a long, spindly mechanical arm. Breathing a sigh of relief, I sprint towards it. It's trapped under a fallen filing cabinet. Swearing under my breath, I drop down to the floor and start trying to move the cabinet up with my feet, pushing from my legs. Jaw clenching, I push harder, reaching my arm out as I try and grab onto the droid. As the cabinet starts to finally budge, a shout of pain comes from close by. _Poe_.

Scrambling back to my feet, the cabinet crashes back onto the droid as I leave, door slamming behind my heels. "Poe!" I scream, voice hoarse as I sprint through the halls. The troopers outside continue shooting, and I can hear the sound of thundering footsteps below me, safely assuming some of them have made their way inside. "Poe?" I yell as I duck below the windows, dodging the shots from outside. Grabbing my blaster, I lean it against the window frame, shooting through the glass and down at the troopers below. I take two of them out, and as I move further to the left, my eyes land on Kira. 

She's outside, crackling sabre in hand as she cuts down her own soldiers. _Why_? But I don't have time to worry about why she's helping us. About her ulterior motives. I keep shooting the troopers that surround her, watching as she almost dances around them, saber hissing as she strikes through them like they're nothing. She really is pure power. I've never met anyone who wields a sabre like that. Like it's an instrument she's playing in her own little concerto of death. Her hair flies in the wind as she Force Leaps, jumping over a trooper and landing behind him. I flinch as she takes down another one before his body even lands. 

One of them takes out her sabre, the shot throwing it from her hand. Hissing, her hand flies out in front of her, and I watch as her fingers twitch, eyes narrowed as the trooper starts to float into the air. I glance behind her, something in the pit of my stomach screaming at me to _look_ , and when I see a trooper sneaking up on her with chains, I realise that they're trying to capture her. They don't want her dead. The same can't be said for me and Poe. 

Ready to shoot my blaster, I hiss as my fingers curl around the trigger, just about to shoot, when the metal burns me. Damn thing's overheated. Tossing the busted blaster to the side, my heart races as I try to figure out a way to help her. The trooper continues sneaking up behind her as the man in her hold struggles, whole body convulsing. Holy fuck, she's Force Crushing him.

Throat bobbing, I force myself to look away, arm almost instinctively flying out towards her discarded saber. I guide it swiftly towards the trooper, and it cuts right through his torso. When I realise Kira's staring at me, arms dangling at her side, I guide her sabre back to her, watching as she catches it in her hands. "Hurry up. They're sending more." I can make out her lips moving from below, but I hear her words in my mind. "I need to find Poe," I object, watching as she rolls her eyes. 

Nodding begrudgingly, she starts walking into the tower, disappearing from my sight. "Take the top floors," she orders me. I'm about to protest when she continues, "And I'll take the bottom."

Kira Ren

I find the pilot with two stormtroopers on the fifth floor. They're clearly waiting for orders, both of them muttering to each other. The pilot's crumpled up on the floor, and at first I think he's dead. That's probably the easiest possible option anyway. But then I see his chest rise and fall raggedly and I realise that he's just knocked out. Looks like he's been shot. "I've found him," I think, shooting my thoughts down to Ben. 

"Where are you? I'll come help. Is he alright? Is he injured? How many troopers are there?" he instantly sends back, rattling off a long list of panicked questions. Rubbing my temples, I lean back against the wall. I don't just get his thoughts, but his crushing fear and panic too. "Don't come," I tell him. "I can handle it. Just cover the first fourth floors."

"You'll need my help fighting," he objects, voice annoyed. I just tell him again that I've got it covered, ignoring the burning desire to fight with him again. It had felt like nothing I've ever experienced before. Like somehow, I could feel every single breath he took, every tremble in his fingers as he shot his blaster. And not just that. I could somehow see that trooper behind me. Could almost see through his eyes as well as my own. I had wanted to shut my eyes. To just let our bond guide me. I'd never felt more powerful. It was like something clicked. We've been doing it wrong this whole time. We shouldn't be fighting each other. Should be fighting together.

Running my fingers over the hilt of my saber, I suck in a deep breath when it lights, spinning into the room. The stormtroopers aren't ready, and they fall instantly. Bending down, I try and shake the pilot awake with my left hand, but he doesn't stir. "Crink," I swear, dropping my saber to the floor as I shake him with both arms. The thunderous sound of more troopers running up the stairs gets louder, and the pilot isn't any closer to opening his eyes. Snarling, I grip onto the pilot with the Force, guiding him through the air as I leap to my feet, grabbing my saber. Running through the halls, the pilot follows, his blood leaving a dripping trail behind us. We manage to skirt around the troopers heading further up the tower, but as I throw open the door to the outside, there are a couple more standing guard. 

Snarling, I reach out for all of them through the force, feeling their organs implode in my veins. "Ben," I hiss through the bond as the bodies crumble to the ground, the pilot moaning behind me. He doesn't answer. I'm about to call for him again when I'm cut off. He's thrown up a mental shield against me. Gasping from the force, I stumble back, almost falling to the ground.

Lips curling, I let the pilot fall. He groans, eyes rolling, but he doesn't wake up. 

I cannot believe I came to help this son of a bitch, and he's shutting me out. Is he somehow escaping? Leaving me with his dying pilot and making a getaway? Fingers tightening into fists, I make to storm through the crumbling city, back to the ship I stole from Vilrien. I should've known. He doesn't trust me. Never has. I was stupid to think that he might. That maybe we could-

As I turn a street corner, something jolts inside my mind. Dropping to my knees, I clutch my head, cringing against the weird sensation. "Ben?" I whisper. But I know it's not him. Ben's never felt this _intrusive_. Throat bobbing, I look up to meet a hooded face. A cloaked figure stands before me, revealing tanned skin as they hold out a strong hand, littered with scars. I tentatively slip mine into theirs, letting them help me to my feet.

Han Solo? It must be another one of my visions. I'm always seeing his face. Have been for months now. In every busy street. In every meeting. In every person, I just see the ghost of Han Solo. See his face as it was in the moment I took his life. I can't escape him. I don't think I'll ever be able to. But it isn't Han Solo.

It's someone I don't recognise at all. I'm met with a handsome face, belonging a man who can't be much older than me. A thin scar winds down the left side of his face. He has bright golden eyes and the sight of them almost takes my breath away. _Sith_.

"Are you-you saved me on Ladarra. Fifteen years ago. It was you," I stutter instinctively. It must be him. I-I feel something with this man. A familiar connection. He has to be the one who saved me. Maybe, maybe I can finally get answers. I reach out to cling onto his robes, but my fingers pass right through, as if he's nothing but air. "What?" I mutter, unable to keep up with the situation happening right now. 

"That wasn't me," the man says, almost apologetically. "You cannot give up on him. Your bond, it runs deep. It is embedded in your very essence. In yours and his." I automatically know he's talking about Ben. I always know when it's about Ben. "What is it?" I question, brows furrowed. 

"You are a dyad in the Force, Rey," he tells me, holding out a cybernetic arm. I take a step back, arms rigid at my side. Bullshit. There's no way me and Ben are the prophesied dyad. I bet Solo hasn't ever heard of a dyad. No. I'm done with these games.

"Who are you?" I demand, watching as the man takes a step back, watch as his golden eyes flash to blue. "Who are you?" I ask again, voice shaking. "How did you know my real name? How do you know me and Solo?" When he doesn't respond, I let out a feral yell, lighting my saber and twirling it in my fingers. The man doesn't even flinch. He actually looks almost amused, a faraway look on his face.

"You must trust him," is all he deigns to say to me, before suddenly he's gone, not unlike when Ben stops our Force summonings. But that man wasn't connected with me. No. My mouth parts when it hits me.

A Force ghost.

But who was he? And why did he tell me to trust Ben? Was he actually telling the truth about us being a dyad? I drop back against a wall, hand clutching my tunic as my heart rattles in my chest. 

That's when I feel his panic. And his fear cuts through everything else. Even the shield he threw up against me. Because Ben's fear will always matter more than anything. 

Sprinting back to the tower, my feet hit the stone walkways with sharp thuds. "Ben!" I scream out loud, hands cupping to my mouth as I reach the bottom of the tower. There are no new troopers, thankfully. Dropping back down beside the pilot, I check his pulse. He's still alive. "Ben!" I scream again, voice stiff as my throat starts to ache. My head snaps back to the tower when the sound of crashing glass fills my ears.

I can only watch, helpless and rooted to the spot as Ben Solo flies through the air, after crashing through a window fifteen stories up, clutching a man to his chest. He uses the Force at the last second, using it to land safely in a crouch. "Ben!" I cry out, waving my arms to grab his attention. A smile breaks out across his face as he runs towards me; but it's only when he skids to his knees, dropping the person he was carrying with out a care, and grabs the pilot's face do I realise it's not aimed at me. 

Looking away as red starts to pinch at my cheeks, I instead look towards the man Solo jumped out of a window with. It's only then do I see the golden mechanical arm, and the red light that seems to blink from under the man's skin. A droid. Ben's voice cuts through my thoughts, and I turn back to him as he stands.

"We have to go," he says as he scoops his unconscious friend into his arms, before he tries to pick up the droid with the Force. But he struggles and doesn't manage to pick him up. Clearly exerted himself. "No shit," I snipe back, pulling the droid up with the Force myself. I make towards my ship when Ben grabs my wrist and pulls me the other way. Shaking him off, I hurry after him in the opposite direction. I sneak glances at him as we sprint, as his arms strain under the weight of his friend. As he blows his long hair out of his face. 

Dyad. 


	14. Found What I've Been Looking for

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You saved my life."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fluff time boys :)

Kira Ren

Another dozen TIEs descend on us as we sprint towards Ben's ship. The soft sun beats down on me as my legs rhythmically hit against the rocky landscape. The violet from the sky sends shadows swirling across the ground, as if we're running across a whimsical painting. But then I almost get shot in the back and all the beauty from the planet drips away. I breathe a sigh of relief when a ship appears on the horizon, hopefully only a couple of minutes away. We can jump to hyperspace, and we should be fine. We'll be fine. I think.

As Ben continues to run forward, his friend bouncing in his arms, I make the mistake of sneaking a glance behind us. I need to know how close they are. Need to know our chances. But as soon as I do, I stumble on the gravel path, skidding to the ground. I cry out in pain as the TIEs start shooting excessively, one of them hitting me in the left calf. Throwing one of my arms up to cover myself, I grab at my leg with the other, jaw clenching as my eyes water in pain. 

"Kira!" Looking up at the sound of Ben's warning cry, my face bleaches as I watch the TIEs pick up speed. Scrambling back to my feet, I try and run towards Ben, but with every movement, a firework of crippling pain erupts up my leg. Cringing, I keep running, droid flying behind me again. I watch as Ben's ship's ramp slowly opens, and he lifts his pilot up into the ship carefully. Spinning on his heels, his face crunches up as he signals for me to run faster. I try, I try with every thing I have left, but my leg just won't fucking work. 

Teeth gritting, I pool all my concentration and power into fucking moving faster, when I hear a soft thud behind me. Gasping out in annoyance, time seems to slow as I watch the droid thud to the ground, falling out of my grasp. Eyes wide, my whole body stills as the TIEs gain distance, now many only ten meters away from me. Letting out a growl, I kick off the stony ground, leg screaming out in protest as I sprint towards the droid. Dropping to the ground again, I pull the droid towards my chest and slam up a Force barrier, a golden orb covering me and the droid. Then as the TIEs get closer, I dig down into that tunnel of power, and I clench my fists.

As the ships inch closer, I hear Ben screaming out my name. But his voice is drowned out as his power tunnels harshly into my own. I don't know if he's doing it on purpose, or if it's because of the...dyad. But I think I'll need whatever extra scarps of power I can get to finish this. Yelling out, I let my arms fly out, fingers clenching into fists as I channel the Force into each one of the TIEs. They shoot at me as they speed closer. I can feel the Force as it swims around the ships individually. Their shots rocket off of my barrier in restrained hisses. I try and shoot a warning to Ben to get to cover, but I get cut off as each of the ships combust, one at a time.

Crying out, I dive down onto the ground, covering the droid with my body as pieces of metal smash towards me. I only look up when I feel a pair of hands on my shoulders. Looking up with wide eyes, I meet Ben's face. A massive grin spreads across his lips as he drops to his knees beside me, the Force barrier dissipating. "Holy fuck," he breathes, pulling me against him in a tight hug. I stiffen in his hold, taking in the destruction I left over his shoulder. Fire eats at the remnants of the twelve TIEs, none of the pilots to be seen. Then my eyes fall on one body. Completely blackened and crisped. I push Ben away, shoving my face into my shoulder as I breathe heavily for a couple of moments. 

"Can you walk?" he asks when I unfurl myself, both of us glancing at my leg.

"I'll be fine," I tell him as I make an attempt to stand. He gives a huff of amusement when my leg buckles. "Fuck you," I scowl, ready to growl at him, when suddenly he's picking me up in his arms. He's carrying me like I'm something that matters. Like he needs to be careful. I look down at his strong arms, my throat bobbing before I let myself sneak a glance at his face. Red creeps up across my neck when I realise he's already looking down at me. Mouth dry, I fold my own arms, refusing to put them around his neck for support. This is incredibly unnecessary. I tell him as much, but he just laughs, shaking his head. 

"You saved my life," he says as he carries me to his ship, droid floating beside him. I nod, pushing my tongue into my cheek. My heart thuds aggressively. I'd be surprised if he couldn't hear it. "Why?" he asks quietly, as if he doesn't even want me to hear.

"I killed your father," I say honestly. But I start to realise maybe I shouldn't have said that as I watch his face fall. "I'm trying to make up for it," I try, looking up at him. He nods, his own jaw trembling slightly.

"I know," is all he says, before he looks forward, brown eyes clouded over. I don't know if he means that he's forgiven me, or if he knows I'm trying my best for him to forgive me. If he knows I'd tear myself up inside for him to forgive me. Or if he can hear the unspoken words in my voice, in my silence. If he knows about them too. I don't question him. I just slowly place my arms around his neck, shuffling closer into him as he walks back to his ship. The purple light rays make him look ethereal.

"We need to get out of here quickly," I tell him as he lifts me down onto some sort of couch. The pilot's lying beside me, chest rising and falling rhythmically. There's also a Togruta chained to a games table, and he's watching me with narrowed violet eyes - the exact hue of the sky outside. His pale white skin seems almost milky, sharply contrasting to the darker stripes adorning his body. I sneer at him as Ben checks on his friend. "I'll make the jump to hyperspace. Then we'll check on Poe," he nods as he straightens up. Shooting a glance at the Togruta, his lips tighten into a frown. "That's Dakis," he says without taking his eyes off of him. "Don't fucking try it," he warns the Togruta before he leaves. The door slides shut behind him, locking me in here with the Togruta who's shutting daggers at me.

Fingers drifting to my saber, Dakis grins at me, baring his sharp canines. I've never liked Torgutas. "What do you want?" I hiss, tilting my head down at him.

"You're a monster," he snarls, struggling against the chains around his wrists. I just roll my eyes. 

"Like I haven't heard that one before," I sigh, pushing myself off of the couch so I can crouch down beside him. "At least give me something new," I add, clicking my tongue. 

"Whore," he spits. I part my lips in disgust, flicking his saliva off of my face. "You kill people for sport. You have no soul," he cries out in anger, lurching for me. I lean back, cocking my head at him as I grin. "Sounds like you know everything about me."

"I know you're a butcher. I know you use that lightsaber to steal lives, that you scythe down anyone in your way. You're the new Vader." He says it with such burning hatred, I can see it painting his eyes. Little does he know, that insult is one of the biggest compliments I've ever received in my life. Thinking back to the portraits in my office, a smirk whispers against my lips.

"Correct," I nod, weighing up my saber in my left hand. "Now, how about you tell me why you're all tied up."

"Go fuck yourself, bitch," he hisses, purple eyes narrowed. Shaking my head, I activate the saber, spinning it in my fingers. His face pales of colour. Yes. There we go. There's that familiar sight. "How about you answer my question?" I murmur, leaning in closer to him, red light hissing dangerously. The ship then suddenly lurches, and I almost topple over, straightening myself up just in time before my saber slices Dakis' face open. As the ship jumps to hyperspace, the torguta glares at me.

"I know what you're doing," Dakis says, voice shuddering. "You're using the young Skywalker somehow. With your Sith mind tricks. I don't know why you're on this ship, or why he hasn't managed to kill you yet. But once he escapes your mind games he will. He'll cut your head from your fucking neck. Soon, he'll see you for what you are."

"Ah," I exclaim, a mocking grin on my face. I try and suppress my rising anger under a facade of cold amusement. I am so close to ripping this bastard's head off. "And what's that?"

"Just the whore who murdered his father."

Something in me shatters at that.

Letting out a wrathful cry, I swing for him, desperate to see him bleed. Desperate for him to shut his mouth. For him to never open it again. For him to die. But my saber sticks midair, and I can't force it down. The red light cracks beside the Torguta's face, sending merciless shadows dancing over his terrified experssion. Both of us turn to see Ben in the threshold, arm outstretched as he holds my weapon still. "Enough," he says to me, eyes focused on mine, unblinking. 

"Let me kill him," I shout out in rage, sneering at Dakis as I try and push the saber down. I yell out in frustration. How is he doing this?

"I can't," Ben says calmly as he walks over, placing a hand on my shoulder. Jutting my jaw out, I shove him off of me, pulling my weapon away from the vile, chained creature. "I thought I told you to keep your goddamn mouth shut." I hear Ben say exasperatedly. The Togruta doesn't give him a response, just shakes his head at the both of us. Ben sighs before he turns back to the couch. I watch, arms folded as he lifts Poe into his arms, and starts to carry him out of the room. I go to follow him but throw up my middle finger at Dakis. The door blocks out his harping cackle behind me.

Ben

I watch as Kira pries open Poe's eyes as he lies on the metal table, head leaning to the side. "Are you sure you know what you're doing?" I ask from my place against the wall. Kira just shoots me an annoyed look, face clouded over. I hold my hands up in surrender, keeping my mouth shut. I watch as she checks over him, pressing her long, tanned fingers against his hair and lowering her ear to his chest as her eyes flutter shut. 

I didn't ask her to help. As soon as I lay Poe down, she lightly elbowed me out of the way, and pressed her fingers against the side of his neck. Dakis has clearly stirred her up, and I can feel the festering hatred and rage boiling under her skin. Like an animal who's prey has escaped them. I can feel her itching for a fight. And as much as I'd love to see her slaughter Dakis, I can't let her. We need him alive.

"He should wake up soon," Kira says after ten minutes of her checking him, eyes flicking up to meet mine. Her face is streaked in dirt, eyes tired and worn. "He's just been knocked out. No permanent damage though." I nod, pressing my lips together before I take a step closer to her. She throws me a sideways glance, brows knitting together. "When are you going to let me look at your leg?" I ask, both of us looking down at her limp. 

"It doesn't need looked at," she lies. But she doesn't protest when I pick her up, placing her on the counter against the wall. She shifts uncomfortably, shivering under her soft tunic. As I lift her leg up, she winces, nose crinkling in pain. 

"Sorry," I say quickly, proceeding to lift it more carefully. She doesn't reply, just clenches her jaw tightly before she waves her hand at me to continue. "Uhm," I pause as I stare down at the leather leggings tightly wrapped around her leg. "I think you might need to take that off." When I look back up, Kira's arching an eyebrow at me, a restrained grin on her lips. Shrugging casually, she starts to pull down her leathers, streaked in dirt and blood. Throat bobbing, I stare at the wall behind her as she hisses in pain before she finally manages to tug them off.

I don't think about the fact that Kira Ren is sitting in my ship in her underwear now. I don't let myself look at her face, just keep my eyes trained on her leg. It's a pretty clean shot, and it doesn't look too deep. Lightly pressing my fingers against her calf, she shudders under my touch, batting my hand away with a wince. "Hurts," she says weakly. Pulling my hands away instantly, I go to lift down a medpack from the cabinet beside her head. Breath hitching, I realise how close we are suddenly, Kira's face only a hair's length away from mine. Slightly forgetting how to breathe, I start to rifle around the medpack before I pull out a Bacta patch. 

Smoothing it down across her calf, I straighten up, throwing her a grin. "That should help," I say, watching as she traces the perimeter of the patch with her finger experimentally. "Why'd you go back for the droid?" I ask suddenly. It's been bugging me since we left Vardos. I just don't understand why she went back for it. She got shot and she still tried her best to keep it safe. She doesn't even know why we need it. But she must know it'll hurt her cause. I mean, it has her fucking master's location.

"Seemed like it was important to you," is all she says, shrugging as she lowers her leg down slowly, dangling them against the cabinet. Frowning, I look down at her face as my heart clenches to an almost painful point. She went back for the droid. Suddenly, in her eyes, I see the girl hidden behind the mask of Kira Ren. I have the overwhelming urge to know her real name. I've tried to find it before, but I can never get past her mental shields. But right now, in this moment, I see...everything.

Her fresh lips, red lipstick stained across her face. Her dark eyes, swirling with so much pain, and anger and resentment. The way she wields her saber like she isn't human, like she can defy everything that's meant to make sense. The way she smiles, like she forgets for a split second. Then the way she catches the smile, and it turns to a forced frown. The way I feel like I'm drowning when she isn't there. Like-like she's this anchor, that I desperately need to live, to breathe. How I literally can't remember a time where she wasn't here, in my head. That darkness, that somehow makes everything lighter. Her darkness, like a torch, just seems to make everything clearer. 

She's so broken. But who in this war isn't?

I see her. I feel her. I know her. More than she knows herself. Because I see that kernel of good. Of bright, glowing light. Like a beacon, calling me, begging me to come and save her.

Kira gasps against my lips as I lean down and kiss her abruptly, hands planted firmly on either side of her face. She stills, not moving for a split second, but then she melts against me, hands in my hair was she wraps her bare legs against my waist, edging me closer to her. It's inside her. That light. It's not been stifled yet. It's there. And I'm going to save her. I'm going to bring Kira Ren back to the light. I'm going to end this war.


	15. Reach Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm not a Sith Lord you fucking cretin."

Finn

"What do you know about the Force?" Luke asks as we reach the top of the cliffside, turning back to face me. Pausing, shame colours my cheeks as I shrug lightly. Luke smiles in what looks like understanding, giving a huff of amusement as he continues towards a craggy overlook. I stay where I am, watching as he pauses beside a rock on the overhang, patting it as he gestures for me to follow him. 

"It's alright," he says softly, arm on my shoulder as we both look out onto the sea as it crashes violently against the white rock below us. 

"Is it though?" I ask, eyes dropping to my boots. I should be progressing faster than this. Luke should be trying to help me use my powers, not have me hike up to watch the sea with him. "Son, it has taken me my whole life to truly understand the ways of the Force. Even now," he adds as he looks out to the horizon, blue eyes wide and wistful. "It surprises me everyday." I don't know what to say to that, so I just watch him carefully. Luke is very different to the man I first met. Patient and seasoned, this man is more like the one I was first expecting. He also seems hopeful, even though I'm completely fucking useless. 

"Sit down, Finn," Luke says, looking up at me as he gestures to the large rock beside us. Trying to restrain my suspicious frown, I drop down onto the rock. "Not like that," Luke rolls his eyes. "Back straight," he says, poking my back sharply. "Legs in a basket. Eyes closed," he adds, fingers brushing over my eyelids. Controlling my breathing, I let my body still against the soothing wind, listening to Luke as he continues. 

"The Force is an energy field created by all living things. It surrounds us, penetrates us, and binds the galaxy together." Nodding tightly, I try and take in everything he's saying. "Don't think too much, Finn," Luke chastises, as if he can hear my thoughts. I almost flinch when he takes my hand from where it is on my knee, and places it against the rock's surface. Small pebbles dig into my palm as Luke presses it down. "Reach out," he says softly, letting go off my hand. Taking a deep breath in, I let my fingers brush the boulder's scratchy surface, feeling every bump and crack. Then, I reach out with my heart. Gasping lightly, I feel a hum through my veins. A calmness washes over me, and it's like I've floated out of my own body.

"What do you see?" I hear Luke ask. Mouth parting slightly, I see the island in my mind. But it's also as if I'm a bird, wings flapping thunderously at my side as I soar over the cliffs, the beautiful rolling green stark against the dark rocks of grey. "The island," I mutter. Snowdrops burst from the ground, winding into the sky as the morning dew slips down their stems. "Life."

The fossils embedded into the island itself. Bones thousands of years old, buried deep in the dirt. "Death and decay." Sprouts burst up again, flowers of every hue of the rainbow wrapping themselves around the bones. "That feeds new life." The sun beats down against my skin, the hairs on my neck standing up as it kisses my temples. "Warmth." The waves that smash against the stones, then drag themselves back out, leaving a trail of seafoam. "Cold."

The little creatures that live on the island leap around the grass. A mother nuzzles against her child, placing her wing protectively around it. They sleep in their nest together, the child safe from harm under its mother's wing. "Peace." The sea eats up the old shells scattered across the sandy beaches, the cracking sound ringing loudly in my ears. "Violence."

"And in-between it all?" I hear Luke ask, voice focused. 

"The Force," I breathe. "The same Force that's inside me," I murmur breathlessly.

"You see now," Luke hums as my eyes stay fluttering shut. "That Force does not belong to the Jedi. To say it does is pure vanity." Eyes flying open, I laugh raggedly, unable to contain the exhilarating feeling inside me. "The light will always remain," I murmur, my eyes meeting Luke's as he stands in front of me, hands against the rock too. "Even if the Jedi die out. The light will always remain."

Luke nods, blue eyes dancing. "The Light will always remain," he repeats, a grin spreading across his face.

"Your first successful lesson," Rose smiles when me and Luke reach the bottom of the cliff again. I nod and she lets out an excited squeal, wrapping her arms around my neck in a tight hug. Laughing, I hug her back as rain starts to splutter down on us. We pull apart, and Rose rushes after Luke, throwing me another bright, toothy smile before she turns away from me. I wait behind for a moment, watching Luke and Rose hurry back down to the stone huts, seeking shelter. 

The Light will always remain. Looking up, I frown as dark thunder clouds grow closer. But so will the Dark.

Ben

I didn't expect Kira to feel so cold. But she is. And I'm surprised to find that I don't really care. Actually, I like it. I like the coldness of her fingers against my neck.

I plant my hands firmly on her cheeks before I open my mouth up quickly, her own hands pushing up into my hair. I’m aware of the Poe lying unconscious behind us and I’m aware that this is the Master of Ren and I’m aware that there's always the possibility that she might try and kill me. But when she opens her own mouth and nudges me closer to her all those thoughts leave my mind instantly.

“Solo,” she murmurs softly and I can feel her going to pull away. Throat bobbing, I pull myself away from her, arms falling on either side of her torso. “Don’t say anything,” I breathe, almost begging as I meeting her dark, swirling eyes. She looks confused. I feel confused. But that doesn’t stop me from pressing my lips to her soft neck. And it doesn’t stop her from tracing my arms and my chest and my neck. And it doesn’t stop me from recklessly tugging her tunic over her head. And it doesn't stop her tightening her legs around my waist.

I never realised how strong Kira is.

She looks thinner with her clothes on, when I can’t see the muscles in her stomach and arms. “Fuck,” I say before thinking. Kira doesn’t say anything, just rests her hand on my neck again before she crushes her lips against mine. I let her. I also let her unbutton my own tunic, fingers nimble before she tugs it open, lying her palms flat on my chest. I kiss her desperately, her mouth hot against mine. I kiss her like I've been holding back for weeks, for months. I kiss her like I know this'll be the last time I get this chance.

We taste like pure passion and need. And I feel myself getting hard when Kira moans against my mouth, gripping my arms and edging her mouth closer. She tastes like sweet honey and a bit like dirt. Gripping the back of her thighs, I bring her up into my arms, lifting her off of the counter. She grinds against me, and my mind starts to unravel. Groaning against her soft lips, I think I murmur her name against her mouth. Managing to pull away, I look into her eyes, pausing. "Is this okay?" I ask, breath ragged as she grips my shirt tightly in her fingers.

"What is _this_?" she asks, lips pink and swollen. She tilts her head down at me, and I almost come completely undone. 

"A distraction." The words leave my mouth before I can think, and they hang in the air between us. I swear her face falls slightly, but I must've imagined it, because she's already nodding vigorously, fingers tapping down my chest towards my erection. "A distraction," she agrees, whispering the words against my skin as she buries her face into my neck. Grabbing her closer towards me, I can barely think. Too many thoughts smash through my mind, I can't catch onto any of them. 

Wrapping her arms tightly around my neck, she shuffles into me, hips grinding against me. "Solo," she breathes against my cheek, left arm dropping from my neck to my trousers. Gasping, I let her do what she wants, toes curling as her she unbuttons the top of my trousers, mouth still hot against my neck.

Then a groan sounds from behind us, and I almost drop Kira in shock. Letting go of her, she slides down back onto her own feet. Pulling my tunic back over my head, I run over to Poe. "Poe?" I ask tentatively, a sigh of relief escaping my lips when his eyes squint open. 

"Solo?" he asks, bringing a hand up to shield his eyes from the light. 

"Right here," I tell him, placing a hand on his shoulder as he tries to sit up. 

"The droid?" he asks, rubbing his eyes with the heel of his hands. I nod in response and Poe lets out a long whistle before he claps my back. "Those fuckers knocked me over the head," he scowls, rubbing the back of his head. Then he faces forward, and his mouth falls open slightly. Cringing, I follow his line of sight to see Kira, now thankfully fully clothed, standing at the foot of the table, arms folded. "What the-"

Kira Ren

I sit on the hard, metal chair, legs crossed as I watch Solo and the pilot argue. Dameron uses a lot of exaggerated hand gestures while he shouts. Most of them are directed at me. When he noticed me in the medbay, he lost his shit. And he's still losing his shit. But now we've moved to the foyer. Change of scenery.

"You didn't need to fucking bring her with you," Poe exclaims, hands clutching his hair. Sighing, my eyes shoot to Dakis, who's smirking up at me. I scowl back but he just laughs silently. My fingers drift to my mouth self-consciously. That can't be why he's laughing. There's no way he could know. Glancing up at Ben as he argues with Poe, I cock my head at him. He doesn't look abnormally disheveled. My eyes drop back down to myself. I don't look like I just almost fucked my nemesis either. No, there's no way Dakis could know. He's just being a prick. 

"She saved our lives, Poe," Ben protests, muscles in his neck tight. 

"I do not give one singular fuck!" the pilot shouts. He laughs like Ben's gone insane, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Ben, putting the fucked up vendetta she has against _you_ aside. She is a General of the First Order."

"Commander," I correct, picking at my nails as I look up at the two of them from under my eyelashes. Poe just presses his lips together before he rolls his head to face Ben, brows rising.

"You, shut the hell up," Ben hisses, aiming his hand towards me. Folding my arms, I lean back further into the seat. That's the first fucking thing he's said to me since-well, since he deemed me a mere distraction. Biting my tongue, I watch as he sighs, face softening before he turns back to Poe. "She's not going to do anything, Poe. Please, you've got to trust me."

Poe seems to consider this, blowing his cheeks out as he looks from me to Ben. "I trust you," he concedes finally, arms falling to his side. "I just don't trust her."

"Well, I wish I'd left you to rot on Vardos then," I grumble, tossing my hair over my shoulder. 

"The fuck did I just say?" Ben sighs, narrowing his eyes. I just stick my middle finger up, leaning forward in my seat. 

"Look, you don't need to trust me, okay?" I say as I stand up, brushing down my leathers. "I'll be out of your hair as soon as possible. You don't have to worry about me. If I was going to slice your head off, I wouldn't have saved your meaningless life, would I?" The pilot gives a humourless huff of amusement after I flick his nose. 

"You fools." We all turn to face Dakis as he hisses at us. "She's using her Sith powers. She's melting your minds. She'll kill us all!"

"I'm not a Sith Lord, you fucking cretin," I retort, crinkling my nose at him. 

"Alright," Poe sighs as he bends down to unchain Dakis. "I'm moving him into the storage room. I can't listen to his annoying voice anymore." Dakis starts to protest, but shuts his mouth gingerly when Poe shoots him a dark look. "And she," he adds, pointing an accusatory finger in my direction. "Better stay out of my fucking cockpit." I don't reply, just shoot him a fake simper before he drags Dakis out of the room. And then there were two. 

"Kira-" Ben starts, arm reaching out towards me. 

"Don't," I murmur, dodging his outstretched arm as I shoulder open another door, leading me away from my _distraction_. Well, if this is to be my home for a bit, I might as well make myself comfortable.


	16. Across the Stars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I wouldn't kill you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys :) so this is where it gets smutty smutty, just a warning

Ben

Poe hasn't murdered Kira yet. And she hasn't even attempted to murder him yet. Which I'm taking as a victory. 

It has only been twenty-four hours. But they've lasted longer than I expected. 

"What are we going to do about Dakis?" I ask Poe as he stirs the pot of denta beans on the stove. He shrugs, glancing over at the storage room Dakis is currently locked in. 

"We'll take him back to his home," Poe finally says, pouring the beans into two bowls. 

"We'll what?" I ask, pushing myself up from my place against the wall to grab Poe by the shoulders. "We can't just let him go. He's a traitor, Poe. He sold a droid with information that could stop this war, he-

"What would you propose we do?" Poe asks, voice dropping as he looks up at me. I open my mouth, but shake my head in defeat when I realise I have no idea. "Kill him?" Poe asks, eyes wide as he tugs at my sleeve, stopping me from wandering away. I turn to face him, dropping his gaze in shame. "Ben," he starts, tone serious. "How did she find us?" He tightens his grip on my sleeve. Glancing up at him with wide eyes, something in my gut clenches. His face is a cast of openness, or concern for me. But the words won't come out. I remember how my mother had looked at me when she found out. Like she didn't even recognise me. I can't have Poe looking at me like that. I need to-need to protect him.

"I don't know," I say honestly, about to tell him it must've been mere coincidence, when something pops into my mind. "Holy shit, Poe," I exclaim, hand against my forehead. "It wasn't a coincidence that those troopers were there, on-on Vardos,” I ramble, words falling from my mouth quicker than I can comprehend. "They knew we were coming, Poe."

"How would they possibly know that?" he asks, brows knitting together. 

"I don't know." I bite my bottom lip, eyes wildly scanning the area. "There must be..." I trail off, narrowing my eyes as I slowly circle the room. "Ben, what are you-" I cut Poe off by pressing my finger up against my lips, shaking my head slowly. Eyes fluttering shut, I stretch out my right hand, fingers twitching as I use the Force to scan the area. I'm pretty shaky, and my hands shoot to my head as the Force starts picking up every piece of technology starts, alarms ringing in my head. 

Wincing, I let go and try again, this time pin pointing the Force. Eyes wide, I drop down to my stomach, crawling towards Uncle Chewie's game table. Reaching up, I pull down a micro-tracker, red light blinking up at me. Standing back up slowly, I signal for Poe to follow me as we jog through the ship. Placing the tracker down on the floor of my old bedroom, me and Poe slowly back away, exhaling when the door closes. 

"Who could've put a tracker on the Falcon?" Poe asks, face pale. I know what he's going to say before he even opens his mouth.

"I've been with Kira the whole time she's been on the ship," I interject quickly, running a tired hand down my face. "And it can't have been Dakis..." I trail off, meeting Poe's eyes as the both of us curse loudly.

"There's a spy on Ajan Kloss," Poe cries out. "We've got to tell General Organa." I nod, stroking my arms as I think about my mother back at the base. "You should tell her," I murmur, scratching the back of my neck. "We didn't exactly leave on great terms," I explain when he arches an eyebrow at me. 

"Alright," he breathes, nose crinkling in worry before he shoots a sideways glance back at the door. "I'll go comm Ajan Kloss now." Chewing the inside of my cheek, I make bak towards the main room, when Poe calls my name. "Ben. They'll know about Kira Ren. They'll think she's betrayed the Order."

Throat bobbing, all I can do is nod, before I hurry back down the hall, leaving Poe to rely the information back to the Resistance. We've got to get back as soon as possible now. Fuck, they know about Dakis. About us having the droid. Fuck, fuck, fuck. 

I find Kira in the main room, stabbing a bowl of beans aggressively with a fork. She's wearing the clean shirt and cotton trousers I left out for her. I found the trousers after an hour of searching the ship. They look fucking ancient, but they were the only thing that looked like they'd fit her. Even at that, they're still a bit too big for her. The tunic's mine from years ago. But I didn't tell her that when I left them for her.

She sighs dramatically when I walk in, sliding out of the booth and brushing past me. "Kira," I sigh, following after her.

"What?" she asks, brows lowered as I follow her into the engine room. Unable to explain fast enough, I just let down the barriers around my mind, letting her see what just happened. "Oh," is all she says, and I feel her let go of me. "Well, it's not like I was planning to stay here anyway. I haven't betrayed the Order."

"You killed more than a dozen troopers," I say, frowning as she turns her back to me, bracing herself against a table. "Kira...what'll he do to you?" She doesn't reply, but I watch as her back caves in slightly. Fuck, I don't even want to imagine what Snoke will do to her when he finds her. She'll be executed. "Come back with us," I blurt out, taking a step forward. She turns around, her face a cast of disbelief. "We can keep you safe. You don't have to go back to him."

Her dark, beautiful eyes narrow. "I would rather die than go back with you, Solo," she spits. "I believe in the First Order. I'd never join the Resistance that murdered my parents." Something dangerous flashes across her face, her lips twisting. 

"Kira, please, I-"

"What are you doing, Solo?" she asks, clearly annoyed. "Did you think that just because we kissed you'd turned me to the Light?" She plasters a mock expression of joy across her face. "Did you think that I'd fall in love with you? That I'd abandon the Order and skip into the fucking sunset with you, holding hands?" She shakes her head, hair swishing across her collarbones, stomping towards me. "You said it yourself, Solo. Just a distraction. Just a warm body."

Kira Ren

“I’d still kill you,” I say, because I need him to hear this. I keep speaking as he walks towards me. “If we were in battle together. I’d do it, Solo. And you’d do it too. I know that you would, alright? So stop pretending like you-“  
  
He shuts me up by kissing me roughly, hand clutching at my hair desperately. Part of me wants to push him away, look him dead in the eyes and make it extremely clear that nothing has changed now. That before was purely to get it out of both of our systems. That we’d still slit each other open on a battlefield. But a bigger part of me just wants to to feel him inside me.   
  
His tongue works it’s way around, twisting with mine aggressively. My toes curl on the floor. I’m impatient and this frantic kissing is frustrating me and my body, just all tongues and teeth. He moans into my mouth and my lisp break out into a grin against his as the sound echoes around the empty room.  
  
Suddenly his arm clutches my waist, pulling me against him as we kiss. Ben Solo tastes like no other man I’ve ever fucked before. He tastes like pure power. Like glory. But right now he tastes like desperation. I laugh against his lips as I clutch my hands to his face. I’ve rendered Ben Solo desperate. This might be my greatest accomplishment. His whole body shudders against me as I hitch my legs up around his hips, hands grasping at him as he lifts me up, arms around my legs. His fingers light my skin on fire.  
  
“The table,” I breathe quickly against him, teeth grazing his neck. He doesn’t seem to notice, breathing shallow as his jaw quivers. “Ben,” I purr, fingers tipping his chin up so he has to look at me. His eyes are glassy. “Fuck me against the table."  
  
His eyes go wild at that and he walks until I drop onto the metal table behind us. His hips grind against mine, and I can feel his erection through his trousers. Widening my legs slowly, my tongue darts down across his neck, followed by my teeth. I gasp with pleasure as his fingers dig into my thighs. He crashes his mouth against mine, cock twitching in his trousers as I clutch at him breathlessly. He sucks my bottom lip into his mouth. Ben Solo kisses like I’m air and he’s a dwindling fire. One hand slides up my body quickly as he still holds me against the table, and I grin as he tears off the loose shirt. His eyes instantly drop to my breasts, palming them as my nipples stiffen. Alright. The fun’s over now. I need him in me. Now.  
  
I unbutton his own shirt as he holds me, digging into him as I pull it over his head. When I’m done and I look back at him, a redness creeps up over my neck as I watch him watch me, eyes wide.  
  
I come slightly undone as his eyes roam over me. Then I just become more turned on. My underwear is almost soaked now, clinging onto me as I hold my tongue from begging for it. My body aches with the need for him.  
  
"Crink," he mutters to himself. I just bite my lip and open wider. Suddenly he drops to his knees, wrapping his arms around my thighs to yank me closer to him. Then I feel his mouth. And I can’t help but cry out. Wrapping my legs around his shoulders and burying a hand in his hair, I throw my head back with a gasp. Ben makes a noise of approval against me as I pull at him, desperately pulling him closer as his warm tongue traced her through the fabric of my underwear.  
  
He doesn’t even try to take them off, just pulls them aside so he can seal his mouth around me, tongue licking and flicking. It isn’t loving, or caring, Ben just goes at me like he can’t get enough. But that’s all I need right now. That’s all this is.  
  
He sucks at my clit relentlessly and I have to bite down a scream. The he starts licking me slowly and I can’t help but moan loudly as I buck against his face, the desperate need to come crippling me.  
  
He shoves two fingers into my slick entrance, pumping them in and out roughly and I can’t help but actually yell out his name in pleasure. I shake around him, quivering as I grab onto his hair. "Ben, fuck,” I start, barely able to get the words out. “I’m going to come," I warn, fingers grasping at his hair. But he just hums, the sound vibrating against my clit just as his fingers curl deeper inside of me, brushing that fucking spot.  
  
I loose my mind. His fingers move steadily inside me, his tongue swirling and flicking my clit. His perfect lips are perfectly hot and wet around me. I can’t hold on any longer, crying out as I unraveling on his mouth. He doesn’t stop fingering me all through my orgasm but he does lean back to watch, eyes dark. Panting desperately, I go to collapse against the table when he leans back in. I can’t even speak, the only thing coming out do my mouth a gargling sound as I squirm against him.  
  
“Again," he rasps against my thigh, pulling his fingers free to rub me with firm strokes. I cry out as he plunges his tongue into me again, head back as my mind sparks in amazement. His thumb presses down on my swollen bundle of nerves, working in unwavering, tight circles and swipes. And his mouth, his fucking mouth, laps at me, thrusting his tongue into me in sync with the movements of his long fingers.  
  
He works me to a second orgasm quickly, relentlessly working my sensitive clit and fucking me with his tongue. There was something about the way he does it, like he's so hungry for it, like he needs this as much as I do. As I came a second time, I glance down, Ben's eyes meeting mine from between my legs. He watches me with eager eyes, mouth and fingers still not slowing. We don't let our eyes drop through the entire thing, the sight only intensifying my already Galaxy shattering orgasm.  
  
My back drops against the table, my body withering under his arms. I feel completely undone. Feel almost reborn. I’ve never felt desired and wanted like this before. Normally it’s always just pure sex. Sometimes they beg for it, and they think it turns me on as they grab at my thighs with rough hands. I always just saw them as pathetic. The other times they take it like I owe it to them. Not like I deserve pleasure too. No, I’m always seen as a female with the right parts first. A person with their own wants second. No one's ever done something like that for me before. Given me two orgasms like I’m worthy of it.  
  
But Ben’s not like a man I’ve ever met before. He doesn’t treat me like a goddess purely for wanting to fuck him. And he doesn’t take me like I was made for him to touch. Never Ben. But I can’t let him see that. Not after hearing his thoughts about that girl. _Kay_.  
  
Ben straightens up, waves sticking to his forehead slightly as he reaches out a hand. I bat it away, standing up on my own. I almost topple over, knees still weak and Ben laughs lightly as he catches me. He glanced down, smirking at the sight. "I didn’t take you for a lace wearer,” he says, head cocking as his eyes drop down to my disheveled underwear.  
  
I let a slow grin unfurl across my lips, clicking my tongue as I meet his eyes. He didn't notice the lace when he was checking on my wound. But now it's like it's all he can see. “Men don’t normally admire my underwear,” I admit, shrugging as I glance down.  
  
“They should admire every part of you,” he growls, hands soft against my skin as he tilts my head up, a strange look in his eyes as mine meet his.  
  
I just plaster on a grin, toying with the button on his trousers. "Stop talking, Solo."  
  
And he does just that. He spins me with no effort at all, lightly bending me over the table. A gasp escapes my lips, desperation and arousal screaming through me as he presses against me. The shirt he gave me to wear is all bunched up, all of my tanned skin exposed to him. “They should worship you," he breathes softly. His lips tickle my neck, and arousal slams into me. The sound of his belt thudding against the floor is excruciating. I try to wiggle back further into him but he places firm hand on the back of my spine holding me in place. Then he slowly slips my underwear down, letting them fall down around my ankles.  
  
I groan as the hot tip of his cock brushes against me, just barely grazing at my wetness. He gently rocks against me, hovering right at my entrance. Please. He‘s so close, my mind is about to implode. Please. Please. Please.  
  
"I wouldn’t kill you," he tells me, voice husky. I snort, the unbearable arousal slipping for a moment as I turn to laugh at him. But then he presses forward so his length slides against me, fitting perfectly between all of me. His tip hits my clit and I moan out, fingers digging into the metal surface. Ben moves back and forth in a tantalizing motion, letting me feel every inch of him.  
  
I bite down a whimper when he suddenly pulls away completely. I attempt to move my hips back in invitation, but he won’t let me move, hand still on my back. I’ve never done this before, give up control like this. I never thought it would be hot. But holy shit. Listening to Ben’s low voice and letting him take control is threatening to break me. I can feel myself dripping wet for him.  
  
He leans forward again, but only his face. His cock stays out of my reach. "Do you think about this too? About us fucking until we broke each other? Did you ever think you’d be so wet for me?" My throat bobs and I glance over my shoulder, needing to see him, to feel him, but the sight nearly makes my heart stop. I always forget how tall Ben is. How strong. But not now. Not as he towers over me, hair hanging in his face as he watched me. He stares at me still bent over the table before him, his hand lazily moving up and down the length of his swollen erection, which was glistening with a mixture of his precome and my wetness. Holy fuck.

His dark eyes meet mine and I whimper slightly.  
  
"I did," I admit, unbearably aroused. I shift, spreading my legs wider, smirking when he groans. "I would think about you when I touched myself. Would imagine it was you when I fucked others. I thought about you fucking me on a table, over the counter, against the wall, letting me riding you on the floor. One night I was so unbearably horny that I almost sent for you. I almost held on to the bond. Just so I could see if I could suck you off from lightyears away."  
  
Ben swears colourfully under his breath, head heavy as he glares down at the floor, his whole body shuddering. Then he‘s finally inside me, filling me to the hilt with a fleshly slap. Id be fine if I only ever heard that sound again. As my wet heat wraps around every inch of him, I let out a snarling moan, slamming my hand against the table.

“I never stop fucking thinking about you,” he snarls, grabbing my hips forcefully to hold me perfectly still. It’s almost unbearable as I feel every pulse, every throb of his cock as he holds himself still inside of me. Just for a moment, just to show me that he can also be in control. Cocky bastard. I almost snarl out, wanting him to fucking move, but he beats me to it. As he starts moving, he pulls out disastrously slow, only to thrust back in roughly, as deep as he can. The torturous rhythm destroys me completely.  
  
“Harder," I demand, arms stretched out across the table so I can roll my hips back into him, meeting his teasing thrusts.  
  
“I don’t- I won’t be able to last long," he shudders out. I almost roll my eyes. I don’t need him to last long. I just need him to take me against this table right now, to destroy me. "Just fuck me," I pant. And when he does move, cock twitching teasingly I do something I’ve never done before. “Please, Ben,” I beg.  
  
That seems to unleash something inside of him because finally his hips meet mine in a frantic rhythm. I moan out in please as I press up into him, angling my hips to let him slide in a fraction deeper, grinning as he groans deeply at the feeling. “You feel so good, so fucking good, Kira." His voice betrays how close he is. How desperately he’s trying to hold back. I murmur as he bends over me, me closer to reach around and slip a hand up and under the oversized shirt. I moan loudly as his hands cup my breasts, fingers twisting and pinching at her nipple as he fucks me over the table in a constant rhythm.  
  
I realise that if I could stay here, in this moment in time, with Ben’s slick and throbbing cock moving in and out of me, I would.  
  
He slows down for a second and I bark out in protest, but when he presses his second hand down between us, working against my clit, I whimper instead.  
  
Every colour in the Galaxy seems to paint us as we explore each other completely. Speaking in a new language as his hips meet mine with wet, beautiful sounds. I can feel myself flying toward my third orgasm, and my body quivers in anticipation. "Kira," Ben gasps against the back of my neck, his breath hot against my skin. "Please, I want to- I want to feel you come with me." That completely sends me.  
  
I grab onto the table with everything I have left as I tip over the edge and orgasm again. I fill around his cock, back arching against him. He moans loudly as I come, his thrusts breaking. He follows a second later, as his strong and powerful body finally stills, coming inside me with hot, pulsing bursts that rocked against my sensitive core. He leans against me as he comes, head against my damp neck, filling me deep inside with his come.  
  
His arms buckle around me as he pulls out and I murmur softly as I feel wetness dripping down my thighs and slicking my skin. "Fuck," I gasp out, letting myself drop down onto the floor, back against the table legs. Ben follows, dropping down beside me. He leans against the wall, eyes closing as he breathes raggedly. He's completely naked, and I'm only in his tunic. He doesn't know I know it's his. But I could smell him on it as soon as I put it on.

"I still can't stay," I breathe, leaning closer to him as my body quivers. He opens one eyes before he closes it again, stretching out his arms. "What are you doing?" I ask, arching a brow. 

"I want to feel you in my arms," he murmurs softly. Snorting, I push myself up to my feet, shaking my head in disbelief. Tugging the trousers back on, I look down at him. His face has fallen, brown eyes wide. Something in the pit of my stomach aches at that, but I straighten my back and continue towards the door. "What?" he asks, incredulously. "We can have sex but I can't hold you?"

Nodding, I answer with a faltering smile. "Just a distraction," I remind him, replaying his own words on my tongue before I pad out of the room, sneaking a glance over my shoulder as the door shuts behind me. 

Just a distraction.


	17. Failure is Your Legacy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The Jedi are extinct."

Finn

"This is hardly fair," I point out as Rose twirls the staff in her hands, cocking her head at me. She arches an eyebrow at me and I roll my eyes, dropping into my own fighting stance. Rose has been pretty sad since the Temple burned down. I found out a couple days ago the reason why Luke brought a cyborg with him to Act-To. She was archiving the Jedi texts. But you can't archive ash. So, she's taken to teaching me how to properly wield Ben's saber. 

"You know every single way of fighting," I protest as she starts to circle me. 

"Form of fighting," she corrects. "And that's why I have this," she sighs, tossing the staff from hand to hand. "And you have that." Her eyes flick towards the saber in my hands. "Alright," I nod, pushing my tongue into my cheek as I activate the saber. The blue light bursts forth, humming softly beside me. The hilt is heavy, but it feels natural in my fingers. Like it's an extension of myself. Blasters always felt cumbersome. But this is something completely new. 

"Form I," Rose orders, and I twirl the saber in my fingers, straightening my back and bending down as it comes to a vertical line. Then she attacks, staff swirling. I deflect her blows with the saber, but the damage is turned down, so while normally the sabre would spilt her staff down the middle, she just keeps coming back. I try and cut off her angles, breathing steady as I make bold, sweeping motions with the blue light. Rose grins, as she stumbles, quickly rolling to the side before she calls out, "Form II."

Clicking my tongue, I scoff. "You're just doing that because I was beating you." 

"Form II," she shrugs, fingers tightening around the staff. Sighing, I straighten up, arms out at either side of my body, saber pointed down as I get into Form II's opening stance. Rose hums her approval, and then I'm up, saber switching from left to right as I go on the offence, making small jabs at her. Eyes flicking to my feet, I scowl when I almost trip over myself. I don't like Form II. Too much concentration on precision. On where your feet go and minuscule attacks. But it lets me defend myself easily, pushing Rose back to the edge of the clearing. I realise she's bluffing too late, and her foot comes up to meet my jaw.

I wince as I fall onto my back, sabre falling from my hand. "Why did that happen?" she asks as her face appears in front of me, blocking out the sun.

"Form II is a technique that helps one resist the Force attacks of an enemy, and is also excellent for lightsaber combat. It does more damage, but it leaves you vulnerable to other attacks. Use it against others wielding the Force or lightsabers, but not against anyone else," I relay Rose's words back to her, recounting the day she tried to teach me Form II. She nods, extending a hand to help me up. 

"Can we be done now?" I ask, groaning as I rub my back. Rose shakes her head, a cast of amusement plastered across her face.

"We still have five more forms," she tells me, gesturing with her head to the discarded saber. Biting down on my bottom lip, I instinctively let my arm fly out, fingers twitching as I feel the Force. I let out a bark of glee when the saber flies into my fingers. But Rose cuts me off by shouting, "Form III."

Sighing, I position my right foot backwards, and hold the blade back at an angle, left arm up. Here we go again.

When we finish Form VII, Juyo, I almost let myself drop to the ground, sweat dripping from my forehead. Rose yawns, patting my back before she bids me a goodnight, wandering off towards her hut as she twirls the staff in her fingers. Swearing under my breath, I'm about to sit down on a rock and maybe just pass out, when I notice Luke standing on top of a cliff, watching me. I hold my hand up in a wave, and I hold back an annoyed sigh when he gestures for me to come up to him. Looks like it's time for my second lesson.

The setting sun shines in through the massive crack in the cliff, bathing Luke in a golden light as he looks towards me as I enter the cave. Enter the first Jedi Temple. "The Jedi are extinct," he finally says, hands shoved into the pockets of his robes. "Romanticised. Deified. But when you strip away the myth and look at their deeds..." Shaking his head, he gives a huff of cynical laughter. "The legacy of the Jedi is failure. Hypocrisy." I frown as he sits against the rocky mosaic, letting his fingers drift in the water.

"You can't honestly believe that," I say, walking towards him. 

"At the height of their powers they allowed Darth Sidious to rise, create the Empire and wipe them out," he hisses, looking up to meet my eyes. I pause in my steps at the anger swirling in his eyes. But it isn't directed at me. No, rather at the old Jedi Order who failed him. Who he think failed all of us. "It was a Jedi Master who was responsible for the training and creation of Darth Vader." His voice wavers at that, eyes dropping from mine to his reflection. 

"And a Jedi who saved him," I try after a moment, breaking the still air. "The most hated man in the Galaxy," I continue, taking light steps towards him. "And you saw conflict in him. You thought he could be turned." 

"I never did grow out of that," Luke sighs, raking a gnarled hand through his hair as I sit down beside him, arms folded on my knees. "That festering hope." He turns to face me, his blue eyes painted in regret, of a lostness. "Years ago, there was a child. The descendent of one of the most powerful Sith Lords the Galaxy has ever seen. The Resistance, my sister, made the call to eradicate the child."

"No," I breathe, shaking my head even though Luke's just recounting history. But by the way his hands are shaking against the stone, I can already hear the ending. 

"I tried to save the child," Luke continues, voice breaking. His gaze dips back to the still water, the mosaic Jedi staring up at us. "But I couldn't hide it. Snoke came and...well, he won." This must be why Han thought Snoke had killed Luke. But he survived. And it's been eating him for years.

"The child?" I dare to ask, biting the inside of my cheek as Luke shakes his head lightly, barely moving. We fall into an unwavering silence, and I tear my eyes away from Luke, holding my head in my hands. "I thought I could save her from him. From the Dark side. Like my father," he breathes after a moment. "I was foolish. I stopped teaching. Boarded up the academy, sent home all the children. Sent home Ben." He lets loose a shuddering sigh. "I know he's always resented me for it. Even though he despised the academy. I know he thinks I abandoned him. That I didn't believe in him. But honestly, Ben didn't cross my mind once." 

Running my hands over my head, I think about Ben. About the burning anger that sometimes slipped through his cracks, that no one else seemed to notice. Does it stem from this? From Luke shutting down the academy shortly after his father leaving him too? 

"Just because you couldn't save the child from dying at Snoke's hand," I say softly, hand on Luke's shoulder. "Doesn't mean people can't be saved." 

"No, Finn. The-"

"I understand what you're saying," I tell him as he straightens up, looking at me with his tired, weary face. "I see now that the old Jedi order wasn't truly like today's society claims it was. I understand. We don't need another Jedi order. Because...because there always needs to be a balance, right? You can't have the Light ruling over the Galaxy. That's not balance." 

"I was forced to shoulder the burden of the Jedis' failures," Luke says. "I will not pass that to you, Finn. This is why you must understand that they caused more harm than good." A soft smile spreads across his face as I nod slowly and he clasps his own hand over mine. "Your father was allowed to see the darkness," I admit. "But you still saved him. I think-I think that's still possible. I don't think everyone in the First Order is too far gone yet."

"Ah," he nods, grey hair falling in his face. "And who do you wish to save?"

"Kira Ren," I say, surprised at the calmness in my voice. 

"She tried to kill you," Luke points out, head tilting up at me. But he doesn't sound shocked at my answer. Actually, I swear some sort of familiarity and wistfulness appears on his aged features. "I watched her kill Han," I say, voice catching in my throat. "She was distressed. Looked down at her hands like she couldn't quite comprehend what she'd done."

"She had killed hundreds before him," he says, prodding at my argument. 

"I know," I murmur. "But I can sense it. I sense the good in her." The colour seems to fade from Luke as he smiles up at me, letting go of my hand.

"You will be a great Jedi, Finn." 

Ben

After me and Poe go over the plan for tomorrow, he pushes himself up from the couch. Yawning, he rubs the heel of his hands into his eyes. "It's pretty late," he says, checking the watch on his wrist. "I'm going to head to bed, I reckon," he tells me, pushing his tongue into his cheek. I nod, still checking over the route to Coruscant, but when he doesn't leave, I look over my shoulder, cocking my head at him. "What's wrong?" I ask, a small smile on my lips.

Poe frowns, thick brows knitting together as he tries to shrug it off. "Nothing's wrong." Arching an eyebrow at him, I fully turn around to face him, folding my arms. "I'm just worried about Finn," he admits, scratching the back of his neck. "And I know it's stupid and that he's probably fine." I nod, watching as he slumps against the wall. "I'm just worried, because...what if he comes back as a Jedi, and he can do all these incredible things. What if he can do what Kira can?"

"Isn't that what we want?" I ask, leaning forward in my seat.

"Yeah," he starts before he sighs, annoyed at himself. "It's just-what if he comes back and realises that he's _bigger_ than me. In every possible way."

"Well," I grin. "I don't know about every possible way." Poe rolls his eyes before he makes to leave. "Wait, wait," I call after him, jumping out of my seat. "Finn becoming a Jedi isn't going to change anything about him, alright?" I say, grasping his shoulders. "Trust me, he'll come back the same man. He might just be able to wield a saber now." Poe nods, but I can see in his eyes that he still doesn't believe me. "And you also haven't changed Dameron. You're still one hell of a pilot. Still the best looking person in the Resistance. He isn't going anywhere when he gets back, okay?" I ask, smiling as Poe finally nods, curls falling in his face. "Now, are you sure you want to sleep? 'Cause I'm pretty sure my dad's hidden stock of Isothane's still in the store room." 

But Poe just shakes his head, clapping me on the shoulder before he wishes me a goodnight. I watch as he continues on to my dad and Chewie's old room, stretching his back before he disappears around a corner. Sighing, I look back into the room, eyes falling on the navigation pad. Running my tongue over my teeth, I turn, heading down towards the storage room. Reaching down into the freezer, I grin when a barrel of Isothane beams back up at me. Hissing as the glasses meet my skin with an icy kiss, I bounce the barrel from hand to hand before I balance it on my knee. 

Dropping it onto the games table, I pull out a glass and drop down onto the couch. Before I can open it, the door slides open, and the sound of feet padding against the metal floor enters the room. Looking up, I expect to see Poe again, maybe he's changed his mind. But Kira stands in the threshold, arms wrapped around herself as she stares at me. She's still wearing my shirt, but the top buttons are undone, revealing her collarbones. She isn't wearing the cotton trousers, just her bare tanned legs, but this isn't an invitation. She's not throwing me a simpering grin. She's just watching me, eyes wide and jaw trembling slightly.

"Are you alright?" I finally remember how to speak, placing the glass down on the table. "Do you want better clothes to sleep in? I'm sure I could find something-" But she just shakes her head, hair dancing as she walks over, dropping onto the couch beside me. But she doesn't sit close to me. She keeps a full arms length between us as she reaches over to take a glass. 

I watch her, half still confused and half in awe, as she uncaps the glass with her teeth before pressing it to her lips. I love her lips. When they're painted in that red, when they're left natural, when they're puffy from kissing me. Crinkling her nose, she brings the glass away from her before she takes another sip. "Not to your taste?" I ask as I uncap my own glass against the table.

She shakes her head before she shrugs. "It's purpose isn't to taste nice."

"I suppose you're right," I nod before I drink my own and we both lean into the silence that surrounds us. She brings her knees into a basket as she settles into the couch, eyes staying on her lap. I don't ask her anything, just lean back into the couch as I silently drink. I can't help myself steal glances at her as the cold drink hits the back of my throat. She's so incredibly beautiful, it's almost gut wrenching. She isn't beautiful like Kay, with a kind, welcoming face, and bright, big eyes. No, Kira's all sharp lines and shards of glass. But she's beautiful. She might be the most beautiful person I've ever met. She's definitely the best kisser I've ever met. 

And the sex with her almost destroyed me. 

Throat bobbing, I tear my gaze away, finding myself incredibly interested in the ingredients on the barrel in front of me. 

"I couldn't sleep," she says after a couple of minutes, tracing the rim of the glass with her fingers. I nod understandingly, looking down at her as she shifts uncomfortably in her seat. "I lost my ship," she mutters, finally looking up to meet my eyes. "I broke the compressor and had to crash land on Hays Minor. That's where the troopers who attacked you came from. I overheard them speaking about you and chased after them. But I had to leave my ship behind. I loved my ship."

"You could still get it back," I say softly, trying to be optimistic. But she just snorts, shaking her head as she flicks her fingers against the glass.

"Snoke won't allow it," she sighs sadly. 

"I don't get it," I admit, brows rising. "He's cruel to you. A monster. Why do you put up with it? Why don't you just _leave_?"

"He isn't cruel, he's just..." she starts to object, but trails off when she realises there's no point in denying it. Not to me. "He's the only parental figure I've ever know, I suppose," she muses, taking another swig. "Every time he strikes me, or breaks a bone, I just shift the blame to myself. Because he's the one who saved me. He's the one who looked after me, cared for me."

"You're wrong about one thing," I say. "You saved yourself, Kira." That doesn't have the intended effect because she just laughs, head tipped back as she shakes her head. 

"Alright Solo," she laughs. "Thanks, but I don't think I'm going to take advice from you. You're the poster child for abandonment issues."

"Take that back," I growl, jaw clenching in anger. But Kira just keeps smiling, arching one brow at me.

"Ok, I'm sorry," she sighs dramatically, rolling her eyes as she flops back into the couch. "I'm sorry your father abandoned you and your mother sent you on this mission to get rid of you. Sounds like they really loved you, of course, you're right." I open my mouth to object, but I don't even know what I can say to that, because it's not like she's completely wrong. So I just finish my glass.

"I did that to you," I murmur, eyes dropping to the harsh scar that snakes down her neck and shoulder. I didn't notice it earlier today, too focused on how she'd felt with me, rather than the battle scars littering her body. She nods, and she stills when I reach down with my fingers. I pause when she breathes in, eyes falling onto my fingers, but she gives a tiny nod, and I start to trace my fingers down her scar. "I'm sorry," I breathe and Kira looks up at me, brown eyes wide. She doesn't say anything, but she leans into me slowly and tentatively. But when I don't object, she leans in further, pressing her head against my chest. I slowly place my arm around her and then I don't move. I don't move for hours, just listen to her soft breathing as my arm rises and falls with her body.


	18. Demotion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I don't even recognise you anymore, Ben."

Kira Ren

The pilot has rough hands. 

Scowling down at him, I jerk my leg as he tears the Bacta patch off of my thigh. He rolls his eyes before he prods the wound harshly. The dick's doing it on purpose. Grabbing the fresh patch from his hands, I turn away from him. "I can do it myself," I hiss, peeling the back off as he glares at me. 

"I bet you can," he nods sarcastically, dropping down to put away the medikit. When he stands back up, he sneers down at me, making to turn away. Pulling up my leathers, I shoulder my cloak around myself. It feels good to be back in my own clothes. Ben's felt too invasive. Too warm and soft against my skin.

"What's your fucking problem?" I ask Dameron as I drop down from the counter, landing with a soft thud. We're pretty much the same height, and it makes me grin as his eyes meet mine, swirling in pure hatred. 

"I don't have a specific problem," he shrugs, dark eyes narrowing. "I just don't like you. On a personal level." 

"Feeling's mutual," I snarl, nose crinkling. "You're not very gracious," I add, tilting my head at him. "I did save your life after all."

"Yeah, and you tried to kill my best friend and my-" he cuts himself off, spinning on his heels as a frustrated noise rips through his mouth. "I've actually been wondering about that," he suddenly says, glancing at me from over his shoulder. I arch my brow in question, watching as a shadow crosses over his face. "Why'd you do it?" he asks, tilting his head. "Why'd you save us? What game are you playing? Why'd you go back for the damned droid?" A harsh laugh almost rips through me at that. The droid I risked my life for. The droid Ben and Dameron still haven't got working yet.

"I don't play games, pilot," I grin, baring my teeth as I take a step towards him. Now we're barely an inch apart and I can practically taste his disgust from where I stand. "I just win," I breathe, biting my bottom lip. He stiffens before he walks back from me, lips curled. "You know you're only here because I trust Ben, right?" he says as he leans against the wall, shoving his hands into his dark trouser pockets. 

"I figured it wasn't because of my sparkling personality, yes," I sigh, rolling my eyes. 

"I don't know what you've done to him," the pilot whispers. It's so quiet I don't even know if he meant for me to hear. So I don't reply. I don't even know what he wants me to say. "He's...something's off," he says louder. "And I know you're not using the Force like Dakis claimed. But you've done something." His eyes shoot up to meet mine, and I just let a simpering grin spread across my lips. Let the pilot think I'm corrupting Solo's mind. Crink, I wish. Little does he know Solo won't even sleep with me without needing an excuse. "I can't wait for you to be off this ship," he shudders, like I'm physically repulsing him.

"Neither," I mutter, just as the door slides open and Ben walks in, Dakis at his side, chained and scowling. 

"We've landed," Ben says as he lightly nudges Dakis over to Dameron, who takes ahold of his cuffs. "Remember the plan?" he asks as he comes up to me. I just nod, lifting my hood over my head as we follow Dakis and Poe out the ship. The four of us walk off of the landing strip in silence, Dakis shooting me ugly frowns whenever I turn in his direction. Ignoring him, I tug my cloak further over me, covering my face from the public as we enter a more central street. Coruscant is allied with the Resistance, with the fallen Republic. I can't risk being seen. Not just yet.

"Be back in half an hour," Poe confirms with Ben as I wait at the side. I watch as Ben nods, hair falling in front of his face as he and his friend speak in hushed whispers. The pilot's dark eyes shoot towards me before he leaves, taking Dakis back to his home. Ben stays where he is until his friend disappears into the bustling crowd of people, then he turns back to me, a soft smile on his face.

"How's your leg?" he asks as we start to walk in the opposite direction. We head towards the Underworld, turning into the darker streets of the humming city. As we pass through a bustling retail street, my eyes linger over a tailors. Glancing back down at my torn and plain uniform, I clench my fingers into fists. I've always loved beautiful things. Especially clothes. But I can't afford to strut around in dresses made of star-dust, literally and metaphorically. Sometimes, when the Order holds galas, I'll watch from the beams, balancing on the metal as I watch everyone in their beautiful and expensive clothes twirl around. Someone shoulders my arm by mistake, knocking me out of my reverie.

"Fine," I answer Ben's question, hand instinctively shooting down to my thigh. "Healing." He nods, and I can feel his intelligent eyes scanning me from above, but I don't elaborate. He must be able to sense the storm over me, because he keeps his mouth shut. But I don't miss the hurt that flashes over his face. I bristle as we continue walking. I don't know what he thinks this is. Don't know what he thinks is going to happen here. 

As we reach the entrance to the Underworld of Coruscant, we both pause. Glancing down the staircase, the dingy, neon lights from the lower city glares up at me. It teems with mutants, thugs and criminals. I've only been down there before once. And it was so disgusting I vowed never to go back. And yet here I am. 

Ben places a gentle hand on my shoulder, and sighing, I offer out my wrists. Clamping the heavy stun-cuffs around me, Ben offers me an apologetic smile. I don't say anything, just turn and start to walk down the thousands of rickety stairs that lead down into the city beneath the planet. Glancing over the side of the stairs, my stomach squeezes. They say there's more than five thousand levels beneath Coruscant. Scowling, I straighten up and continue down, even though I start to keep an eye on where I place my feet.

As the cuffs nip at my wrists, I''m once again reminded what's happening right now. Solo's stupid fucking plan. I've never heard an idea that I hated more than this one. It's demeaning. And unbelievable. Who would ever think that Ben Solo and a crappy Resistance pilot managed to capture me? Stupid bastard. I should never have agreed to this. To Ben selling me back to the First Order through a slimy smuggler in the Coruscant underworld.

Snorting as I remember how fucking stupid this is, and how much of an imbecile Solo is for coming up with it, I continue to storm down the stairs. "You walk so fast," Ben huffs as he catches up with me. I just shoot him a glance through narrowed eyes and he nods in surrender, clamping his mouth firmly shut. Nose crinkling, a hideous stench starts to reach us as we get closer to the first level of the Underground. Beside me, Ben gags into the crook of his elbow, eyes watering. 

When we reach the bottom of the stairs, I roll my shoulders back. I watch as Ben starts pressing forward, the neon signs casting bright light over his face. Alright. Here we go. Let's hope Solo is as stupid and trusting as he makes himself out to be. "Wait," I start, placing my hands on his chest to stop him. "I saw something down there," I tell him, gesturing to behind one of the Underground's many cantinas. 

"It's probably nothing," he says, shaking his head as he shakes my hands off of him. "We can't be late, Kira."

"I'm telling you," I snarl, refusing to move. "I saw something." I need to get him away from all these people. Glancing around us, I watch the passing criminals and thieves glare at us as we block the middle of the road. Shuddering under my cloak, I tug on his sleeve. "Trust me, Ben." His face softens at my words, and if I had one I think my heart would crack at that. As I follow him behind the building, my fingers trace my saber's hilt. 

"There's no one-" The hiss of my weapon echoes around the dingy lane, and I watch as Ben's shoulders cave as he realises what's happening. He turns around, hair falling in his face as he looks down at me with tired eyes. "Are you going to kill me?" he asks calmly as he takes in the saber crackling in my hands, and the discarded cuffs at my feet. He doesn't appear panicked, or even really surprised, but emotion flashes over his eyes as they meet mine. I shake my head slowly, and the hood falls down with it. "I wouldn't kill you," I admit breathlessly, replaying his words from yesterday on my tongue. 

"Then what are you doing?" he asks, taking a step towards me, arms outstretched. I slash the saber out in front of me, giving him a warning as the weapon lights up the area. His brows knit together, but he stays where he is. "Your plan is stupid," I shrug, watching as his shoulders tense. 

"My plan gives you an excuse, an alibi," he argues, shakily pushing his hair out from his face, tucking it behind an ear. "Snoke won't kill you if he thinks we captured you, don't you see that?" he cries out in frustration. Before I can respond, someone pushes a window beside us wide open, the sounds of the cantina floating out into the alley. I straighten up as the sound of music and glasses clinking together surround us both, giving our voices cover. 

"I don't need an excuse," I snarl out, keeping my saber pointed at Ben. "I can't hide _anything_ from Snoke. Even if I went through with your pitiful excuse of a plan, it would make everything so much worse. You don't understand, Solo," I sigh, rubbing the bridge of my nose. He's so naive. 

"So what happens now?" he asks after a moment of silence, leaning against the wall as he watches me carefully, eyes concentrated on the twirling saber in my hands. 

"You stay here," I say, gesturing to where he stands with my saber. "I get a ship and go back to Snoke."

"And then we kill each other on a battlefield in a couple months," he breathes, eyes dropping as he kicks at the dry, dirt ground with his scuffed boots. 

"It doesn't have to come to that," I whisper, slowly reaching out my hand. I don't say anything else, just let the silent offer hang in the still air. Ben doesn't say anything either, but he tentatively pushes himself off of the wall, taking a small step towards me. I deactivate my saber, slinging it on my belt as I look up at him with wide eyes. I swear consideration sneaks up on his face for a moment, and he looks up at me with quickened breaths. But then he doesn't speak and he doesn't take my hand. Slowly nodding, I let my cold hand fall to my side.

"Before I go," I say, fidgeting as I wince up at him. "There's something I have to tell you." 

Ben

I jump out of the cockpit as soon as the Falcon lands back down on the Klosslands, Poe wincing as he navigates us down, dodging the Broadleaf trees. Vaulting over my seat, I ignore Poe as he calls my name. Skirting past the droid, I slide down, practically falling out of the ship as the ramp lowers. The only thing I can focus on is how Kira had looked when she'd told me. The shame and hatred that had coursed across her beautiful features. The slight resentment aimed at me, at where I stand on the battlefield.

"Colonel?" The soldiers who are stationed at the landing clearing lower their blasters as they make towards me. "Are you alright?"

"Do you know where General Organa is?" Is all I ask, dusting the dirt off my trousers. 

"No, sorry Sir," they say, looking at each other with confused faces. "Is it urgent?" I shake my head, saluting them before I press on, jogging up to the main base. The doors open as I come closer, and I just keep running. Turning into a main hangar, my eyes fall on Major Brance, talking to a pilot as he writes down on a datapad. "Brance," I yell as I run up towards him. He looks slightly affronted by the way I call his name, but he smiles nonetheless as I come up beside him. 

"Colonel Solo," he nods. "How was your mission to find the-"

"Where's the General?" I ask, slightly breathless. 

"I do believe she's in a holographic conference currently. But she should be in her office. Why do you-" I don't stick around to hear the rest of his question. Running through the caves' tight halls, my breathing is ragged by the time I end up in front of my mother's office. Shouldering the door open, I'm met with her face, firstly annoyed, then surprised, then annoyed again. 

"I'm in a meeting, Ben," she says, vexed smile on her face as she gestures to the holographic people on her table. I don't recognise any of them, another crushing reminder that I really have no idea what I'm doing here. What any of us are doing here. "How could you?" I ask, slamming my fists down on her desk. She gasps slightly, and her eyes grow wide before she grabs onto my wrist, staring up at me. "Ben," she starts, voice calm. I shake my head, tugging my hand out of her grip. "Gentlemen, you must excuse me," she says, turning towards the hologram before she switches it off. And then it's just us.

"Ben, what is-"

"You tried to kill a child," I exclaim, taking a step back from her as she stands up. Her throat bobs as she realises what I'm talking about. She shakes her head lightly, opening her mouth to speak, to placate me, but I cut her off. "How could you? How could you order for the execution of a five year old? I-I thought it was the Republic, but it was you. Your orders!"

She doesn't react to my harsh, accusing words. She just takes careful steps around her desk, manoeuvring herself closer to me. "I take it she didn't tell you who she is. Who she truly is."

"No, she did," I breathe, eyes glancing at the floor. She'd looked pained as she'd told me. I'm a Palpatine, Ben, she had muttered, jaw quivering. "I know who she is," I say, voice louder, as I meet my mother's eyes. Disappointment glares back at me.

"So, you see why I had to make that order," she tries, tilting her head at me. "Ben, her parents were spies. Look at what she has become! I was only trying to prevent that."

"No," I spit, chest heaving. "You tried to kill an innocent child. She had nothing to do with her parents being spies. She was a fucking five year old."

"She was, _is_ , a Palpatine!" she objects, hands pressed against her chest like I've wounded her.

"And we're Skywalkers." I let the declaration hang in the air, the recount of my grandfather's atrocities setting the oxygen in the room on fire. "Your bloodline does not make you," I say, jaw clenching. "You made that order on what she could be. On what you thought would be the worst possible outcome."

"And I was right," she growls, slamming a fist on the desk.

"No," I shake my head. I point an accusing finger at my mother, arm shaking. "You caused this." Her lips part in shock, but she doesn't speak for a moment. Then an annoyed noise rips through her and she storms over to me, pointing her own finger at my chest.

"She turned out to be a crazed, murderous, blood thirsty butcher." She digs her finger into me. "And you have let her convince you otherwise. Who she is now has nothing to do with an order I made fifteen years ago."

"Snoke found her because of you!" I object as she turns back to her desk. "Her parents were keeping her safe. Maybe they were trying their best to hide her from him. Hide her from what she could become." I bare my teeth as Kira's face flashes over my mind. "As soon as the first Resistance ship shot at her, you sent up a beacon for Snoke. You let him take her."

"Rey Arrar is nothing but a pawn for the Dark Side!" she yells, brown eyes wide and painted in anger. "The Force set out her course as soon as she was born. How dare you put that on me!" When I don't respond, she lets a deep sigh escape her, before she looks up at me. Stumbling back, I slump against a bookshelf, grabbing onto the surface. _Rey_. 

Suddenly something clicks in my mind, and I'm overwhelmed with emotion. Grabbing my head, I hiss out as a firework of pain erupts in my mind. Knees buckling, images flash across my head, so many I can barely make any of them out properly. _A woman cradling a child, pressing a kiss across its forehead as she whispers Rey against its soft skin. The child laughing, big brown eyes full of joy. Kira from months ago, clad in her old mask and cape. 'You could've been great, Rey,' someone says, an old, tired voice. Kira's saber screaming in rage. Kira, wearing a soft tunic of beige as she sits against a window. Her hair is long again, tumbling down to her waist. Her eyes are wide as she looks towards me, smiling sweetly when a voice calls her name. 'Rey.' My voice. I call her name._

"Ben!" Squinting, I look up to see Poe and my mother standing over me. 

"What happened?" I ask as I push them off of me, standing up on my own.

"You passed out for a couple of minutes. Poe here entered my office as soon as you collapsed," my mother says, watching me with narrowed eyes. Poe asks if I'm okay as my mother circles her way back to the desk, lowering herself down into the seat. "She didn't tell you through your Force bond," she muses, looking up at me as Poe glances from me to her, face a cast of confusion. I just nod, keeping my mouth firmly shut.

"What Force bond?" Poe asks, brows knitting together. "With who? Why..." he trails off as he meets my eyes, figuring it out quickly. "Holy shit," he mutters, letting go off my shoulder as his hands clasps his forehead. "So how did she tell you?" she asks, narrowing her eyes. I don't respond, just straighten my back and look down at her, the answer written clearly across my face. Beside me, Poe winces, clasping his shaking hands.

"You are both demoted." Poe cries out from beside me in anguish. "You both have jeopardised this Resistance and your mission."

"Poe didn't know," I answer back quickly, holding out a hand in front of Poe as he takes an angry step forward. "I...I used the Force on him. So he wouldn't be in my way. In me and Kira's way." Poe gasps out from beside me, and I can feel his dark eyes burning into me. He tugs on my sleeve discreetly, silently asking me to stop lying. I know he won't like me lying to cover for him. But I'd rather die than let Poe be demoted for something I made him do. He didn't want Kira on the ship. Wanted her out. I just convinced him otherwise. I just didn't use the Force.

"How could you?" Leia asks, face pained as her eyes water. "I don't even recognise you anymore, Ben."

I shrug, slinging my hands in my pockets. "I'm the same person I've always been, Mother. You just never really looked." 

Shaking her head, she takes a deep breath in, shaking her head back as she quickly wipes her eyes. "You are no longer a Colonel. You are now just a pilot and soldier. You will be placed in Dameron's squadron. And if you place one toe out of line, or place this Resistance in harm again, your friend will be the one demoted on your behalf." When she finishes speaking, she turns back to her desk, gesturing with her hand for us to leave. 

When the door clicks shut behind us, Poe reaches out for my arm. Shaking my head, I shrug him off, shooting him an apologetic smile before I walk off. Finally reaching my room, I drop down onto my bunk, sighing when the door is slid open. "Poe, I'm fine, I just need..." I trail off when R9 comes into my peripheral vision, beeping angrily. "Hey buddy," I murmur, patting the droid's head. "Yeah. Just a soldier now. Just a soldier."


	19. Sweet, Tragic Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Perhaps you thought you were returning to your execution?

Kira Ren

The troopers dig their blasters into my back when I pause in front of the turbo-lift. Throat bobbing, I hang my head and continue on. Again, my wrists are chained up. But my saber isn't at my side this time. I'm not being escorted by Ben Solo. 

Eyes glancing to my side, I watch as the trooper flicks my saber with his finger. "Don't touch my-" I cry out in pain when the cuffs around me send electricity coursing through my veins. Panting heavily, my knees threaten to buckle, but the trooper to my left catches me, lowering his blaster slightly. I could reach out and try to grab it from him. I could try and use the Force. Could suffocate them where they stand. But what would it matter? One against the thousands of troopers on board. One against Snoke.

"Hurry her up," the one on the right barks, roughly shoving me into the lift. They flank me, blasters up and ready the whole time the lift lurches beneath us. Then the door slides open, and fear seizes me. I've never felt such immense terror as I do now, when I meet Snoke's eyes from across the room. His Praetorian Guard surrounds him like always, but a new energy surrounds them. I glance at one and watch in horror as their fingers tighten around their blade, lowering it down to aim at my chest.

Snoke doesn't speak instantly, blue eyes twitching in rage, just lifts one finger. I don't move, body frozen as my legs start to tremble. This is it. This is how I die.

The troopers push me forward and my feet start to move, dragging across the floor. When we reach Snoke, one of them pushes me to my knees, and I bite back a yelp of pain. "You took out a dozen TIEs by yourself," he says, voice low and guttural. I nod tentatively, palms spread out on the floor. "How?" he asks, head tilting as he looks at me.

"Combustion," I breathe, head ducking as I remember the blast of the ships exploding, pushing me across the rocky landscape. 

"Despite the situation," Snoke starts, fingers tapping rhythmically on his armrest. "I am impressed." Lips parting in confusion, I look up, surprised when I see him smiling. "Your powers...they are immense, my young apprentice." 

"I-thank you, my lord," I stutter, slowly sitting up. "I thought you would be-" Snoke cuts me off, hand rising as something clenches tightly around my neck. Trying to gasp out, I claw at my throat as I'm lifted into the air, legs dangling. "You thought I would be what?" he growls, bringing me closer towards him as he tightens his hold around my throat. Purple starts to streak my vision. "That I would be disappointed by your betrayal? That I would be angry? Perhaps you thought you were returning to your execution? Oh no, my dear. It will be much worse than that. By the time I am finished with you, you will beg me for death." 

Burning tears of regret and frustration roll down my face, clinging to my jaw as I fruitlessly struggle against his grip. As everything around me starts to fade, all I can see is Ben. His dark eyes and the way they'd danced when I kissed him. The way his hands had felt against my skin, like he was setting me aflame. Like he was making me anew. 

Snoke makes a surprised sound of glee when I drop from his hold, hurtling to the floor from ten feet in the air. He doesn't catch me, and I hit the floor with a sickening snapping sound. I yell out in pain as I feel the bones in my leg shatter. I go to clutch at the broken limb, but even the slight touch sends a sharp pain across my leg. I resist the urge to collapse onto the floor as Snoke rises from his chair. With each step he takes towards me, I whimper, clutching at my hair. He bends down beside me, golden robe dancing around his legs.

Fingers twitching, he laughs loudly as he presses them against my head. In a weak protest, I try to push him away, knowing what he's attempting to do. "No," I whimper weakly when he slams his boots onto my wrists, keeping them against the floor. I cry out in pain when he cleaves my mind in two. My brain is set on fire, burning me from the inside out. I can feel my blood boiling inside of me. When he lets go, I can't remember my own name.

Rolling over onto my side, I puke up everything in my guts. "Pathetic," Snoke sighs, straightening up as he glares down at me. "Now, my little apprentice, how about you tell me all about Ben Solo?" I shake my head as his name clangs around in my brain. Not Ben. He can't find out about the bond. He'll execute us both if he realises. He'll kill Ben. He'll force me to watch.

"There's...nothing to...tell," I croak out, voice not sounding like my own as I claw at the floor, attempting to stand up. 

"Liar," Snoke hisses, a grin slithering onto his face. My own face crumbles as I realise he already knows. He already knows everything. "Sweet, tragic, Kira Ren," he sighs and I watch from the floor as he slowly walks back up to his seat. "You thought you had something special with him, did you? You made up in your head that you were a dyad?" I keep shaking my head, trying to push myself up onto my wobbly feet. But every time I try, my arms buckle, and I crash against the floor again. "It was all me, Rey," he whispers from where he is, using the Force to project his voice to me. 

Head still shaking, I look up at him with narrowed eyes. "You don't believe me," he muses. "Well," he shrugs, fingers curling into a fist. "It was me. You know it deep down. You thought he might love you?" he asks, smile cruel and mocking. My eyes fall to the floor.

"You're lying!" I bark out, chest rising and falling quickly. 

"No," he murmurs. "You're lying to yourself, my dear. I created the bond between you when you were but children. I knew Solo would play a key part in this war. And I needed a way to get to him. Needed a way to end him. And you, Rey Arrar," he grins, his ugly face beaming down at me. I hate the way he says my name. It makes me want to scream out. But I can't do anything. I can't move. Can't speak. I'm dying. It's the only explanation. I can't breathe.

"Are going to be the one who kills him for me."

My mind shatters, screaming out in pain as I shiver on the floor, bones broken, skin slit and mind cleaved in two. I'm vaguely aware of Snoke walking past me as I helplessly writher on the floor. I'm also vaguely aware of him signalling to his guards. I let a small sigh escape me as Snoke leaves the room, assuming his guards are going to follow him. But they stop beside me, one of them slamming their blade into the floor beside me, grazing the skin of my nose. I barely have time to feel the fear before I feel fire racing up my back, skin tearing. Then all I can feel is pain.

Ben

I sit up in my bed, shirt drenched in sweat. Chest rising and falling quickly, I glance over at Poe in the bunk beside me, sleeping soundly. Shaking my head, I kick off my covers as R9 glides over to me. "I'm fine," I tell him. "Was just a nightmare. I couldn't..." I trail off, unable to explain the nightmare. It was more just a feeling. Like I couldn't breathe. Like I was both drowning and burning at the same time. "I'm going to take a walk," I mutter, patting the droid before I shoulder the door open, bare feet padding against the rocky floors. 

Rolling my shoulders back, I find myself wandering into the greenhouse, running my fingers over the foliage. The golden bask from the lights hanging above dance down onto the plants. I yawn, rubbing my hands across my face, before it hits me. A sharp pain slashes across my heart, and I sink to the floor, gasping out in pain. Gripping at my chest, I wince, squinting up as the light becomes overbearing. The pain starts to subdue, and I manage to clamber to my feet, grabbing onto a shelf. But then something much worse happens. 

Kira starts to flicker into sight. And I realise where the pain was coming from. What the stem of the nightmare was. It was her. 

"Kira?" I breathe, making to run towards her. She's sitting down in a shower, water lightly spraying her as she clutches her legs to her chest. The sight of her makes my heart squeeze. Angry lines of pink and red run down her body. Crusted blood litters her whole body. Her skin is pale, and I watch as she sobs into her arms. "Kira!" I shout out again, stopping when I run into some sort of invisible wall. "Kira!" I scream, pounding against the shield. She doesn't seem to realise that I'm here as the water continues to hit her, dark hair hanging in wet clumps around her face. 

I crumble against the shield, needing to help her somehow. I knew Snoke wouldn't welcome her back with open arms, but this...I never expected this. She looks broken, so different from the mighty Commander who took down a dozen TIEs by herself. She looks like a wilted flower, dying and grey. Her forehead's been split open, skin stained crimson. Fists hitting the shield, I watch as she lies her head against her knees, and the sight of her back flies through me like a punch. 

It's like she's been whipped, slim, fleshy wounds carved across her back. Bile rises in my throat as I slip to the ground, hands pressing against the invisible barrier. Hanging my head, I try to call through the bond, but something's wrong. Where there used to be this endless bridge, connecting us together, there's just a thick wall. It's like the bonds been cut off. Head rising, I let my fingers fall down to my side before the words tumble out of my mouth before I even realise.

And instantly, Kira sits up, head snapping in my direction, eyes wide. A relieved grin dances on my face as I reach out towards her. But she just shakes her head slowly, and my smile falters. Before I can ask if she's alright, something tries to snatch at the bond, at us. Like long, spindling nails, it scratches against my mind. Crying out in anguish, I slam up my mental shields, panting as the creature retreats, hissing in my ear. 

Looking back to Kira, all I can do is shake my head desperately as she starts to blink out of focus. I'm sorry, she mouths, lips pale. And then she's gone. 

Kira Ren

My breathing hitches when I hear his voice. At first I think I'm imagining it. Because there's no way he'd be able to get through the shields. I don't even remember throwing them up, but I must've done it as the Praetorians tortured me. Because as soon as they let me go, leaving me to bleed out on the floor, I went to place the shields up, to keep Ben far far away from this, but they were already up. Even though I couldn't focus on anything, even as my skin was set on fire, instinctively I must have reached out for him, pushing him safely away. 

And yet, his voice is so clear. And then he says something that makes my heart split. 

"Rey, please. Let me help you."

My head instinctively turns, and I nearly sob at the sight of him. He's on his knees, arms outstretched. I'm not even sure if this is real or not. But if it is, Snoke will know. He'll use me against him, force me to kill him. Shoulders quivering, I shake my head, desperately trying to pull away from him, trying to shove him out. Please, I beg. I don't know if I'm actually screaming or if it's just in my head. But it's loud and it hurts. It pulls at every muscle in my body, tearing at me.

Then I realise what's happening. Snoke.

With an angry growl, I shove him out of my mind, fingers grasping at the tiled floor. Then, I shove Ben out. His dark eyes beg me to not, and he shakes his head lightly, arms still reached out. His hair falls in his face as he cries out, face painted in frustration and pain. Tears well up on my eyes as he starts to disappear. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.


	20. Sky on Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Next stop, Ladarra."

Kira Ren

The sun bathes my skin in soft golden rays. Smiling down at the long grass, I run my hands over my arms. My arms are soft, like they've never even been touched. The blue sky above me is endless, constantly swirling out further and further. I take small steps further into the field of green waves. Bending down, I brush my fingers over the vegetable patch, laughing lightly as a little sprout bursts up. We just planted them the other day, and they're already sprouting.

Walking deeper into the field, I stand on a hill. A winding, whispering tree of golden leaves stands beside me, branches dancing into the sky. I watch as Ben chases our child through the field, arms outstretched as he grabs him. The child roars with laughter, head thrown back. As I watch them play, Ben spots me, eyes brightening. He throws me that smile, and I take a step forward, ready to join them.

But then a tendril of uneasiness unfurls in my gut. The child's laughter carries up towards me, encompassing me. Why can't I remember our son's name? Brows kitting, I hold my head in my hands, legs feeling weak. I stumble, leaning against the golden oak for support. Why can't I remember his name? I named him. Five years ago, when I gave birth to him in our cottage. I _named_ him.

I held him in my arms, whispering his name as he slept. I iced his name on his birthday cake last week. Tears cling to my jaw as I grab onto the tree's branches. Why can't I remember his name? Shaking my head, I stumble forward, trying to make my way towards my husband and son. But they're gone. "Ben?" I scream, cupping my hands to my mouth. "Ben?" But as I try to run towards the field, something catches me around my throat. 

The tree's branches swim around my neck, up to my chin before they drag me back. Gasping out for breath, I claw at the bark, trying to pull free. But then the tree is lifting me up into the air, and my legs are dangling and I can't see anything and why can't I remember his name?

My eyes fly open as I gasp loudly, Snoke sitting in front of me. His eyes narrow as tears fall down my face. I'm hovering in the air, but I'm not being choked this time. I let my head flop to the side as I dangle in front of Snoke. I don't even know how long this has been happening for. It feels like years. I can't even remember what is real and what isn't anymore. The days I spent with Ben on the Falcon have mixed into the times I've married him, or he's died, or I've died or he's killed me. I can't remember what's real. None of it seems real. I don't think I want any of it to be real anymore. I just want this all to end. Please, someone, anyone, let this end.

"This'll end," Snoke murmurs, as if he can hear my thoughts, his fingers digging into my chin as he summons me closer towards him. "When you tell me where the Jedi is." I try and shake my head, but his fingers dig in deeper, nails breaking my skin. I feel the blood slowly curl down my neck. Then everything fades to darkness again. 

Finn

"This is hopeless," I sigh after the rock falls out of my grip, the Force around me weakening. I've been sitting up on this damned cliffside for hours, desperately trying to lift various rocks and pebbles. Master Luke hums from beside me before the rock starts to rise again, this time not wavering. I turn to Master Luke, frowning as I see his hand up and clasped into a fist. 

"You just need to keep practising, kid," he smiles sympathetically, and the rock shatters in the air. My shoulders slump as the pieces fall to the ground. Shaking my head, my palm stretched out against the rock I'm perched on. "I can feel it," I tell him, eyes wide. I need him to believe that I can at least do that. "It's just not... _clicking_ ," I growl, fingers digging into the rock, nails scratching. Frustration and the fear of failure builds up in my blood. I can't fail the Resistance. I _won't_. They need me to help end this war. And I can't even lift a blasted pebble into the sky.

Master Luke muses from beside me, a hand falling on my shoulder. I arch an eyebrow as I look up to find him scratching his jaw, brows knotted as he gazes into the horizon. His thinking face. It's almost eerily similar to the way Ben's face contorts when he flies a ship. "I may have an idea," he says, eyes snapping towards me as a smirk flies up onto his face. I don't think I like the sound of that. 

*

As I watch Rose climb up into my starfighter, I fold my arms. Yeah, I really don't like the sound of this. Glancing down at the heavy saber in my hands, something in me lurches. 

"Are you sure I'm ready for this, Master?" I ask, turning to find Master Luke behind me, arms clasped in front of him. He arches a brow as he walks over to me, robes trailing along the ground. "It is not I who must be certain," he says, shooting me a half smile. "You will find the old Jedi's saber on Ladarra," he says as he watches me carefully. "And you will succeed in bringing it back to me. And in the..." he pauses, shrugging lightly as he places a hand on my back, guiding me towards the ship. " _Trying_ circumstances of sneaking through a planet held by the First Order, your powers will hopefully trigger of their own accord."

"Where did you learn this technique, Master?" I ask cautiously, slinging the saber at my side, the weight feeling comforting. At least I can use this thing properly now. 

"Well," he starts, a nostalgic look settling over his face. "It worked for me." I laugh, but before I can say anything else, or ask him about it, he's lightly pushing me forward. 

"I'll see you soon, Master," I call back to him as I leap down the rocky hill, jogging towards the ship. I shoot him a small salute as I clamber up onto the ramp. He nods slowly, placing his hands behind his back after he salutes us back. I pause for a couple of moments after the ramp closes, before I jump down into the cockpit, Rose in the seat above me. 

"I still don't think this is a good idea," I mutter as I prepare the ship, every flick switched feeling like a step closer to danger. 

"Master Luke wouldn't send me along if he didn't have confidence in you," Rose points out as she buckles herself in, the flicking of the switches behind me harmonising with her hums of laughter. "So you're a warranty," I say, trying not to wince. "That's a comforting thought." She just lightly kicks me as a response. Rubbing the back of my head, I roll my eyes before I grip the accelerator. "I don't think I'm ready to leave this place," I add before I pull on it, the ship slowly quickly into the air.

"We'll be back," Rose objects, placing her hand on the window as we both gaze back at Master Luke. The engine roars, but Luke doesn't wait for us to leave. Before we've barely even left the island's surface, our master is turning around, making his way back up the cliffside. "Alright," I nod, the acceleration of the ship pushing me back into my seat. "Mark a route towards the Pinooran Spur hyperspace track," I tell Rose. "Next stop, Ladarra."

Kira Ren

I hiss under my breath as I tug at the cuffs around my wrists. But the harder I fight, the tighter they seem to get. I try to reach out with the Force, to grab onto anything, to try anything, but I can't. My body's too broken. I can barely breathe, let alone pull on the Force. Sighing, I hang my head, eyes tired. I feel so _drained_. I was taught about burning yourself out, but I never really thought it would happen to me. But I guess taking out a dozen ships and then being tortured will burn anyone out.

"This isn't real," I tell myself, scanning my surroundings for any evidence that this is a lie. Another dream Snoke's forced me into. Another deception. But I can barely see anything. Darkness surrounds me, blinding my eyes. Trying to reach out with my hands, I'm met with smooth metal. Snoke's throne room? This _is_ real. Letting loose a small sigh, I let my body relax, muscles groaning. This is real. My sleepy eyes flutter shut, physically unable to stay open anymore. 

As soon as they shut, the metal surface beneath me vanishes, and I'm free falling. Screaming out, my body flails as I tumble towards what seems to be lava. Crying out for help, I squeeze my eyes shut, ready to be met with the inevitable flames. But it never comes. 

Opening one eye at a time, I frown down at the burned ground I'm now on. Running my hand over it, I bring my fingers up, painted in ash. Stumps of old, burned trees surround me, their spindly trunks reaching up to the sky of burning red. "The sky's on fire," I breathe, pushing myself up to my feet, I find that my body works normally. Nothing screams out in pain as I stand. Glancing down at my arms, the bones don't appear to be broken. "Not real," I mutter, trying to focus on the pain I had felt as they'd tortured me. Pain's the best anchor. The only anchor. 

Looking down to my side, my hand instinctively reaches out for my saber, but it isn't there. Just a plain leather belt. I blink down when I realise I'm wearing an outfit of grey, two sashes flying against my legs. I tug at the tunic, realising as ash falls from it that it's actually white. Snarling, I drop the fabric and start to walk forward.

As I make my way through the dreamscape of destruction, I pass through the crisped forest and find myself on a cliffside. Seas of hissing flames roar down below me. And further out, a building of some sort. Dark towers reach above the mountains of ash and rocks. Curiosity tugging at me, I make to step out towards the structure, towards the flames. But then a voice behind me speaks, freezing me in my tracks. 

Turning, I find a woman there, completely unbothered by our barren landscape. Her beauty is the first thing I notice. Light brown hair falls down to her shoulders, curls perfectly framing her face. Flowers are plaited into her hair, making her look like a goddess. Maybe she is. She can't be that much older than me, but her dark eyes, they hold so much pain and suffering. She looks so familiar, and yet I can't place it. "Do I know you?" I ask as she clasps her hands in front of her, the pale blue sleeves of her dress floating in the slight wind. 

She shakes her head, hair bouncing. "No, my child, you do not." She holds out an elegant hand, and I blink down at the flowers that intertwine her fingers. I reach out, I slip my own hand into hers before she smiles up at me, other hand coming up to gently cup my face. Then she leans in, as if she's about to hug me, but she doesn't let go of my hand. "You are not your grandfather," she tells me, pink lips whispering against my ear. 

"How did you-" I go to ask, making to tear myself away from her. But she clasps onto my hand tighter, eyes widening as she lifts a finger to her lips. 

"He is listening," she breathes, voice stern. _Snoke_. My heart thuds against my ribcage as panic seizes me. "You cannot let him win," she tells me, still a picture of unwavering calmness, brown eyes swirling with warning. "You must not give him my grandson."

"Your..." I trail off before I grab her other hand, squeezing it in my own. This is Ben's grandmother. "Senator Amidala," I breathe, eyes flickering down to our joined hands as the flowers start to twine their way up my own arms. Padmé smiles softly, but tears line her aged eyes. "You must not give him Ben, my child," she murmurs softly, and before I even realise my own eyes have betrayed me, Padmé's wiping away my tears before they can fall onto the burned ground.

"I can't," I tell her, shaking my head. "I don't even know what's a dream and what isn't. I don't have control over it." Padmé's face hardens at that, brows knitting together as she lifts my chin up so I meet her face. "You always have control, my dear. _Always_." And with that, her head turns to the side, lips pressing into a firm line before she faces me again. "He is coming. I must leave you. Please," she pleads, voice laced with emotion, hand against my cheek. "You must be strong, Rey."

Eyes snapping open, I grit my teeth when I see Snoke approaching me. I'm in his throne room again, able to see it now. "My patience is thinning, apprentice," he hisses and I gasp out when I'm thrown up into the air, limbs flailing. Squeezing my eyes shut, I burrow down into myself, focusing only on the pain that rips through me. This is real. I am real.

"I do not know where he is," I bark out, fingers clenching into fists. My nails dig into my palms. I keep digging as Snoke snarls, holding me straight up as he brings me towards him. Blood drips down into my fingers when he lets me fall down to the floor, forcing me to kneel before him. "But," I manage to grit out before he kills me, heart squeezing. "I have a plan to find him."

Snoke completely lets go of me at that, and I almost topple over myself. But I keep on my knee, arms out to keep balance. "And what might that be?" he asks as he leans forward, fingers tapping against his knees. Chest rising and falling rapidly, I see Padmé in my mind as the plan to capture Ben forms quickly in my mind. But I cast her out, fingers letting go off my palms as I bow my head for Snoke.

"He will do whatever I tell him, Master," I breathe, glaring down at the floor. "I only have to ask him."


	21. The Ellstree Bar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "They're going to kill me, Ben. I can't...I can't last much longer. Please."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this one's so long, there was just so much to get through this chapter :)

Ben

"Alright, Golden One, come in." Poe's voice comes out from my transmitter, filling my ship. My Y-wing assault Starfighter slowly cruises through space, in formation with the rest of the squadron. Jaw clenched, I anxiously tap my fingers against the screen, watching as the navigation picks up on the other ships around me. This is literally the last place I want to be right now. All I can think about is Kira Ren, lying broken in a refresher, and the spy in our base.

"This is incredibly futile," I hiss to R9, who's sitting up in the Astromech droid slot. "We all know the formations," I sigh, falling into my seat. "I don't get why we have to rehearse them. It's not like we ever keep formation in battle anyway," I roll my eyes as R9 beeps back that I need the practise.

"Do I fuck," I scowl, turning around to glare up at him. "We've got much bigger issues at hand," I tell him. "Like the spy infiltrating our ranks?" I scoff, lips pursed when R9 reminds me that the spy is no longer any of my concern. "Yeah, thanks for the reminder," I sigh, turning back around just in time to hear Poe call my number. "Golden Seven, in," I say, voice tight before Poe continues to check in on the rest of the squadron. 

"Fall back," he commands us suddenly, his own ship starting to retreat. "I'm picking up an enemy ship. Fall back!" Sitting up, I lean forward in my chair, breath hitching as a First Order ship flies in from hyperspace. "Wait," I yell out, grabbing the transmitter. "That's a medical carrier. A BFF-1 bulk freighter," I tell Poe. "We can take it out easily."

"It's too risky," another pilot shoots back, voice metallic through the device in my hands.

" _Poe_ ," I plead as the ship starts to storm towards us, cannons moving into place. A moment of silence passes, and I hang my head, fingers ready on the hyperdrive for a retreat.

"We can't retreat." I sit up as Poe speaks, a grin spreading across my face. "We can't risk them tracking us to Ajan Kloss. We need to stay here, take it out, then leave."

"But Commander," I hear Jess object. "It's a _medical_ carrier. There are injured troopers on there, we don't need to attack dying men."

"Let's just make sure they're dead men," I shoot back, dropping the transmitter as I flick forward my own cannon before passing the control to R9. "Alright buddy," I say, cracking my knuckles. "Let's give them hell."

"Over under formation," Poe orders before we all start to shoot forward, half of the ships falling back. Strapping my helmet on firmly, I let out a loose breath before I follow Poe's ship. "We've got to take out their cannons and their hyperdrive system," Poe says, and I can hear the edge in his voice. "Gold One to Eight, take the cannons. The rest take the hyperdrive."

Murmuring back my acknowledgment of the command, I push forward, R9 shooting at the ship as we sail past. Swooping down to avoid the freighter's shots, I let out a laugh. "Been a while since we've done this," I murmur to R9 as he takes out one of their cannons, the frighted lulling the the side for a moment before it regains balance. My feet tap against the floor of my ship as we dive down, looping over and around the freighter as R9 continues to aim. I let out a whoop of glee as we shoot right threw the same spot, cannon exploding behind me. My stomach clenches when I realise what they call the manoeuvre I just did. The Skywalker Loop. My grandfather invented it in the Clone Wars. 

Shaking the thought out of my head, I continue along the side of the freighter, tongue pushing into my cheek as I notice a gap in the hangar. "What if we took it out from the inside?" I ask R9, who immediately beeps his objections. Biting my bottom lip, I thrust forward, ship speeding through the air as we smash into the medical ship, right through the hangar. "Shoot!" I shout as we fly through the hangar. "Take out their evacuation ships."

"Solo!" Poe's voice echoes around my ship. "What the hell are you doing in there? You broke the damned formation!"

"They have TIEs in here," I shout over the sounds of the battle. "We're taking them out."

"No, you're not," Poe hisses. "Get back here. You can't break formation, Ben!" Sighing in annoyance, I pull out, spinning so R9 can take out more of their ships as we make our way out. As we start to reenter the formation, my head starts throbbing. I recognise the feeling instantly. "Kira?" I ask, cringing as the freighter manages to hit me, scraping along the bottom of my ship. "Fuck, the deflector shields," I hiss, tapping the screen as the shields blink out. "We're on our own, buddy," I shout up to R9. "Shields are down."

"Ben?" Her voice is smooth against my mind, a sharp contrast to the raging battle around me. "Are you alright? she breathes, sounding like a song that replays in my head. 

"Yeah, yeah, sure," I nod even though she can't see me. "Just in a bit of a sticky situation right now."

"Where are you?" she asks, voice tight. She sounds off. But I don't have time to think about that as my transmitter blares with blood curdling screams, Golden nine falling beside me. Fire eats at the ship before it explodes. "Chommell sector," I frown, glancing away from the ruined ship. "Why? Are you alright?

"No," she whispers, tone fearful. "I'm...I'm in trouble Ben."

"What?" I ask, fingers slipping from the navigator. "What's wrong?"

"Get back in formation, Ben!" Poe screams at me, voice cut off by the sound of scraping metal. 

"What's wrong, Kira?" I ask, eyes fluttering shut as I desperately try to grab onto her through the Force. "Where are you?"

"Ladarra," she breathes, and I swear I can hear the sounds of tears. "They're going to kill me, Ben. I can't...I can't last much longer. Please," she begs, voice strained and wavering. Eyes flying open, I glance down at the navigator, then back up at the twelve other ships as they attack the medical carrier. Heart thudding in my chest, my fingers dart down to the screen, charting the quickest route to Ladarra. R9 hisses behind me erratically. "I have to," I say, looking back up to see Poe's ship file through space, blasters shooting non stop. "They'll be fine without us," I add as I pull out of position, heart sinking. "Kira," I murmur, pulling back from our bond as I flick on the hyperdrive. "Stay there, alright? I'm coming."

"Ben!" Poe's voice comes through. "What are you doing? We need you, you can't leave! Why have you turned your hyperdrive on?"

Head shaking, I lean forward to switch off the transmitter. Before I do, my head falls forward and I mutter, "I'm sorry." into the comm.

"Ben," Poe begs. "Don't, whatever you're doing. Don't, pleas-" his voice is switched to nothing as I press the button, finger feeling heavy against the metal. Then we're jumping through hyperspace, the force of it slamming me back against me seat. As long strips of white fly past us, I realise that this might actually be it. I've picked her over them. And I can't go back on that now.

Finn

"Well," Rose says as we come out of hyperspace, a small sandy planet in front of us. "This is it."

"The scanners aren't picking up on any civilisations," I frown, staring down at the screen.

"Ladarra was colonised during the days of the Old Republic and became a failed chromium mine," Rose tells me, voice doing that thing when she starts to recount information. "By the time of the Galactic Empire, the planet's people had died out."

"So it's deserted?" I ask, leaning forward in my seat as we float around the planet. "A deserted desert," I muse, giving a huff of amusement at my own joke. Rose doesn't laugh, just rolls her eyes as she flicks on the accelerator. "There's a settlement," she says, pointing towards the middle of the planet. "New Hope Settlement. I advise we start there."

I nod, directing the ship towards where she'd pointed. We land on the outskirts of the city, not too close to any of the buildings. But as we start through the sandy streets, I start to think that Master Luke's sent us to a ghost town. "Doesn't look like there's anyone here," I whisper, saber in my hands as Rose walks in front of me. "But Master Luke said the First Order had occupied this planet. Why is it deserted?"

"It isn't deserted," Rose objects, pulling me back against a wall quickly as a squad of five troopers march past, blasters up. "It's not abandoned," she whispers. "Just dying." I shake off the sand that presses against my back as we push up off of the wall, sticking my head around the building. I bite my bottom lip as I spot a couple of people walking down the street. Not abandoned then.

They're wearing soft clothes of greys and whites, to help deflect the beating sun. Glancing at my own grey robes, I make a mental note to thank Master Luke for lending me them. The hot rays from the sun make the ground look like it's a clear, sandy ocean, moving against the bright light. Rose nudges me forward and we both walk out from the corner. I hide the saber in my robes, not wanting to risk it being spotted. "Where do you think it could be?" I ask Rose as we walk down what appears to be the main road of the rickety town. A lot of the buildings have been boarded up, wooden planks nailed sloppily across windows. 

"I do not know," Rose muses. "Best bet is to find someone who could tell us about the town."

"Well, to do that," I sigh as we pause in the middle of the road, both of us surveying the street. "We'd have to actually find _someone_." Rose rolls her eyes, opening her mouth to no doubt spew more information about the population of the planet or something, before the soft sound of marching surrounds us. "Come on," I mouth, tugging on her sleeve as the troopers get closer. Stumbling backwards, I notice one of the buildings has a flickering light on in the window. Pulling Rose after me, I ignore her protests as we practically fall into the building. Pressing a finger beside my mouth, I bend down under the window, watching as the troopers march past again.

"How fucking small is this place?" I sigh once they've passed. "They're here every two minutes." 

"Now." I freeze when a voice speaks up from behind us. Slowly turning around, I look up to see a man of about fifty, standing before us, arms crossed. My eyes shoot down to the blaster at his belt. I try to smile up at him, but I'm pretty sure it just comes out as a wince. "Why are you two hiding from troopers?" he asks, green eyes narrowing down at us. 

"We're just passing through," Rose says, straightening up beside me. "We don't intend on staying." As she speaks to the man, I quickly check out the rest of the building. We seem to have stumbled into some kind of bar. And it looks like this is where the whole town is. About fifty people sit at various chairs, drinking out of pint glasses. A couple children are sitting at the back, playing with some sort of toys made out of dried twigs. There's not a non-human in sight. 

"What's a cyborg doing in these parts?" The man asks, chewing on a toothpick as he slings his hands into his pockets. His eyes look over Rose, finally looking back at her face with a smirk.

Rose clenches her jaw beside me, and I can see the annoyance flash in her eyes. "We were wondering if you knew anything about a Jedi, who might live here," I say, lightly nudging Rose behind me. She grabs at my arm in warning. She had specifically told me to not mention the Jedi to anyone we met. But plans change. And I'm the only one with a lightsaber here. I think I can handle it.

"They call me the Storyteller," the old man says, the light from the glass windows hitting against his white hair. "Welcome to The Ellstree Bar." Me and Rose share a glance as we watch the man wander over to the bar, leaning against the surface. The rest of the people go back to chatting amongst their companions, completely ignoring us.

"Three cold lums," the Storyteller says to to the bartender as we come up on either side of him.

"What's your real name?" Rose asks, eyes narrowed as the man slides a glass of a honey coloured drink towards her. She catches it quickly, spinning the glass in her fingers.

"I already told you," he muses as he lifts his own glass to his mouth. I don't touch mine. 

"The Storyteller is not a real name," Rose objects, nose crinkling. I widen my eyes at her, bending backwards so the old man doesn't see. We do not need to be questioning him over his _name_. "Well," the man says, eyes crinkling with amusement. "I tell stories. What else would you have them call me?"

"Apologises, sir," I say, fingers clasped across my back. "But we're not here to drink with you."

"Oh, I know, young Jedi," the man nods, not taking his eyes off of his glass.

"What?" I ask, eyes wide as Rose looks on in horror. "I'm not-why would you-we're just travelling through." Blast, I've never been great at lying. And the man just looks up at me, eyebrows raised. "That lightsaber of yours shone the light in my eye as soon as you walked in. Or rather, fell in." Red creeps up on my face as I look down at the saber clipped to my side. Well, it's not like it's a secret now. "I thought the Jedi had died out," the man muses, staring down at the saber in my hands. 

"They did," I nod before I hold the weapon up, shaking it. "And this isn't mine. I'm just borrowing it."

"Borrowing a lightsaber," the man muses. "That's a new one." He pauses for a moment as he stares down at his reflection in the glass. "Well, sorry Jedi. But there are none like you here. Never have been." Frowning, my shoulders deflate as I lean against the bar. "If there was, we wouldn't have had to face a massacre on our own."

"Massacre?" Rose asks. I zone them both out as I take a sip from the glass. My nose crinkles when the liquid hates my throat. Tastes kind of like soap. 

"Fifteen years ago," The Storyteller nods. "The Resistance came and destroyed a village a couple of miles out."

"The Resistance?" I ask, horrified. "But the Resistance wouldn't do something like that." The man's face darkens as he shakes his head, tapping his fingers against the glass.

"They would," he hisses. "We know first hand what the Resistance would do to win this war."

"Where was this village?" Rose asks, stepping in-between us. 

"A mile North of here," the man answers. "But I wouldn't waste your time going there," he warns her. "There's nothing but ruins and ash."

"Thank you for your time," she says, offering a quick smile before she tugs at my sleeve. "And for the drinks." The man just shrugs before he turns back to the bar, seeming deflated after discussing the slaughter of the village from years ago. "You don't seriously want to go check out a destroyed village do you?" I ask Rose, brows arched as she drags me out of the bar. There are no troopers marching, so we both start jogging up the street, towards the North.

"It's the only lead we've got," she snaps up at me. I shrug, conceding as we continue out to the massive expanse of desert. A wave of deja vu hits me as we trudge through the soft sand, with each step, feet getting heavier, sinking deep into the dunes. Pausing at the top of the massive sand dune, my mouth falls open slightly as I take in the ruined village. Blackened, collapsed buildings glare back at me. Planks of loose wood stick up from the sand, and my stomach clenches as I realise I'm standing on a graveyard. "He was right," I breathe as we stand, holding our breaths. "Nothing but ruins."

"It's worth a look," Rose says, but her voice is strained. "I have no information on this village," she utters as we walk through the burned houses. Frowning as we peek our heads into a small hut, my eyes instantly lock onto a crisped toy lying discarded on the ground. "There were children here. How could the Resistance do this?" I sigh, gently picking up the toy. As soon as I make contact with the hard fabric, I drop it, fingers feeling burned. "Fuck," I hiss as I wave my fingers in my air. "How-" I start, staring down at the toy. How the hell did that burn me? It was burned almost two decades ago. And it's just been lying here. So how the hell did it do that?

As I prod at it with my shoe, I hear Rose speaking from outside. "There's a ship," she says, as an engine sounds faintly over us. 

"It's probably just a merchant ship," I dismiss it, still concerned with this toy. "There's a trade route that passes over here."

"I know that," Rose snips back, and I can hear her rolling her eyes in her tone. "That is not a merchant ship." Shrugging, I kick the toy away, straightening up as I make my way further through the ship. I find myself in a kitchen, that unlike the rest of the hut, has an intact roof still. Tilting my head, I run my fingers over the cabinets, ash staining my fingers. Crouching down, I attempt to open the lower cabinets, but none of them will budge, stuck to the shelves. Pushing my tongue into my cheek, my eyes widen when I notice a piece of fabric stuck behind some broken shelves. I pull it out from behind the shelves, stumbling backwards when it gives way. I laugh when I shake the fabric out, the ash falling into the air.

"Rose!" I call, running my fingers over the singed fabric. "I found some old Jedi robes. So there was a Jedi," I mutter to myself, glancing up when Rose doesn't respond. "Rose?" I call again, standing up and making my way back through the house. "Can you check over these to see if they're..." I trail off as I see Rose outside. But she isn't alone. A man has her locked in his arms, blaster in one hand. He's wearing a belted tunic, and thick trousers. I frown down at the boots he's wearing. Those are Resistance pilot boots. I'm sure of it. I duck behind the wall, and watch as he speaks to Rose, but I can't hear what they're saying. 

Letting the robes fall from my hand, I grab the saber from my hand, activating it as I jump outside. "Let her go," I say calmly, sabre murmuring softly in my fingers. The man turns, and I lower the saber. "Ben," I laugh, watching as a grin dances on his face. 

"Finn," he laughs, lowering the blaster. "She's with you?" he asks, gesturing to Rose. I nod and he goes to let go of her. But before he can, Rose is raising her knee up, and slamming her boot onto Ben's foot. "Screw you!" she hisses, running out of his grasp. 

"Crink," Ben hisses under his breath, face contorting in pain. "Who's the cyborg?" he asks through gritted teeth.

"Her name's Rose," I say as she comes up beside me, arms folded and head tilted up at Ben. "She's your uncle's assistant."

"Bioarchive," she mutters under her breath before her eyes widen. "You're Ben Solo?" she asks, face softening. Ben cringes slightly, holding his arms out slightly.

"The one and only," he sighs, before his eyes land on the burned house behind us. "What are you doing here?" he asks, eyes narrowing slightly. I've never seen Ben look like this. Well, I have, but it's never been aimed at me before. "Master Luke sent us here. To find a saber," I say cautiously. "What's wrong, Ben? Why are you here?"

"Have you seen a girl?" he asks. "Someone I...someone I know's in danger." I shake my head, deactivating the saber as he walks over to us. 

"This place is abandoned," I tell him. "There's a town up the way a bit. Could she be-"

"No," he cuts me off, a dark shadow passing over his face. "She's here. I can feel her."

"There's no one here," Rose states matter of the factly, clearly annoyed that he's disagreeing with us. But Ben doesn't even pay attention to her. He pushes past us into the building, head scanning wildly. Then his head snaps forward, and he runs forward, skidding to the ground as he picks up the discarded toy. "Wait-" I start, about to warn him about the burning sensation, but he picks it up and it doesn't seem to bother him. Frowning, I step forward, watching as Ben desperately grabs at the toy. 

"Who are you looking for?" I ask tentatively, crouching down beside him.

"It was this. It was hers," he growls, head shooting up towards me. "This thing," he snarls, glaring at the toy as if he can somehow destroy it with his eyes. "It was acting like a beacon or something," he sighs angrily, tossing it to the side. 

"Ben," I say, grabbing at his shoulder as he starts to stalk off. "What are you doing here? Who are you looking for?"

But before he can answer, Rose cries out, a terrified warning. Both of us start towards her, my heart thudding as shots start firing. "Rose!" I yell as we skid outside, faces paling as we see about fifty troopers storming down the sand dunes, storming towards us. "Holy fuck," Ben breathes, his whole body shuddering, voice breaking. But I'm too concerned on Rose lying on the ground to focus on whatever strange breakdown Ben's going through right now. "Rose!" I yell, falling down beside her as I shake her shoulders. 

Her eyes flash open and her lips purse into a thin line. "They shot me," she snarls, eyes dropping to her arm. Quickly, I roll up her loose sleeve, sighing as I lightly touch her skin. 

"It's just a graze," I tell her before I help her to her feet. She nods tightly, brows knitting as she aims her blaster at the oncoming troopers. I follow suit, activating my saber. Twirling it in my fingers, I crouch down into my fighting stance, deflecting the trooper's shots and aiming them back at them. "We'll never be able to take them out alone," I yell over the sound of the shots. 

"It's not just us," Rose reminds me, gesturing back to Ben, who's crouched down, face a cast of wrath as he shoots at the troopers. Signalling for her to follow me, we make our way back to Ben, me covering Rose with the saber as she sprints. "How are we getting out of this mess?" I ask Ben when we reach him, the three of us taking cover behind a caved in building. Ben shrugs, face falling as we watch three TIES fly over the horizon, guns aimed straight at us. 

"We have two Jedi," Rose hisses, looking from me to Ben with an exasperated sigh. Sharing a look with Ben, a wistful smile spreads over his face. 

"You got him to train you?" he laughs, clapping my shoulder. His face softens, and suddenly he's back to being the same Ben that helped me get out of the Order. Same Ben that severed the rathtar that was trying to eat me with a cocky grin on his face. "Well I never, Finn the Jedi." He bites his bottom lip, eyes crinkling as he shakes his head in amazement. 

"This is yours," I say, holding out the saber towards him. Ben's happiness suddenly fades away when he looks down at the weapon cradled in my palms. He shakes his head forcefully, wrapping my fingers back around the hilt. "No," he counters, letting go of my hands. "It's yours." Before I can object, his own blaster is suddenly in his hands, and he's peeking over the wall we're using as cover.

"Alright," he says, looking back to me and Rose. "My ship's not too far away. If we can get to it we should be able to jump to hyperdrive. Get back to the Resistance. There's someone who'll want to see you," he adds, shooting a knowing grin at me as Rose frowns, grabbing onto Ben's blaster before he can keep shooting. "We can't go back to the Resistance," she protests, sighing in annoyance as he tugs his blaster away from her and starts taking out troopers. 

A TIE flies over our heads, shooting right for us. Ducking, we roll out, backs against another building as we watch the one we were behind crumble from the shots. "We need to go back to Master Luke in our own ship," Rose tells me, eyes wide.

"Plans change, sweetheart," Ben rolls his eyes. Rose snarls, and I have to hold her back, hand around her waist before she attacks my friend. "My ship's over there," Ben says to me, fingers pointing to the South. I nod after I peek over our cover, spotting an abandoned Y-wing. "Alright," I nod. "Let's do this."

The three of us jump out from our cover, Rose and Ben twin with their blasters. My fingers tighten around the saber, and I slash through the troopers as the continue to shoot, desperately begging them to stop. "You don't have to do this!" I shout as three of them come up on me. They don't stop shooting. "They've brainwashed you!" I yell, deflecting their shots. Gasping, the saber is shot out of my hand, tumbling away through the air before it lands in the sand. I don't have time to run after it, and suddenly all three of them are on me.

Then I feel it click.

Eyes fluttering shut, I dig my fingers into the warm sand, feeling the Force slam through my veins. Eyes snapping open, my fingers curl into fists, and the three troopers are pushed away from me. The saber flies into my outstretched hand and I instantly activate it, spinning it before I aim it at one of the troopers. 

"This isn't you," I tell him. "They've brainwashed you. They did it to me too, but it doesn't have to go this way." The trooper watches me, before his head looks to something behind me. Spinning, my heart picks up as my eyes fall on Kira Ren. She stands in the sand as the troopers line up behind her, black cloak flapping behind her.

She looks formidable. Her hair cuts her collarbones, waving in the burning wind. Her dark eyes narrow in my direction, her own saber hissing and crackling in warning. And there's that red lipstick Ben told me about. Death incarnate. She also has ugly bruises of green and purple sprouting across her face, a stitched up cut running down the side of her face. 

"Traitor," she screams from atop of the sand dune, free hand outstretched and pointing at me. Frowning, I keep my mouth planted shut. All I do is raise my own saber towards hers, nodding once. 

As she stalks towards me, someone comes up behind me. Ben places a hand on my shoulder before he takes a step forward. "Ben," I whisper, running after him. "Ben, what are you doing?" I hiss, tugging on his sleeve. He might be able to wield the Force, but he refused to take my saber. I know he beat Kira before, but he's only got a blaster for protection. 

"Stay here," Ben warns, head snapping towards me. His eyes are dark, handsome features shadowed. "Take your friend and get off this planet."

"Not without you!" I protest, still trying to cling onto him. I gasp when he pushes me back, and I fall, stumbling into the sand. 

"You don't have a choice, Finn."

And all I can do then is watch as my friend strives off to meet his death. Kira Ren smirks as her eyes fall on Ben walking to meet her, baring her teeth in anticipation.


	22. Surrender, Solo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't be late, boiler suit."

Ben

I'm not taken aback by the garrison of troopers behind her. I'm not taken aback by the sight of those red lips, after only seeing them bare for so long. I'm not taken aback by the way she points her saber at my throat. 

I'm taken aback by the way she narrows her eyes at me. 

It took me a couple of moments to realise I'd fallen for a lie. My mind didn't automatically go to that she'd set a trap for me when I first heard the sound of troopers marching towards us. I didn't assume she had anything to do with it. She must not be involved, I told myself as I watched Finn run to his friend, sprawled out on the ground. No, she wouldn't do this. She wouldn't send an army after me. 

But she wasn't _here_. She was never here. 

And then I'd felt her, like a swift punch to the gut. And then she appeared on top of the sand, hair waving in the wind. The picture of allurement. 

She'd been bait. It was all a lie. I fell for a lie. I fell for her. And now her eyes are painted in homicidal wrath. 

"You lied to me," I shout as she prowls down the hill, the troopers standing ready behind her. Their lines are unwavering, watching as their Commander cocks her head. "You fell for it," she breathes, red lips pursed. "That's on you, Solo," she adds, lowering her saber. My chest rises and falls steadily, but I almost wish it wouldn't. 

"I...I trusted you," I tell her, wind snatching my voice out of my mouth. Anger boils in my gut. 

"Surrender," she says, brows lowering. "Surrender. Solo," she grits out when I shake my head, hair falling in my face. I put my squadron at risk for her. I put everything at risk for her. "I was going to take your hand," I say, voice low. "If you offered again, I would've taken your hand." I swear her jaw twitches at that, but her face stays stony, almost blank. 

She shrugs, shouldering off her cape as she crouches down into her fighting stance. "Surrender, or die, Solo." I shrug, glancing down at the blaster in my hand. I let it fall from my fingers, dropping into the sand with a soft thud. Kira nods, a cruel whisper dancing on her lips. "A wise decision," she murmurs, gesturing for her troopers to follow. I watch as they march down, a sea of white against Kira's unrelenting hurricane of darkness. I don't break eye contact with her as her soldiers make their way to surround me.

She doesn't come closer, but she makes to turn. As her eyes drop mine, I glance to the side, mouth falling open as I watch Finn sprint across the desert towards her, his cyborg friend close at his heels. He's a fool. He doesn't know how strong, how powerful she is. She'll kill him. Damned fools should've stayed hidden. "Finn!" I scream, starting to sprint towards them, shoving past the troopers. "No!" My voice rips through me, throat hoarse as I watch Kira spin on her heels, saber hissing angrily.

She meets Finn's saber with a clash of light, and I'm forced to look away, eyes squinting against the light. "Stop!" I scream. Scrambling closer, I watch in horror as the two of them duel, a bloodthirsty grin on Kira's face, as Finn's brows knit together. "Stop," I try again, but either they can't hear me or they don't care. Finn's other hand flies out, and I watch in awe as he uses the Force to pull out Kira's legs from under her. 

Snarling, she rolls to the side, dodging his strikes. Leaping back up to her feet, she brings her feet up, kicking him in the back. My feet subconsciously move again as everything starts to go in slow motion. A laugh escapes Kira's lips as she starts to bring her saber down towards Finn's exposed neck. My friend struggles to rise as Kira holds him down with the Force, not strong enough to fight her.

Yelling out, I throw myself onto Finn, hand up as if I can stop her saber. Eyes shutting, I get ready to have my arm chopped off. But it never comes. Opening one eye at a time, I'm met with Kira's face scowling down at me. "Take me," I get out through gritted teeth. "You can have me," I offer, giving her my wrists. "But you have to let them go." Her dark eyes dart to the side, and I watch as she sneers at Rose. Eventually she nods, deactivating her saber before she shoots her hand out, summoning a pair of stun cuffs from one of her troopers.

I bite the inside of my cheek as she clamps them around my wrists, then drags me off of Finn. My eyes widen as I watch her signal for her soldiers to cuff him too. "What are you doing?" I snarl, reaching out for her, when one of the troopers pulls me back by the throat. "We had a deal," I choke out, coughing onto the sand. She just narrows her eyes at me, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "I don't make deals with Jedi scum like you and your friend," she hisses, brushing off the sand from her clothes.

"Get the cyborg too," she sighs, pointing over at Rose. "Maybe we can strip her down for parts." My lips curl in disgust as I watch the girl I slept with, and kissed, and wanted to help. When a cry rings out around the desert, my head shoots to the side to see two troopers practically tackle her, shoving the short girl roughly to the ground. "That's unnecessary," I yell, struggling against the troopers who are holding my arms back. "I thought you were better than this," I hiss to Kira. She just rolls her eyes before she storms ahead. 

The troopers follow, shoving me, Finn and Rose ahead of them. "How the fuck do we get out of this one?" Finn asks, voice low as he shoots quick glances to the troopers behind us. "I don't think we can, buddy," I answer, brows lowered as I just keep my eyes on Kira ahead of us. "I don't think we can." 

Finn

Snarling, I struggle against the troopers as the nudge us out of the ship. And into a bigger, scarier ship. Rose's lips part beside me, gulping as she takes in the immensity of the hangar we're in. I recognise the ship instantly. 

"Snoke's boudoir," I mutter to Rose, smiling to myself when she laughs lightly, despite our current situation.

"Quiet, _traitor_." I look down at Kira Ren as she spins around to face us, long finger pointing at my throat. I snarl down as I notice my saber clipped onto her belt.

"Or what?" I ask, brows raised as I lean forward, tilting my head down at her mockingly. "You're already going to kill me." Kira purses her red lips, a snarl ripping through her body. Then she attempts to regain her composure, straightening her back and hiding her fists behind herself. She nods, looking up at me through cruel eyes. "Correct," she nods, hair grazing her collarbones as she turns back around, boots clicking along the floor. "You are going to die, FN-2187." She glances over her shoulder, pausing in her tracks to narrow her eyes at me one more time. "You are no Jedi," she whispers, voice like poison. "You are just a failed stormtrooper. That is all you will ever be."

I bite back a response as Ben's shoved out of the ship, stumbling as they pull him up harshly. His droid is carried out by two troopers. I frown at R9 as he angrily whirs. They must've confiscated him when they found Ben's ship. We all watch, helpless, as they carry the droid away. Ben's eyes flutter shut, the pain of losing his droid clear on his face.

Eyes opening, he rolls his head to look at me, throwing me a light grin. "I'll see you around, Finn," he says with light in his eyes, but I don't miss the strain in his voice.

"What are you talking about?" I frown, cuffs digging into my wrists as I try and get closer to him. "We'll find a way out, Ben. We always do," I drop my voice to a whisper, looking up at him. But he just shakes his head sadly before the troopers start to push him in the direction of Kira Ren. Then it starts to sink in. Ben realised before I did that the three of us were never the targets of Kira Ren's wrath. Just him.

"No!" I scream, aware of everyone in the hangar turning to look at me as I yell after my friend. "Don't! _Ben_!" But they don't stop leading him after Kira, and Ben doesn't look back at us as they practically drag him. He just hangs his head, and lets himself be escorted away, blasters pointed at his back. "No," I snarl at the troopers now alone with me and Rose. I try and fight them, spitting on one's helmet, but they just glance at each other before something makes a clicking sound and suddenly electricity is coursing through the veins in my wrists. I cry out in pain, but the last thing I feel before darkness encompasses me is my knees buckling.

*

"Fuck," I start as my eyes open. "My head," I groan, rubbing my hands over my hair as I push myself up into a sitting position. Rose is sitting beside me, knees against her chest as she watches me, an unimpressed look on her face. "Why haven't they killed us yet?" I muse, gesturing to the two troopers standing outside the cell we've been shoved in. My heart sinks as I glance around for Ben, before I remember what happened. He's probably dead by now. 

"Something's happening," Rose says, shuffling closer towards me as she whispers. "Something outside. There was this loud sound and the ship jolted. Then those two get a call on their transmitters, and instead of killing us, they're guarding us like hostages." Scanning the cell, I smirk when I notice two small windows directly above us. Slowly standing up as quietly as I can, I ignore Rose tugging on my trousers. Holding my breath, I relax when I manage to stand up without alerting the guards. Then, pressing up onto my toes, I look outside. I bite back a laugh as I watch ships fly across the window. I recognise those ships.

"It's the Resistance," I tell Rose as I bend back down. "We need to try and contact them."

"Well first, we'd need to try and get out of this cell. And that'll be hard with those two," she adds, gesturing with a sharp nod of the head towards the troopers. "Alright," I nod slowly. Pressing my finger to my lips, I start to slowly sneak towards the door, glancing at the two troopers on guard. Letting out a tight breath when I find what I'm looking for, sticking out of the trooper on the left's pocket.

Suddenly, the ship lurches, the sound of crashing coming from far away. I hold my breath, body still, but thankfully neither of the troopers turn around. Hands reaching out, I connect to the Force. "We should be out fighting," one of the troopers snarls, jolting his blaster in his hands. "Not in here, standing guard like some useless droids."

Brows knitting in concentration, I smile when the keycard slips free of the material and starts floating towards me. "Everyone has a job to do," the other guard replies, voice tired. "Someone's got to do the monotonous work." I bite back a whoop when the card flies into my palms. Rose grins when I wave it at her, slowly standing up. 

"Why does it have to be us?" the trooper snarls, turning just as I insert the keycard into the panel beside the door. "Hey! What are you-" My fist connects with his jaw forcefully, sending him crumbling to the ground. Leaning down, I grab his blaster from his body, twirling it in my fingers. "What's a little thing like you going to do?" the trooper sneers down at Rose, blaster aimed at her. Rolling her eyes, her leg is flashing forward, striking him hard in the neck before she's twisting, grabbing the blaster out of his hands. He turns to run, yelling intruders. Rose raises the blaster, eyes narrowing as she aims for the back. "No," I shout, pushing the blaster down before she can shoot. "Let him go."

She nods, and she starts to follow me down the corridor, running in the opposite direction of the trooper. "You know we're in a war, Finn?" she asks as we run, boots hitting against the metal floors. I nod, glancing down at the blaster in my hands. It feels foreign after using the saber these past weeks. "I know."

Skidding to a stop, Rose clasps her hands. "This is a communications room," she grins, shouldering open the door slowly, blaster raised. When she must deem it safe, she gestures for me to follow her, shoving the door shut behind us. "How did you know this was the right room?" I ask as I walk up to the window, pressing my hands up against it. When Rose just shoots me a nod, I nod, rolling my eyes. "Bioarchive, yeah, alright. I forgot."

"We should be able to contact your friends in those ships from here," she says, pressing her lips together as she slips into the seat in front of the control panels. "But they might not listen. Since we'd be beaming them from the enemy ship." Looking away from the window, I come up behind her, screwing my nose at all the technology in front of me that I don't understand. "Can you try and contact just one ship?" I ask. She looks up at me like I've just asked her how to steer a ship. "Fine," I sigh. "Contact that one," I say, pointing out to the X-wing with orange stripes painted on the wings. "The T-70 X-Wing. Best pilot out there."

Rose nods quickly, before her fingers are diving all over the control panel. Taking the position of watch, I stand beside the door, blaster at the ready as I listen out for any warning signs. "Their communication links are encrypted," Rose sighs, pinching the bridge of her nose. "We'd need some sort of code word they could latch on to and give us permission to join."

Biting the inside of my lip, I sling the blaster onto my belt, running back over to Rose. "Would anyone else on this ship be able to hear us contacting them?" I ask. Communicating with the Resistance won't be worth it if the rest of the First Order can hear us. Rose shakes her head, black hair falling in waves. "Alright," I nod. "Blast that X-wing the message, Nerf Stew."

"You want me to what?" Rose asks, incredulously.

"Nerf stew," I repeat. "Keep doing it until they respond." Rose breathes shakily before she shrugs as if to say _it's all we've got_. We both hold our breath as the computer beeps rapidly, the only sound breaking the still air. A shaky breathless sound leaves Rose's mouth as she sits forward. "They're responding," she tells me, eyes shooting up to meet mine. "They've granted us access to the communications. Thank the gods for _nerf stew_ ," she laughs, and with the click of one button, Poe's voice is filling the room. 

"Finn?" he asks, voice ginger. "Is that you? Holy fuck, please let it be Finn."

I let out a shaky breath as I laugh, nodding even though he can't hear me. Remembering I have to actually use words, I lurch forward, clutching onto the control panel. "Yeah, Poe, it's me."

Poe lets out a loud whoop, and Rose cringes in her seat, slamming her hands over her ears. I just laugh, hands gripping my hair. It's Poe. Poe's okay. _Poe's okay._

"So?" he asks, voice back to its usual charming lilt. I cringe as I hear the sounds of shots being fired in the background, but Poe doesn't seem to register that a battle is happening around us. "How's my handsome Jedi?" I let out another laugh, covering my eyes. Holy fuck. I just need to see him now. His voice has snapped some tether I didn't even realise I was holding tight.

"We need help," Rose says, voice stern as she speaks into the transmitter. "We're trapped on the Supremacy."

"Who the hell are you?" Poe asks. Rose frowns but I speak before she can.

"She's my friend. It doesn't matter. Poe, we need help. We need to get off of this ship."

"Alright," he says, and I can almost see him thinking. Brows tight, tongue pushed into the side of his cheek as he scratches his jaw. "There's a hangar on the south side. If you can get there, I can pick you up."

"Okay," I nod, breathing shaky. I watch from behind as Rose brings up a map of the ship's blueprints. "We should be there in ten minutes," I tell him, fingers digging into the back of Rose's chair. I hate that I have to say this next part. "Poe, if we aren't there then, you can't wait for us. You need to leave without us. Take down the Supremacy."

"No," Poe instantly replies, voice sounding further away. "I'll see you in ten minutes. Wait, Finn," he adds before Rose can shut down our communication stream. "Were you with Ben?"

"We were," I breathe, glancing down at the floor as I rub my eyes. Poe clearly doesn't need clarification, based on my voice. 

"I'll see you in ten," he says. "Don't be late, boiler suit." and then he cuts out. Rose stands up out of the chair, brows arched as she grins at me, dimples shining. 

"You never mentioned a _Poe_ ," she smirks. I sigh, shaking my head before I open the door. Sticking my head out, I signal for her to follow, and we start off towards the hangar. "Well," I start, blaster aiming when a group of troopers turn around the corner. "If we're lucky, you can meet him for yourself."


	23. Betrayal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Give me everything."

Ben

The smell of of lavender is almost sickening. Running my tongue over my teeth, I watch Kira carefully. She's turned away from me as we stand in the lift, no doubt leading me to my execution. Lamb to the slaughter. Good thing my mother never really trusted me after I took off for the first time, so Snoke won't be able to find anything in my head. 

The lift suddenly lurches and halts to a stop, and Kira's hands shoot out, the Force practically cracking around her fingers. She narrows her eyes as she shoots a glance at me. I just shrug, raising my brows at her. "It's not like I could've done that," I point out, pointedly looking down at the stun cuffs around my wrists. She doesn't respond, just quickly turns away from me again. I frown down at her neck, at the way her hair falls against it, brushing along the dark freckles that litter her back. I do _not_ remember how it had felt to kiss that neck. 

A sudden anger smashes through me as she moves, hair swaying.

"Why are you doing this?" I hiss as she presses her ear to the wall, clearly trying to figure out why we've stopped. "You don't need to do this, Kira." She doesn't say anything, but I notice as the muscles in her jaw twitch. "You let Snoke have this power over you," I growl. "You've never even tried to fight back."

"You don't know what you're talking about," she scowls, head snapping towards me. Well, at least she's speaking to me now.

"What happened?" I ask, voice bordering on pleading. "What did he do to you? Why is he making you do this?"

" _Trust me_ ," she starts, eyes wide. "I am doing this of my own accord." I shake my head, refusing to believe it. "Look, Solo, I don't know what you thought was happening. We slept together once and you're acting like we should rip apart the Galaxy for each other." My response dies in my throat as she tilts her head up at me, disgust rippling over her face as she looks at me. She opens her mouth to no doubt insult me again, when the lift suddenly lurches up again. I stumble, falling against the wall, but somehow she manages to stay on her feet. I watch as she turns away, facing the door as we slow down, just keeping my eyes trained on the back of her neck. 

I don't look up when the lift's door slides open, when I can _feel_ Snoke. His presence is almost painful, like a maelstrom of hatred.

"Well done, my faithful apprentice." His voice echoes around the massive hall, thick with amusement. Kira's shoulders tense before she walks forward, pausing slightly when she realises I'm not following. She glances over her shoulder, eyes narrowing. Well, it's not like I have anything else to do, I guess. Feet heavy, I take a step forward, coming up beside Kira as she kneels to the ground. I sigh down at her, biting my tongue. 

"My faith in you is restored," Snoke smirks, practically purring as he watches her bow her head. "Young Solo," he says, eyes flicking up to meet mine. "Welcome." I grit my teeth when the cuffs around my wrists blink green, then fall to the floor as Snoke waves his hand. I'm not fooled by his false sense of welcoming. "Come forward, child," he says, voice slithery in my ear. I don't move.

Snoke laughs, as if he was expecting that. "So much strength. Darkness rises, and light, to meet it. I warned my young apprentice that as she grew stronger, her equal in the light would rise." I keep my face trained in indifference, but doubt flashes over my mind. Equals. It sounds foreign. But then I remember how it had felt fighting with her on Vandor.

I jolt when Finn's blaster flies past me, almost cutting the side of my face, and flies into Snoke's hand. 

"I assumed I had killed your uncle all those years ago," Snoke murmurs as he places the saber down beside him. "I will not make the same mistake with you." A growl rips through my throat, but Snoke just laughs, arms crossed as he leans forward. "I said, _come forward_ ," he whispers and I grunt when I'm pulled closer to him against my will. I try and resist it, digging my heels into the floor. But Snoke's lips just quirk up and I'm lifted up into the air, floating towards him. 

"You underestimate my uncle," I tell him, glaring down at him as I clench my fingers into tight fists at my side. "And Rey Arrar." I hear Kira's breathing hitch from behind her, can feel her through the bond as her emotion flares. "And me," I add, grinning down at him as I twitch my fingers. "It'll be your downfall, _Sith_ ," I spit, eyes narrowing. 

" _Oh_ ," he whispers, mocking me as he presses his hand against his deformed chest. He leans forward, far too close for my liking. Trying to jerk away, I glare down at him. "Do you sense a weakness in my apprentice? No," he sighs, head shaking. "The weakness is in you," he snarls, long, spindly finger pointing at my face. "That is why you came when she asked." He shrugs nonchalantly, leaning back in his chair as he watches me carefully. "Has she told you yet?" he muses, eyes focusing on Kira behind me. I resits the urge to look over my shoulder, but the answer must be clear on my expression. "It was I who bridged your minds." 

My body deflates at that, now purely standing up by Snoke's hold on me. I shake my head subconsciously, squeezing my eyes shut. "I felt the conflict flickering against Kira's soul fifteen years ago," he hisses. "And I knew I would need you, my little pawn, in this war. I knew you would take the bait," he snarls as my eyes fall open, head hanging. "And now," he murmurs as I float closer towards him. I try and lurch away as he places his hand on my face. "You will give me Luke Skywalker. Then I will kill you, Ben Solo. Along with the rest of your Resistance."

The Resistance. That's what the crashing sounds are. The Resistance are _here_. Poe must have got that forsaken droid to work. A sudden burst of determination sweeps through me as Snoke tries to rip apart my mind. "No," I hiss, slamming the thick shields up against my head. 

"Yes," he objects, voice still calm. I snarl, ready to tear him apart limb by limb, when I'm shoved back into the air, twenty feet high. I cry out in pain as Snoke reaches his arm out, mind feeling ablaze as my hair whips around my face. "Give me _everything_."

"No," I grit out again, but before I can say anything else, my insides are slashed to pieces. I scream out in frustration, rage and agony as I feel the blood in my veins flood out. It lasts for years, time moving incredibly slowly as I scream out, begging for it to stop, to just please stop. But I keep those shields up, standing relentless as Snoke drags his sharp nails against it. 

Suddenly, he lets go of me, and I plummet to the floor. I wince as the fall winds me, tumbling onto my back as I clutch at my gut. Snoke snarls out, fingers tapping on his throne. Cringing, I push myself up to my feet, clinging to my stomach. Frustration is written clearly on the ugly fucker's face as he glares at me. Arm shooting out, I try and summon Finn's saber, feet digging into the floor as it swooshes towards me. But before I can grab it, the saber flies right around me, smashing into the back of my head before it lands back beside Snoke. He looks up at me, face unimpressed. 

Snarling, I rub the back of my head as he arches a thinning brow. "Such spunk. You get that from your father. Not your fool of a mother." 

"Fuck you," I curse, groaning in pain as Snoke uses the Force to sweep me to the side, pressing me roughly up against a window in his grand hall. Gulping, I watch as the Resistance fleet shoots at the ship we're on. "Your mother's on that ship," Snoke tells me, forcing me to look at the large command frighter, defended by a thinning squadron. "She is going to die," he says, and in the midst of his grand, never-ending proclamation of my doom, he drops me. Spinning on my heels as he yatters on about my mother's death, I summon Kira's saber from her side, rolling my shoulders back as it activates in my hands. Kira watches me with wide eyes, but I don't look at her. Just aim the crackling saber at Snoke.

"Still that fiery spit of hope," Snoke muses, signalling for his guards to stand down. "Only a smuggler could have that," he says, sitting back in his throne. "Still fighting when the odds are stacked against you. When you stand no chance."

"Never tell me the odds," I shrug, spinning the saber in my fingers. Snoke laughs as I sprint towards him, saber raised and ready to strike. But before I can reach him, I'm being thrown through the air again, fingers still clutching onto Kira's saber. When I land on the floor, skidding to a stop, the weapon falls out of my hand, and I watch as it lands at Kira's feet. 

Scowling, frustration ripples through me as Snoke forces me up yet again, this time dragging me towards Kira. "My worthy apprentice," he muses as Kira's eyes flick up to meet mine. "Daughter of Darkness. Death incarnate. Heir apparent to Lord Palpatine." Kira's eyes flash with violence at that, before dropping towards her weapon. So Snoke _did_ know. He's known this whole time. Of course he did. "There is no weakness in you anymore, my child. Only raw strength. Complete your training, fulfil your destiny." I watch as she reaches down, picking up her saber tentatively. Her fingers clutch the hilt so tightly her knuckles whiten. I watch, heart still, as she stands up slowly, walking over to me. I watch, eyes falling to the floor as her boots stop in front of me.

"I know what I have to do," she breathes, voice firm.

" _Rey_ ," I plead softly, jaw trembling.

"That is not her name," Snoke laughs from behind me as Kira just watches me, eyes wide. "Pathetic child. I cannot be betrayed, I cannot be beaten." I try and shake my head, shuddering against Snoke's hold on my body. "I see her mind," he yells. So do I. "I see her every intent." _So do I._

And that's when I understand.

Why didn't I see it sooner?

Nodding my head lightly, I drop my eyes, watching as she lifts the saber in her hand. I wait for the blow.

"I see her turning the lightsaber to strike true," Snoke continues from behind me, voice droning. "And now, foolish Solo, he ignites it." I shiver as I kneel before her, praying I've got this right. "And kills her true enemy!" Snoke yells. 

Kira's other hand twitches before she flicks her fingers out. And I hear the strike. 

Falling to the ground, I grin up at her as her face crumbles, smiling through falling tears. I laugh shakily, turning as we watch Snoke shudder, Finn's saber burning blue light right through his torso. Kira clenches her fists quickly and the saber splits through Snoke, rapidly flying towards us. I let out a breath as my hand snatches the saber out of the air. I push myself up off of the floor as the guards all swiftly move into their fighting positions, weapons raised. But Kira just glares at Snoke, the bottom half of his body slipping from the throne onto the floor. 

"You could've warned me you were planning this," I frown as she activates her own saber, bringing it through the air.

"I couldn't risk him looking into your mind and seeing," she rolls her eyes. "Your mental abilities are weak. He would've seen right through you," she adds with a smirk before she bends down next to me. "I'm sorry," she breathes as the guards start to circle us. "For making you doubt me."

I shrug, twirling my wrists as the Skywalker saber hums softly in my hands. "I'm sure you'll think of some way to make it up to me," I shrug, biting my bottom lip before we both turn, sabers swishing through the air in harmony. Three of them come for me as my back presses against Kira, but I manage to deflect their blows easily. As we fight, back to back, I burrow down into that bond we share, and suddenly everything becomes clearer. I can practically see the guards' strikes before they make them, deflecting each one with a cocky grin.

Kira's hand slides down my torso as she uses my back to push off of, and I hear the soft thud of a body landing behind me as I strike my saber into one of them seamlessly. The guards manage to split us up, but we still pull on each other's power as we fight. Grunting, I fight off one with a hissing vibro-voulge, blade getting too close to comfort. Using my saber to twist his weapon down, the guard stumbles and I use the opportunity to smash my elbow into his face. Sensing another one about to strike, I grab the back of the current guard's neck, pushing him forward as I also bring my foot up to push the other guard back. Throwing them into each other, they drop to the floor, weapons knocked from their hands. 

Two others attack, both wielding long, glistening blades pulsing with energy. I manage to catch the first one's spear, meeting it in the air with my saber. But the second one goes to strike, and I'm forced to bring my saber down, along with the other spear. They both shove me backwards as I try and keep my weight against their blades. Kira shrieks from the side, but before I can glance over at her, a third guard runs at me, weapon above his head and ready to strike.

Holding my breath, I push back on the two blades and the guards spin away from me, giving me free passage to ram my saber into the third one. I feel his last breath vibrate around my weapon, before I bring my foot up and shove the dead body off of the saber. Now in the middle of the room, I aim my weapon as three guards circle me, their own weapons ready. My breathing's ragged, and my hair clings to my forehead. As they circle me, my eyes fall on Kira on the other side of the room. I watch as the guard parring her, strikes, his blade cutting her arm. She shrieks out, clasping the wound before she raises her saber. 

I sense the guard behind me's strike before it lands. Spinning out of the way, I meet his chain with my saber before I pull back, sending him spiralling into another guard. Grabbing one of their staff's in the middle, I use it as a shield against the others' attacks. Sweeping my legs out, the one behind me falls, but before he can hit the ground, I'm spinning, saber splitting his head in two.

Finishing off the remaining two, I bring my saber down brashly, ready for this fight to be done. Using the dead guard's spear as a shield, I keep pushing the guard back, ready to split him open. As soon as he falls to the ground, another one kicks my saber out of my hand. Leaping back, I try and grab his spear from him, but he manages to get behind me, bringing the spear across my neck. Choking out, I grip at the spear desperately. 

"Ben!" Glancing over towards Kira, I stick my arm out instinctively, catching her saber when she tosses it and activating it into the guard's head. 

The body falls to the ground with a loud thud. 

Me and Kira stare at each other from opposite sides of the room, before she takes a tentative step forward, wrapping her arms around herself. Taking a shaky breath in, I watch as she opens her mouth to say something. But I'm already jogging over to her, wrapping my arms around her waist, pulling her tight. She collapses into me, wrapping her own arms around my neck desperately. "You need to order them to stop shooting," I murmur into her hair, glancing over at the window. 

She slowly pulls back, head looking up to watch me. Silent tears fall down her face, landing on the floor. "It's time to let old things die," she breathes, gripping at my tunic. "Snoke. Your uncle. The Sith, the Jedi, the rebels, the Order. Can we _please_ let it all die?" she pleads, desperately clutching onto me, eyes terrified that I might let go. "Ben," she breathes shakily. "We can do so much better. We can bring proper peace to the Galaxy. No Republic. No Empire. A better Galaxy. Don't you see, under our rule, it could be incredible. We could abolish slavery. We could make our own peace. Let the Force be the Force without Jedi or Sith. Let the Force sensitive children of the Galaxy just be children."

She shudders, whole body shaking in my hold. "Our whole lives," she says, voice laced with a new emotion. "Have been dictated by them," she spits, brows lacing in anger. "They have always controlled us. Snoke. Your family. But not any more. We can bring a new order to the Galaxy." She takes a shaky breath in, trying to regain composure as she wipes her eyes with the back of her hands. "Ben, you said you would take my hand. If I offered again." I nod, unable to say anything. "I'm offering," she whispers, holding her hand out. 

I slowly unwrap my arms around her, and doubt crosses her mind for a second, so loud that it makes me heart squeeze. But then I wrap her hand in mine, nodding repeatedly as a grin breaks out across her face. She leans into me, arms wrapping tightly around my waist. "Ben-" she starts.

"I know," I murmur into her hair, gripping her tightly. 

I watch as the Resistance fleet outside continue shooting, the command freighter still standing tall. The Resistance wouldn't have been able to bring about peace. This war, it just prolongs the discord. But now I'm on the side where I can end it. Where we can bring forward a new, lasting peace. Me and Kira. Together.


	24. Go With You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Just to remind you, there is a battle happening as we ask this man about his heritage."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's been a while lads, decided to take a little break, but we are back and in business :)
> 
> Anyway here’s Poe and Finn and Nines, my new favourite character

Finn

The Falcon swings into the entrance at the exact moment Rose and I slide into it, blasters raised. "Quick change of ship," Rose comments as we both watch the Falcon hover, waiting for us. The ship stays hovering, and it's so fucking close, Poe is so fucking close, I instinctively go to run towards him. But Rose pulls me back by the collar, tugging me down behind a piece of debris. The hangar is destroyed, burning pieces of debris littering the area. "Look," she says, voice tight, laced in restraint fear as she gestures to a group of troopers marching towards us. And leading them, Phasma. 

Standing up slowly, I drop my blaster from my hand, holding my arms up in surrender. "I don't want to have to fight you," I call out, eyes squinting as I try and look at them through the smoke. The troopers all share a look, and their blasters lower for a split second. Then I realise it's my old squadron. Zeroes and Nines are in the front, right beside each other. Slips should be there too. Should be right in the middle of them. My heart clenches in desperation as my hands fall to my side. I can save them. I will save them.

"Traitor!" Phasma screams, and she aims her blaster right towards me as my eyes shoot to her. Throat bobbing, my arm instinctively reaches out, and my fingers twitch. The blaster is yanked from Phasma's hands, and it tumbles through the air. Jumping up, I catch it, dropping into a fighting stance. "You don't have to do this," I say, jaw clenched as I stare towards Zeroes and Nines. "It isn't too late. You've got to trust me."

"Do not listen to the Jedi scum," Phasma snarls, turning her head to the rest of the troopers before she points a hand at me and Rose. "Kill them both." 

Rose lets out a terrified yelp as she rolls to the side, the piece of rubble we were hiding behind imploding. "Stop! Please!" I yell, eyes shooting between the troopers and Rose. But none of them stop. And Rose only has one blaster. Gritting my teeth, I run forward, using the end of the blaster to knock out as many as I can. Then, just as more seem to appear, blasts start shooting from behind me. Crouching down quickly, I turn to see the Falcon aiming its cannon at the troopers. Sighing under my breath, I keep moving forward, snatching the troopers' blasters out of their hands with the Force. Then I sense a weapon aimed right behind my head. Slowly turning, I hold my breath when I meet Zeroes' eyes. She's taken her helmet off, and it's dangling in her fingers. Nines is beside her, shooting at Poe's ship.

"FN 2178," she grits out, fingers curling around her vibrocleaver. Her greying blonde hair is falling out of a bun, soft locks brushing her face. Her skin wrinkles as her faded blue eyes narrow at me.

"You don't have to do this, Zeroes," I plead.

Her mouth tightens into a thin line as she shakes her head at me. "You never did know when to shut your mouth did you, FN 2178?" she says, voice cruel, but face flaring with conflicting emotions. "Finn," I say softly, flinching as Poe keeps shooting. "It's Finn now."

A smile dances on her lips, and my body stills when she lowers the weapon slightly. "We want to-" She never finishes her sentence. I race forward, catching her falling body in my arms. "No," I bark out as the cleaver topples from her fingers. "No," I shake my head as blood seeps out from her armour, pooling onto the floor. 

Nines drops down beside me, hands grasping at Zeroes as he yells out in anger. "Take care of him," she says to me, placing a hand on Nines' faceplate. He doesn't stop shaking his head, but he does bring up a hand, placing it over hers. "You're brothers," she breathes, eyes wavering. I nod, holding her in my arms. "I wanted to join you," she whispers, voice fading. "Finn." And with that, her eyes glaze over and I feel her take her last breath. 

"Finn!" Head snapping up at Rose's warning, I find Phasma aiming a new blaster at Nines. Scowling, I softly move Zeroes to the floor, ignoring Nines' protests as I stand on heavy legs. "It's me you want," I snarl, but she doesn't move the blaster from Nines' direction. I watch as she goes to shoot, using the last of the Force I can muster to shove Nines across the floor towards Rose. I watch as she grabs him, helping him up to his feet. She widens her eyes at me and I nod, moving to cover them as they make their way to the ship.

Grabbing Zeroes' vibrocleaver from her dead body, I aim it at Phasma who throws her blaster to the ground and now, twirls a metal staff in her fingers. "Why are you doing this?" I snarl. "I tried to give them a choice and now look!" I yell, gesturing at the corpses around us, indistinguishable in their shining armour. The smell of burning flesh surrounds us. "They're all _dead_ ," I ground out.

"I don't care," she says simply, and then she's running forward, boots clanking against the ground. I raise my weapon to block hers. Cringing under her weight, sweat drips down my head. "You're a bug in the system," she taunts, and I shake my head as I pull back and duck, dodging her strike. She keeps striking, but I stay on the defence. When she tries to strike at my legs, I leap up, pulling on the Force as I Jump over her, landing behind with a grin. "People deserve a choice in if they fight or not," I say, vibrocleaver hissing in my hands. "You do not get to decide for them."

"You speak of democracy," she snarls, fingers clenching around her metal staff. 

"Would that be so bad?" I ask, brows knitted.

"The strongest always win," she grinds out. "Regardless of morality." Shaking my head, I take a step away from her, sensing what's coming. She assumes I'm stunned by her words. "It is true," she continues, taking a step forward.

"Wait-" I start, lurching forward. But it's too late. I watch as the floor bends under her weight, and Phasma looks up towards me before she silently falls through the floor with the burning debris. I drop to my knees and peer over, but I can't see the Captain. Head in my hands, I only look up when I hear someone shout my name. Pushing myself up, I Jump over the pit, stomach clenching before I safely land on the other side. Sprinting towards the ship, stumbling as I try and dodge the ship falling to pieces around me. 

Nines and Rose stand on the ramp, arms outstretched for me. Leaping off of the ship, I fall into them both, clinging on until the Falcon flies away from the hangar. "Finn?" As soon as I hear his voice, I pull away from Rose and Nines, running up the ramp to crash into Poe. He laughs as I tightly wrap my arms around him. I suddenly feel like I've been drowning for weeks, and I'm just now breathing again. I'm never leaving this again. "Fuck, I missed you. I never-," I start to mutter, but Poe cuts me off, leaning up and crashing his lips against mine desperately. The taste of burnt coffee and mint drips into my mouth, and I could sob at the taste of Poe. But then I remember we have an audience, and I lightly pull away, ignoring Poe's objections as he tries to tug me closer to him.

"So?" I ask as he looks up at me, eyebrow arched and hands in my hair. "What did I miss?" That makes Poe's face darken, and he shakes his head slightly, shooting me a look as if to say, _later_. Frowing, I go to push him further, when I notice his eyes glance behind me. "The _friend_ , I assume?" he asks, cocking his head slightly at Rose who's standing beside Nines, a knowing smirk spread across his face. 

"I'm Rose," she rolls her eyes, folding her arms as she tilts her head up at Poe. "Finn's associate." My jaw unhinges at that, but Rose just shoots me a toothy grin before Nines awkwardly clears his throat from his spot at the side, scratching the back of neck. "Poe, Rose," I start, unlatching myself from Poe who silently objects by lightly pinching my arm. "This is Nines. We served on the same squadron."

"Well, you can take that stupid fucking helmet off now," Poe says, lowering his brows as he glances up and down at Nines. The trooper hesitates for a second before he reaches up and unlatches his helmet, slowly tugging it off of his head. "Oh," Poe starts, and I sigh when he and Rose's eyes widen at Nines. The trooper blushes, mottled tan skin going bright pink as he digs his hands subconsciously into his hair.

"You didn't tell me all your new friends were so good looking, Finn," Poe grumbles as he folds his arms, tilting his head up at Nines with a smirk. I elbow him sharply but he just shrugs, pressing a kiss to my temple. "You're a _hybrid_ ," Rose exclaims, taking a step towards him, pale arm reaching out. But it drops back down to her side when she notices the awkward expression on Nines' face. 

"Rose," I warn, lightly shaking my head. _Hypocrite_. Can't call her cyborg but she can go around questioning people's species. But Nines just nods slowly, running his hands along his short lekku. His headtails are shorter than normal, pretty much just small stumps that end right at his neck. When I first saw him, he had shaved his hair, so you could clearly see his headtails, tanned with mottled grey rings. But now he's grown out his hair, so they're mostly covered by his dark brown curls. You wouldn't even be able to differentiate him from any other human if it wasn't for them, and his pale violet eyes. There was this girl in our squadron who used to think she was in love with Nines. She used to tell me about his eyes, not noticing how annoying it was. But then we watched Nines' temper snap once, watched as he smashed the back of a blaster into a rebel's head, watched the blood spill down onto his uniform as he just kept hitting. She never talked about his eyes again. 

"How did they let you in the army?" Rose asks, eyes still examining the lekku poking out from his hair. Nines just shrugs, scratching the back of his neck. I'm about to tell Rose she's making him uncomfortable, when Poe speaks. "Just to remind you, there _is_ a battle happening as we ask this man about his heritage."

"Doesn't look like much of a battle anymore," Nines points out as we all glance out of the window. The Supremacy is completely destroyed, half the ship falling into space. Taking a step forward, I press a hand against the plastic, imagining Ben in that ship. Then my eyes fall onto the ruined Resistance command ship, and I stumble back. "What happened?" I ask as I turn to Poe, eyes wide. 

"There was a spy," he grits out, fingers clenching into fists. "They blew up the Command ship but we managed to get the majority out onto evac ships."

"Who did we lose?" I breathe, watching as the wreckage drifts aimlessly. 

"Ackbar. Holdo. A couple others," Poe says, eyes falling to his feet. I swear under my breath, pushing the heels of my hands into my forehead.

"Where's the rest of the Resistance?" Rose asks, placing a hand on my shoulder. 

"Crait," Poe answers quickly, pointing out towards a lone planet. "There's an old Rebel base there. We're taking our last stand."

"But that's the only planet nearby!" Rose objects, running after Poe as he makes his way towards the cockpit. I laugh when Chewie rises up from his seat, enveloping me in a tight hug. "Hey buddy," I laugh, patting his back. Poe slides into the seat beside him, fingers tightening around the controls. Chewie lets go off me to sit back down, ready to fly with Poe. I lean forward, gripping onto the backs of their seats. Nines just stays in the threshold, arms folded as he watches us all silently.

"The First Order will be able to track us easily!" Rose keeps saying, stumbling as the Falcon lurches forward, away from the burning Supremacy. She stumbles backwards, loosing grip, but Nines catches her, lightly pushing her back to her feet. She turns towards him, a cast of surprise on her face before Poe speaks, voice tight. I can tell he's annoyed, but he's trying to hold it together. 

"We don't have any other options," Poe snarls, jaw twitching.

"But-"

" _Rose_ ," I say, warning in my voice as I shoot her a look. "We need to regroup with the Resistance. Then we'll figure it out."

"Well at least their army's numbers have fallen," Rose tries, grabbing onto the sides as the Falcon swerves, shooting past a gaping hole in the Supremacy.

"I think we have bigger issues than the numbers of troopers," I breathe, voice caught in my throat as I stare at the scene unfolding as we fly past. 

"What are you talking about?" Rose frowns, making her way over to me. Nines comes up behind us as I shake my head. All I can do is point towards the open hangar. All I can do is point towards Kira Ren and Ben. Both standing side by side, wielding sabers in their right hands. And holding each other with the left.


	25. Ski Speeders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Send me down to him."

Kira Ren

By the time Hux storms into the hall, Ben's let go off me. He stands at the edge of the room, watching. He shoves his hands into his tunic pockets, anxiously tapping his boot against the floor. His hair is slicked back, matted and wild, a feral look painted across his face. Instead of going to him, as he watches his old friends burn, I can't stop staring at the throne.

Narrowing my eyes, I use the Force to drag Snoke's upper body off fo the seat, his blood leaving a streaked path. Taking slow steps up the platform, I run my fingers over the chair, breathing hitching. Snoke's corpse glares up at me, eyes glassy and cruel. My lips quirk up in a satisfied smirk as I kick his body. Ben turns as it tumbles down the platform, step after step, before it finally stops, staring blankly up at the ceiling. That's when my eyes fall on Hux.

"What have you done?" he asks breathlessly, eyes wide with horror as he stares down at the bodies surrounding me and Ben. "Traitor," he starts, pointing a finger at me. Rolling my eyes, I lower myself onto Snoke's throne, shifting on the uncomfortable seat. How the hell did that bastard sit on this thing for years. "Prepare the ships for an assault on Crait," I order Hux as I feel Ben walk up beside me. He leans on the side of the sleek chair, arm dangling behind me. I still when I feel his fingers brush the nape of my neck, but I don't speak. Just lean into his touch slightly. 

"Who do you think you are?" Snoke hisses. "You kill our leader and assume you and your Resistance whore can take-" Hux doesn't get through his sentence, clutching his throat as I pull him up into the air. Standing up off of the throne, I take lingering steps towards him, relishing in the fear painted across his beady eyes. "Don't talk to him like that," I say simply, watching as Hux's eyes shoot behind me, clearly towards Ben. I don't miss the wave of disgust and repulsion that paints his face either. But it vanishes when I squeeze tighter, fingers at my side twitching. "Don't look at him like that either, General." I add with a grin, baring my teeth at the man. 

He yelps like an animal when I drop him, face red and swirling with a seething rage. "I'm not going to kill you, Hux," I add as I turn back to Ben, a smile brushing my lips as my Solo drapes himself across the throne, twirling my saber in his fingers. There's the Solo I first met, face plastered with a shit-eating grin. "You saved me more times than I feel comfortable admitting," I shrug, shooting the General a look over my shoulder before I walk over to Ben. "So," I start as I slide down onto Ben's lap, crossing my legs as I lean on the armrest, dangerous smile on my lips. "We'll keep you alive. You can also keep your position as General." 

I watch as his lips press into a tight line, nostrils flaring. But I just lean further into Ben as he snakes an arm around my waist. "But if you ever say anything like that again," I hiss, jaw clenching. I just purposefully drop my eyes to Snoke's corpse to finish my point. Hux just nods after a moment, wisely keeping his mouth firmly shut. 

"So," Ben speaks for the first time in a while, voice sounding surprisingly cheerful. I can feel him through the bond, a bright gold flaring up against me. "What was that about the assault on Crait, General?"

*

I stand beside Hux in the command ship, watching as a dozen ski speeders shakily fly out of the old Resistance base, carved into the mountain. Eyebrow arched, I lean forward to get a better look at them, amazed as pieces of debris fly off of the speeders as they shoot towards us. "Push through," I order, folding my arms behind my back. "The last of the Resistance is in that base."

Ben flashes against my mind, and my eyes shoot towards his TIE outside, slightly to the left of the command ship. I can barely make out his face from here, but I feel him nod towards me, before his ship flies forward. As he drifts further away, I subtly push my shields back up, blocking him out. So he can concentrate better, I tell myself. But I'm aware of the sickening doubt unfurling in my gut. These was his friends. The only family he's ever known before. What if he chokes? What if he picks them over me?

Slamming that thought out of my head, I watch as Ben and a couple of other TIEs fly forward, blasters shooting at the rickety speeders. Three of them go down, and I can feel Ben's emotion flaring up like hot flashes. "They're stalling us until we can bring the cannon forward," I say, jaw clenching. "Send in more TIES. Tell them to..." I trail off when a familiar ship shoots past us, blasting at the AT-ATs beside us. I bite down a frustrated yell as The Millennium Falcon loops in the sky, taking out one of our AT-ATs in a minute. _Dameron_. 

" _Ben_ ," I warn through the bond, a fist against my head as I watch the ship skirt alongside some of our TIEs.

"I see it," he replies, and I can hear the annoyance licking his tongue, can feel him accelerating faster. "I'll take it out, don't worry. Concentrate on getting that cannon to the base."

"That's not what I was-" I start, but Ben cuts out, leaving only his fiery emotions dancing through the bond. 

"Should we send more fighters for the Falcon?" Hux asks, coming up beside me. I scowl as he tries to tempt me with bad strategic moves. 

"No," I frown, brows knitting together. "Keep protecting the cannon," I order, watching as a single TIE shoots after the Falcon, peeling off from the rest of the group. Come on Ben, I sigh. Don't get yourself killed now. "All firepower on the speeders," I command.

"Concentrate all fire on the speeders!" Hux shouts over me, lips curled. Sighing, I shove him back with the Force, pinning him to the wall.

"Keep your mouth shut," I hiss before I quickly turn back. Our TIEs take out the speeders one by one, not letting them too close to the cannon. "Keep pushing forward," I nod, fingers tightening with each speeder that smashes to the salty landscape with a fiery explosion. I let out a sigh of relief as the remaining five speeders make to retreat. But one doesn't, and something tugs in my gut as I watch a single speeder fly towards the cannon, ship engulfed by the heat. "Empress Ren," one of the Generals below me warns, voice warns. "That ship's going to blow up the cannon."

"Can we fire at it?" I ask, already suspicious of the answer.

"No, ma'am. It's too close. We'd risk damaging the cannon." I stumble back as the single ski speeder gets closer. Something's screaming at me violently, and it's only when I feel Ben pause through the bond do I realise it's the Force. Someone force-sensitive is in that ship. _The traitor_. Fn-2187.

Clutching my stomach, I watch with wide eyes as he doesn't stop. He's really going to sacrifice himself for the Resistance. "Ma'am, look!" The General below me shouts, pointing to another ski speeder, hurtling towards the traitor's. "They're going to crash," I murmur, brows furrowing as I watch, bracing for impact. A silent air falls over the command ship as we watch the two ships intersect, the latter pushing the traitor out of the cannon's firing range. Someone saved him. 

"Keep pushing forward," I say, breaking the silence as I point towards the base. "We're close." I ignore the two wrecked speeders, narrowing my eyes at the makeshift trenches in front of the base. Before we reach the base, something slams into me like a wall of bricks. I stumble, Hux gingerly catching me in his arms before I fall to the floor. "Stop!" I yell out as I shove Hux off of me, but it's too late. I watch, hands digging into my hair as the cannon is fired into the base, fire spitting out in all directions.

A soft murmuring of victory sounds around me as I watch in horror as a single silhouette steps out from the smokey hole in the base, cape dancing around his legs. "Stop," I call out again, voice heard this time. I walk forward as out fleet pauses. "I want every gun we have to fire on that man," I say slowly, chest heaving as Luke Skywalker stands in front of us, arms open as if ready for an embrace.

"Kira, wait-" Ben starts, voice hoarse through the bond. Eyes flickering up, I see Ben's TIE shoot across the sky, hovering behind Luke. But Skywalker doesn't turn towards his nephew. He keeps his eyes towards me. "Do it," I hiss aloud, lips trembling in anger. 

"No, _wait_ -" I slam Ben out of my head, running my tongue across my teeth as every ship we have blasts at Skywalker. Letting out a relieved sigh, I drop my head down, feeling Ben desperately hit at my mind, trying to get through. I let down my shields with a shaky breath, falling down into a seat. "I had to," I say through the bond. 

"Kira, he's just a distraction," Ben pleads and my throat bobs in doubt. "You can't fight him. You won't beat him, Kira."

"I killed him," I object with a scowl. "He can't hurt us anymore," I breathe, feeling Ben against my soul, a jumping flame against that darkness that encases me. "I _killed_ him." I did what Snoke failed to do.

"Are you sure about that?" Ben asks, voice breaking. Frowning in confusion, I push myself up out of the seat, and watch as the smoke clears. And there still stands Luke Skywalker, impossibly solid. I let out a guttural growl of frustration, especially when Skywalker brushes off his shoulder, shrugging with a cocky grin on his face.

"Send me down to him."


End file.
